Today I have an audition for a local play and I’m terribly nervous. I usually get nervous about such things but since scruples kicked in (fully, probably sometime after my last audition in March) the nerves are anxiety more than just normal nerves. I’ve also had some majorly repeating intrusive thoughts lately that I’m still learning how to deal with on the ocd level so I’ve been a bit of a mental mess.
In a frustrated, upset mood, I went to my mother, at that whimpering stage between shouting and crying, and told her that I was afraid maybe auditioning wasn’t God’s Will, that maybe I shouldn’t do it, that I was so sick and nervous about what the situation might be like and she said that I should remember to say this saying/prayer by a priest (I forget his name, he was alive during Padre Pio’s time) who has a case for either being a Servant of God or a Blessed. “I surrender my life to you. Jesus, take care of everything!”
She told me that while I was planning for the audition, I had no reservations (except for a role I’d decline for personal comfort reasons), I had been excited, peaceful, and it wasn’t an evil activity.
I then questioned whether the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me something and she said there was no way it would come like this.
Afterwards, I realized she was right. I need to surrender my life to Christ, and let Him take care of everything.
I wrote down in a notebook some things to remember: the Holy Spirit inspires us in good things, He does not inspire us to do bad things nor does He incite anxiety in our hearts and minds. Anxiety is not good, it is of the devil. I told myself to pray to the Holy Spirit when making decisions and that God’s Will will always be done, all you have to do is pray and trust and let Him know you’re giving yourself to Him and won’t fight it.
The other thing is that you’ll know it’s the Holy Spirit working because you’ll feel a deep peace and joy. You won’t have anxiety because He will guide you to do good. I read once that God brings fear/awe at first and happiness/peace afterwards when He is working in your or revealing something to you. The devil can only bring fear and pain.
I just thought I’d share these thoughts In case anyone else suffers with anxiety. If you feel it kicking in, stop, breathe, tell Christ you surrender yourself to Him, and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you.
It might not completely cure your anxiety, but it’ll help in the moment.
It’s hard to trust, at least for me, but it’s also a pretty cool thing when you can sit down and at least try and let God know you really want to trust and listen.
Also, any prayers are appreciated that the audition at least goes smoothly! I’m not too concerned if I get a role or not.