I dont even understand the Torah, how am I to think about any hidden knowledge
Actually I feel overwhelmed with the Jewish scriptures as they’ seem so rich. I’m scared to even study the Torah on my own as I’m afraid I could understand things the wrong way. And so I’m jealous of Candescant. I know it’s wrong to be jealous, and I feel guilty for it.
I also believe that I can never make it to even understand the meaning of the written words in the Torah, let alone any hidden knowledge behind those words. And this makes me very sad. I feel as if I needed another lifetime to understand all of the scriptures, and if I had one more lifetime I would prabably say that I needed yet another life to continue with my studies… and so on. Maybe this would even go on infinitely.
Not asking for your pity or anything, just trying to get this off my chest as I have this heavily on my heart every day.