I read an article by this name the other day. And I spoke to some wise mature women who seemed to agree:
- That romantic love is often more "being in love with ones feeling than with the truth about the other person.
- We highly idealize this kind of love in Western societies and thus do not know how to to be satisfied when routine and daily life comes with one's spouse.
I have been dating a wonderful man for a whole year after 3 months of friendship. I always felt something was wrong and a while ago I finally decided to break up and say lets really pray about this. because I felt I could'nt answer adequately to his love. My main problem:
the lack of this pink-cloud experience of romantic being swept off one's feet and being in a state of madness, an atmosphere of such intensity which post-modernity calls falling in love- the lack of this feeling for him is what made me feel uneasy.
I have been in relationships before where I had that crazy-romantic feeling, but now years later I realise its that feeling I miss, and not the persons.. so I think thats rather interesting.
Also, the men I had that feeling with were not stable men that I could actually build a life with or communicate half as well with as with my current friend, who indeed has been my friend more than any other man.
I have heard that the unstable basis of a relationship in itself can contribute to the crazy-falling in love, and indeed I did have the romantic feelings in rather extraordinary circumstances and where there was no future possible for me and those persons.
With my friend now, we met during everyday circumstances, and he has been stable and true to me from day one. But my own lack of "falling in love" has caused me so much anxiety during our relationship..
Some Catholic ladies I know said that my lack of the mad-falling-in-love is maybe a good sign and that the relationship-qualities that I have with my friend are of such kind, that I should be very careful of letting him go: these qualities are great communication, common faith, and also attraction and real friendship.
Do anyone of you have similar experiences.. ? I'd like to hear from women and men who married a person after a time of similar insecurity and who chose to marry or stay with their partner not because of being madly swept off their feet feet but because of deep friendship and appreciation of the other's character and traits.
Thank you whoever answers. I feel like I am at a big cross roads in my life.. My friend still loves me and is hoping.. We are not talking at this time because of my decision, but I still have hope too.. I dont know if my priorities are messed up, or if he is just not the right guy..