The Hookup Culture and Vocations

I am a single woman from an ethnic minority group who has reached her early thirties. I am part of a generation that has been immersed in the so-called “hook up culture” since our college years. Recently, I have begun to reckon with the difficult-but honest- truth that due to a combination of my age, my ethnicity, and the overall devaluation of women in today’s society, I am very unlikely to find a serious partner for marriage. My question right now is, would choosing to remain single (in some consecrated state) as a response to these realizations be a valid reason for pursuing a vocation? In other words, I would view a vocation as a rejection of society’s valuation of me as a woman of color (e.g.- not worthy of anything more than being treated like an experiment or prostitute) for God’s valuation, choosing an exclusive relationship with Him over an ongoing worldly search that grows less and less likely to be fruitful with each passing day.

I would love to hear from anyone who has had similar thoughts in discerning their vocation.

Thank you and God bless!

I would say that you should follow what God’s plan is for you. Do you feel called to marry? Do you feel called to religious life? Do you feel called to the others you mentioned? If you feel called to marry, I wouldn’t write off every guy out there. Yes our culture is growing more and more into a “hook-up” world, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t good guys out there.

I think assuming you’re going to be used in a relationship is a poor reason for avoiding one and looking into single/religious life. You should follow your heart and follow what God is pulling you towards. Pray.

I can’t speak to what you’re vocation is, but as a fellow 30-something I think you might be selling yourself short. One thing to keep in mind is that there are various men who are physically attracted to various ethnicities and body shapes in addition to more meaningful attractive traits that make up your personality and who you are. For some guys the non-physical qualities matter way more.

To be honest, the dating landscape in this age group can be rough. I’ve been on many dozens of dates that led no where and a few left me thinking "these people exist? " before finding my fiancé. I have my own theories why (beyond the scope of this thread?) but the point is you will meet a lot of frogs before your prince (if that is your vocation). But in all of this you will gain invaluable insights into yourself and your values.

I will let the others give advice about vocation.

Have you tried Catholic Match:

Here you might be able to find a person who wants to get married and who wants to have children.

Let’s come back to the fact that you are a child of God, and He has a plan for you.

Your willingness to accept His will for you will lead along a very convoluted path where your eyes have to be entirely for Him. Being open to whatever vocation He has in store for you is the name of this game, which isn’t a game, but I think you follow what I’m saying.

First and foremost, your heart has to be entirely for Him, just like a vowed religious. The difference will be that the vowed religious has found their True Home in their rule and community, where their baptismal promises will be deepened. You, OTOH, have not found your True Home, but you need the interior silence and stability of the chapel within just simply to keep up the contemplation Christians are called to.

This trust walk will permit Him to lead you to different stops where He will pick the flowers He wants you to remember, or parts of spiritualities He wants you to adapt. These are the elements of your Personal Prayer Rule.

He will seemingly lead you to different vocations, but He is an Educator, and He wants you to know what’s available. You exist for others now.

By receiving the Eucharist, we become another Christ. Through Morning and Night Offerings; Daily Duty; and other devotionals like the Angelus and Divine Mercy, we gently re-orient ourselves to the One True God.

I notice you or one other poster on this thread has a quote from St. Francis de Sales. Using his Spiritual Directory is a good start. Vatican II had wanted priests and religious to adapt Salesian spirituality because of its gentleness.



Bless you, iwillrisenow, and follow what is calling you inside. If you feel that marriage and children is really what God made you for, then double-down on faith and PUSH (as my African parish priest is fond of saying)–Pray Until Something Happens. If you find yourself longing for consecrated life, then throw caution to the wind and embrace that calling.

Everyone should reject the hookup culture! Married couples, priests, brothers, nuns, religious sisters, consecrated virgins, single folks, etc.!

But vocations are something you are positively called to live. I’ve only ever heard of vocations as saying yes to, to embracing that vocation, not rejection of… something else. So I don’t understand how the hookup culture impacts your, or anyone’s discernment process. :confused::confused:

The Hook-up Culture is made up of women who have been told they can freely prostitute themselves, and the men who no longer respect women because they don’t respect themselves.

I understand entirely what the OP is talking about. One almost has to leave one’s hometown to find their spouse (at least I did).

However, marriage doesn’t have a novitiate, so I would highly recommend vocational exploration. A woman can have a desire for a family, but cloistered nuns are spiritual mothers.


I read an article by an African American Sister a few years ago, and have linked to it in the hope that you’ll find it interesting:

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