The morality of spouse searching

What would you say about the morality of spouse searching. Does God expect us to move about searching for a spouse?

You don’t mind me quoting your posts from the other thread to start do you?

Of course…seek…pray…


I’m not sure what you mean by move about, and this seems at the center of your question.
There is a Catholic saying, pray as if everything depends on God, and act as if everything depends on you. If you feel marriage is the way of life to which you are called, I would think this saying applies. Of course this does not say how to act in looking for a person to marry.

I don’t mind. The things I said on the other thread were based on what I have read from a book written by a Catholic Apologist.

I have come to Apologetics to find out what others with good knowledge of moral theology think about searching for a spouse.

What I mean by “move about” is for instance, to go to an online dating site searching for a spouse or anywhere one goes and meets people, he thinks or aims at finding a spouse amongst them.

I am asking this question so that I will clearly know the grounds on which to base my arguments when I debate with others.

Personally, spouse searching does not really make sense to me. It was God’s wish to provide Adam with a partner and God created Eve in a way he thought Adam would like. So Eve was God’s choice and not Adams.
When people move about today “filtering” others in the name of finding Mr. or Miss, then I wonder if that’s what God requires of us.

So that’s what I would like to know (if it’s okay for people to be searching for a spouse. I don’t mean praying to God… but practical searching like online dating and stuff like that)

Hey for all we know, they may not have been as old as you think. Don’t forget, the Old Testament was fraught with allegory. Who’s to say the way people measured time/age back then is the same as now? Furthermore, human life expectancy only increased in proportion to advances in medicine. Even in classical Rome, the life expectancy was only 28 years. How much less could it have been hundreds of years earlier during the time of Abraham?

In short, I wouldn’t be so quick to pit the Old Testament against scientific facts. :wink:

Hey at least when you get it and yet you’ve found someone, you’d be one person short of being alone. :stuck_out_tongue:

I doubt even Jesus would want kids to end up with Down syndrome because their mom didn’t marry and have them earlier enough.

“Melancholy” is an understatement in my case. Oh well, at least I’ll have one more reason to get a girl: it would be the final proof that while I may have his face, I am the complete opposite of my father. -_-

I have. Can’t say I got much advice except I should keep pouring it all out in my well-written yet so cold and depressing short stories. It helps… for the most part. In the end I’m still an emo though. :\

Yeah well sorry if not every one of us is capable of feeling warm fuzzy feelings from God. I personally can only go so far in life relying on some metaphysical voice in my head that I can neither prove or disprove is real.

It’s why I’m in a hurry to finish college. I’d have more time to actually go out and look for someone without this jam-packed schedule.

I thought you wanted to quote what I said about online dating on the other thread. Ok, I understand you didn’t want to continue derailing that thread (LOL) but we would be derailing this one;). I suggest you start another thread about your situation. I have a lot to offer.

I don’t know. It looks more suited to this one if you ask me. You wanna ask if its good to search for a spouse right? If you read my post again, its easy to see that I am for moving about. :shrug:

Like many other things, I think the answer lies in what God expects of in terms of “action”. For example, if one loses one’s job and prays to God for an employment opportunity, what does God expect of that person? Sit at home and wait for him to throw a job opportunity in their lap or go out looking for employment opportunities?

Methinks searching for a spouse is a lot like looking for a job. The Almighty has given us free will in these (and other) areas. We get to make a choice, and in such we need to put in the time and effort to make a good decision. Of course he can help us and guide us in making a proper decision, but we have to ask for guidance and listen for it when it is given.

As far as online vs. “traditional” dating, I don’t see a whole lot of difference as far as the Almighty is concerned. It’s just another way of meeting and getting to know people. I’m old enough to where I really don’t “get it”, but it’s part of this generation and if I was younger I might make use of it.

GOd helps those who helps themselves, dude. What, you gonna just sit at home the rest of your life praying a spouse will just land in your lap?

A double :thumbsup: !!!

“Don’t ask God to guide your footsteps unless you’re willing to move your feet.”


Unless God decides to drop a suitable man down my chimney, I’m not sure how I’m going to find one without searching. :smiley:

:hmmm: (You think I should clean the fireplace, just in case??) :stuck_out_tongue:

What would you say about the morality of religous order searching? Does God expect a man or woman called to the religous life to actively search for a religous order to join?

Seriously, I think God “could” drop a potential spouse down one’s chimney if he wanted to, or just sit a potential spouse on one’s doormat if he really wanted to, but you have to go out and actually engage in the process most if not all of the time. I think what people miss is that sometimes the process of searching is also learning about ones self. Its just as much about self discovery as it is about searching for a mate. Its about discerning and learning a prayer relationship with God as much as it is about the whole thing about finding a spouse. Do not overlook the process in focusing on the outcome.

Reminds me of the man who prayed for God to let him win the lottery.
Time and time again, the man failed to win…

He wailed to God “Lord, Lord, I prayed and prayed, but still I never win”…!!!

A voice boomed from the heavens: “Did you buy a lottery ticket yet?”

How the heck do you expect to find a spouse unless you get out and look for one? And looking for said spouse entails going to places where potential spouses hang out… and getting to meet them, and spend time with those potential spouses to learn all about them. This is called “dating,” pal… a colloquialism for “spouse searching.”




Originally Posted by shondrea
GOd helps those who helps themselves, dude. What, you gonna just sit at home the rest of your life praying a spouse will just land in your lap?

You guys could say that to Catholic Relief Services and to all those involved in works of charity.
So there is a long list of people and organisations that you could apprise them that God helps those who help themselves :wink:

FYI, I am not searching for a spouse. I am merely trying to seek theological opinion on spouse searching.

For me, job searching and spouse searching are two different things. I believe there are certain things we do naturally. We go to school, study, work, go to church, take part in sports etc.
In the process of doing all these things, we make friends.

And if everybody agrees that good relationships arise from friendship and that marriage arises from relationship, then spouse searching does not fit in the equation.

There are job offices but I have never heard of “spouse offices”. However, the way things are going, I am sure one day, the secular world would introduce it just as they introduced online dating.

Do you also engage in friend searching?

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