I have a problem. Let me start by saying that I’m a convert and my husband is a cradle Catholic that is very frustrated with the Church. He spent some time in an AOG denomination and constantly complains about the RCC and how its people aren’t spiritual enough. But that’s a whole other issue.
Our main problem is contraception. We have 4 small children and I always took the pill when we were trying to avoid, until I converted. My doctor recommends that I use the pill when we aren’t TTC because I have irregular cycles and they tend to be quite long. He said that if it’s my drs recommendation for a legitimate medical problem, that its use is licit and that I should follow drs orders.
But my heart still aches. I still feel guilty…like I"m using a loop hole. I began researching natural ways to regulate my cycle and contacted a Creighton instructor. However, my husband is completely against NFP and is not at all open to more children. He said that he believes in birth control and that that he is so sure he is “done” that he wants a vasectomy. I can understand him not wanting another baby right now. I woould love more children, but only if he wants it too. It isn’t something that I want to insist on, even though the thought of our youngest being our last is painful. I feel that God should plan our family, but it isn’t enough for just “me” to think that.
He told me that if I use NFP he’ll use condoms and that if I get pregnant it will cause serious problems in our marriage. He didn’t say he would leave me, but said that he may even resent the child. He only wanted 2 and we have 4, so he’s not compromising anymore. Further, if I had told him I wanted such a big family, he never would have married me. Ugh…this is just so SO painful!
Is it wrong to continue to use the pill? I am so anti-BCP, but I’m confused bc I’m receiving a medical benefit from something that I feel has been a detriment to society.
I feel like we’re falling apart over this. I told him that I would take the pill, only bc my dr ordered it and my pastor ok-ed it. I also feel it’s the only way to stop him from having a vasectomy. I truly feel that with prayer he may have a change of heart one day but right now I feel like he’s the most selfish man on the planet. Them more I insist on NFP, the more tense things become and the more he hates the Church.
I guess I just want to stop feeling guilty and stop feeling like I’m betraying Jesus and His church every time I pop a pill or am intimate with my husband.
It’s like I’m in a mixed marriage (even though he’s still “technically” Catholic) and I just am not able to sort this thing out.
Thanks for reading…