Dear Brothers and Sisters,
Lately things have been going a little downhill for me. Whenever I start to feel like ‘running’ from my trials and tribulations (and sometimes it is just best to walk away), I realize that some you just can’t run away from.
I was so preoccupied and worried and mad and really sad last night. Couldn’t sleep. Tried the Rosary, the Chaplet. I was so horribly dry, I couldn’t pray.
This morning before Mass as I was praying to God and to our Blessed Mother a feeling overwhelmed me. I’m still not sure what that feeling was–it was kind of like a mixture of joy and shame to be quite honest. I wasn’t quite sure if I handled this week as well as I could have. (Actually, I’m positive that I did not handle this week as well as Icould have, but I knew that handled it better than I have handled these things before.)
And then the lesson: “Be slow to speak.” And Father’s words in the Homily: “so many problems we make for ourselves because we don’t heed these lessons of Saint James.”
And I think that I knew then that I have actually made some progress in defeating some of my own demons. Much more progress to make, to be sure, but realizing that some progress has been made, made Communion for me today–on my knees, at the altar rail–so much more meaningful because I realized how
present Jesus was for me this week. Both in carrying me and comforting me, and in the fact that I recognized Him in those who really got to me.
And maybe I am realizing now that I didn’t recognize Him in them as clearly as I should have, but a little progress becomes much progress when I continue to focus on Him.
I am so grateful to be Catholic, I am so grateful for the Grace He has given me in order that I might have faith. And I hope the Good Work He does in me, changes me perceptibly.
“Lord Jesus, remove from my heart that which displeases You, and bless me as You blessed your Apostles on the day of Your Ascension. May that blessing change me, and fill me with your Holy Spirit. Amen.”
The Joy of the Mass? The constant re-conversion to Him, a YES that gives us the Grace to persevere, be honest with myself, admit and confess my failures and be joyful for the Graces that help me realize where I have succeeded. And to Love Him more by Loving those that don’t respect me.
And to realize that He humbled Himself enough to allow me to Eat His Body and Drink His Blood–the source of recognition and becoming.
thanks for listening,