The End of the Best Friend

NY Times:

The End of the Best Friend

Most children naturally seek close friends. In a survey of nearly 3,000 Americans ages 8 to 24 conducted last year by Harris Interactive, 94 percent said they had at least one close friend. But the classic best-friend bond — the two special pals who share secrets and exploits, who gravitate to each other on the playground and who head out the door together every day after school — signals potential trouble for school officials intent on discouraging anything that hints of exclusivity, in part because of concerns about cliques and bullying.

“I think it is kids’ preference to pair up and have that one best friend. As adults — teachers and counselors — we try to encourage them not to do that,” said Christine Laycob, director of counseling at Mary Institute and St. Louis Country Day School in St. Louis. “We try to talk to kids and work with them to get them to have big groups of friends and not be so possessive about friends.”
“Parents sometimes say Johnny needs that one special friend,” she continued. “We say he doesn’t need a best friend.”

. . . .

As the calendar moves into summer, efforts to manage friendships don’t stop with the closing of school. In recent years Timber Lake Camp, a co-ed sleep-away camp in Phoenicia, N.Y., has started employing “friendship coaches” to work with campers to help every child become friends with everyone else. If two children seem to be too focused on each other, the camp will make sure to put them on different sports teams, seat them at different ends of the dining table or, perhaps, have a counselor invite one of them to participate in an activity with another child whom they haven’t yet gotten to know.
“I don’t think it’s particularly healthy for a child to rely on one friend,” said Jay Jacobs, the camp’s director. “If something goes awry, it can be devastating. It also limits a child’s ability to explore other options in the world.”

This is so sick it is Satanic.
“Friendship coaches” in charge of breaking up any true friendships that they see developing? “Teachers” and “counselors” who prefer that children move about in packs rather than having real human relationships.
Of course, someone with a friend might ask the friend for advice rather than a professional counselor – not that the counselor is being greedy, mind you, s/he just wouldn’t want anyone getting unprofessional advice from an unqualified source like a friend.

:mad: :banghead: :mad:

As the Pope said recently, totalitarianism and relativism arise from the failure to respect natural law. It is natural to form friendships and have "best friends." It helps a child to learn loyalty. The state cannot override natural law or change it. It can only recognize it and try to follow it as best it can. When the state tries to supplant natural law with its own, all sorts of problems arise...just like this one!

So only shallow association is allowed you aren't allowed to forge any real friendships because then you would have an advantage over others due to the mutual support you would offer each other.

They have just banned friendship as dangerous, what they describe as friendship which they will allow isn't even friendship in the classical sense it is just association.

For the love of the children please home school them.

It seems there is a fundemental misunderstanding from these teachers / counsellors about the difference between real friends and the ones we all hang around with at work, in school or whatever.

Curtailing peoples ability to create close relationships, and encouraging mindless gang behaviour is a very bad thing.

For some reason I'm reminded of that scene in the movie The Killing Fields where the little girl is invited up to the front of her classroom so she can draw a big x through a drawing of a family.

youtube.com/watch?v=hy3nmHH6Lho&feature=related

(The scene is about one minute into the video)

Sick. Very sick.

That said, if I were a student and with my mischievous mind, if a teacher came up to me and tried to break up an emerging friendship, why ... I might just break into a really big grin and say, "That's okay teacher, because after all Jesus is my Real Best Friend, and nothing or nobody can separate me from Him." :)

How quickly would I be tossed out of school, or fed to a lion, or somesuch for that?
;)

Seriously, this is a situation that calls for prayer.
And evangelizing.

[quote="didymus, post:1, topic:202231"]
NY Times:

This is so sick it is Satanic.
"Friendship coaches" in charge of breaking up any true friendships that they see developing? "Teachers" and "counselors" who prefer that children move about in packs rather than having real human relationships.
Of course, someone with a friend might ask the friend for advice rather than a professional counselor -- not that the counselor is being greedy, mind you, s/he just wouldn't want anyone getting unprofessional advice from an unqualified source like a friend.

:mad: :banghead: :mad:

[/quote]

as i read the posts, i didn't like the sound of it one bit... but i had to laugh when you used the word Satanic..

then again, maybe it is..

why do some adults feel such a great need to CONTROL young people?????

i mean, they want to tell them when and how to have sex (usualy this means as soon as posible...:rolleyes:)

and then... well, some like H Clinton... say it takes a village to raise a child, therefore making it ok to take children from their natural parents... which she undobutedly thinks is a great idea cuz the state... well, we all know how much better a parent the s tate makes...

geeze...

i guess its called Love of power...

[quote="the_phoenix, post:6, topic:202231"]
Sick. Very sick.

That said, if I were a student and with my mischievous mind, if a teacher came up to me and tried to break up an emerging friendship, why ... I might just break into a really big grin and say, "That's okay teacher, because after all Jesus is my Real Best Friend, and nothing or nobody can separate me from Him." :)

How quickly would I be tossed out of school, or fed to a lion, or somesuch for that?
;)

Seriously, this is a situation that calls for prayer.
And evangelizing.

[/quote]

probably before you got done saying "Friend"... :rolleyes:

[quote="JohnDamian, post:4, topic:202231"]

Curtailing peoples ability to create close relationships, and encouraging mindless gang behaviour is a very bad thing.

[/quote]

It's good for getting people to vote Leftists into office.

Cultural Marxism hard at work.

[quote="Adeodatus, post:9, topic:202231"]
Marxism hard at work.

[/quote]

I coulden't help but laugh, even though this quote is slightly out of context....

:thumbsup:

maybe these people are just jealous cuz they are incapable of forming one on one friendships...

about as good an explanation as any...:shrug:

Just another reason screaming private school or homeschooling. I can't stand idiots!!!

It's "Satanic" that some people running a sleepaway camp and two schools want to encourage children to be friendly with all the other children?

The alamist rhetoric on this thread is beyond nutty. Let's hit the highlights:

For the love of the children please home school them.

They're gonna encourage my child to be friendly with everyone! Look out! Baracade the doors!!

How quickly would I be tossed out of school, or fed to a lion, or somesuch for that?

If you were, you'd have quite a lawsuit to bring against the school. Seriously, the martyrdom fantasies on some of these threads are absolutely disturbing.

[adults] want to tell [children] when and how to have sex (usualy this means as soon as posible

I can't remember a single authority figure ever once encouraging me to have sex as soon as possible. I can remember authority figures who were intent on all students knowing how to safely have sex if and when we do.

Is it possible at all for people on these forums to disagree with methods of regulating schoolyard behavior without seeing the Bogeyman of a satanic/leftist/marxist/secular conspiracy that's going to eat your children's brains?

It kind of makes you sound insane.

Frankly, it doesn't sound like a terrible idea to make sure that children get a chance to interact with all of their peers in school. They can associate with whomever they like outside of school, anyway.

The usage of the term Friendship Coach seems to me as applicalbe a sGay Marraige.... Same modern day twisting......... Sad very, sad.....

jaw drops on the floor Thank you so** much for bringing this to our attention.

[quote="AntiTheist, post:13, topic:202231"]
It's "Satanic" that some people running a sleepaway camp and two schools want to encourage children to be friendly with all the other children?

The alamist rhetoric on this thread is beyond nutty. Let's hit the highlights:

They're gonna encourage my child to be friendly with everyone! Look out! Baracade the doors!!

If you were, you'd have quite a lawsuit to bring against the school. Seriously, the martyrdom fantasies on some of these threads are absolutely disturbing.

I can't remember a single authority figure ever once encouraging me to have sex as soon as possible. I can remember authority figures who were intent on all students knowing how to safely have sex if and when we do.

Is it possible at all for people on these forums to disagree with methods of regulating schoolyard behavior without seeing the Bogeyman of a satanic/leftist/marxist/secular conspiracy that's going to eat your children's brains?

It kind of makes you sound insane.

Frankly, it doesn't sound like a terrible idea to make sure that children get a chance to interact with all of their peers in school. They can associate with whomever they like outside of school, anyway.

[/quote]

I was actually thinking similarly. I had a very wise friend tell me similar advice, that she loved me very, very dearly but when we were in a group setting due to our husbands' careers, she didn't want it to appear to everyone else that we had to socialize just with each other, that we could function as separate people as well. And I've tried to give my daughter the same advice, that she can have her dear best friend on their own time, but in school and other group settings, they didn't have to appear so exclusive and to try to make friends with all types of people.

[quote="AntiTheist, post:13, topic:202231"]
It's "Satanic" that some people running a sleepaway camp and two schools want to encourage children to be friendly with all the other children?

The alamist rhetoric on this thread is beyond nutty. Let's hit the highlights:

[/quote]

Well, Satanic isn't a word I normally use but this really pushed my buttons, there's something scarily Orwellian about breaking up kids' friendships so they'll fit in with the group better.

They're gonna encourage my child to be friendly with everyone! Look out! Baracade the doors!!

Teaching kids to be friendly with everyone would be fine but that's not what the article says:

“We try to talk to kids and work with them to get them to have big groups of friends and not be so possessive about friends.”

By definition you can't have a large number of real friends.

I can't remember a single authority figure ever once encouraging me to have sex as soon as possible. I can remember authority figures who were intent on all students knowing how to safely have sex if and when we do.

If you, as a parent, try to tell your kids DON'T! and their teachers are telling them "well you should wait b/c there are negative consequences but it's your choice so here's how to avoid selfsame consequences . . ."
Intentionally or not that's effectively waving a green flag.

Is it possible at all for people on these forums to disagree with methods of regulating schoolyard behavior without seeing the Bogeyman of a satanic/leftist/marxist/secular conspiracy that's going to eat your children's brains?

It kind of makes you sound insane.

Well, yeah, there is a tendency to hyperbole around here but it is part of CAF's charm -- like Southerners deep-frying everything.

I wish there were a conspiracy, then at least there would be a chance of rounding up the evildoers but no such luck. This story is just the latest manifestation of trends that have been going on for a long time.

Frankly, it doesn't sound like a terrible idea to make sure that children get a chance to interact with all of their peers in school. They can associate with whomever they like outside of school, anyway.

Because this is school, where children are supposed to be learning, not being socially/emotionally/psychologically programmed by some faux experts.

[quote="AntiTheist, post:13, topic:202231"]
It's "Satanic" that some people running a sleepaway camp and two schools want to encourage children to be friendly with all the other children?

The alamist rhetoric on this thread is beyond nutty. Let's hit the highlights:

They're gonna encourage my child to be friendly with everyone! Look out! Baracade the doors!!

If you were, you'd have quite a lawsuit to bring against the school. Seriously, the martyrdom fantasies on some of these threads are absolutely disturbing.

I can't remember a single authority figure ever once encouraging me to have sex as soon as possible. I can remember authority figures who were intent on all students knowing how to safely have sex if and when we do.

Is it possible at all for people on these forums to disagree with methods of regulating schoolyard behavior without seeing the Bogeyman of a satanic/leftist/marxist/secular conspiracy that's going to eat your children's brains?

It kind of makes you sound insane.

Frankly, it doesn't sound like a terrible idea to make sure that children get a chance to interact with all of their peers in school. They can associate with whomever they like outside of school, anyway.

[/quote]

you will never understand Catholicism until you are Catholic.. i ought to know.. i have been both inside and outside the Church..

no, it is not wrong to encourage kids to get along w/ others... they should be shown that all people are worthwhile & hv something to offer... but it is WRONG to promote THAT exclusively over indiviudal friendships...

it is wrong to force children to go AWAY from those friendships in favor of... indiscrimate friend-making... Most people instinctively make friends with people thye have something in common with... they make friends with those thye feel comfortable with... and instincts like these should not be frowned upon... discouraged...I am not going to feel comfortable if someone tries to get me to be friends with ... say a Satan worshipper.. :eek:Ok, so there aren't many of those... another example... I like to read and pray... & i hate TV.. dont watch it.. i am NOT going to be too chummy with a couch potato who loves nothing better than to watch TV and couldn't care less about doing some of the things i am trying to do... things i feel God wants me to do.. a person like that is only going to drag me down..

Whatever happened to that great god Freedom???

:rolleyes:

What about the last paragraph of the article:

Still, school officials admit they watch close friendships carefully for adverse effects. “When two children discover a special bond between them, we honor that bond, provided that neither child overtly or covertly excludes or rejects others,” said Jan Mooney, a psychologist at the Town School, a nursery through eighth grade private school on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. “However, the bottom line is that if we find a best friend pairing to be destructive to either child, or to others in the classroom, we will not hesitate to separate children and to work with the children and their parents to ensure healthier relationships in the future.”

I've seen this happen in my daughter's school and it lead to an intense bullying situation. If you're going to argue the merits of having a best friend, you also have to consider the negative side of it too and why some schools are feeling the need to intervene in some situations.

Sad.
Guess children having a "best friend" is going the way of a guy or a girl having a roommate. If you share apartment expenses now with a person of your own sex, you have to explain that it's a ROOMATE situation.
Seriously!

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