"The Priest Will Separate You Two..."

My husband and I will be convalidating our marriage next year. I would like to be able to receive Communion again but we are only married civilly. We would have our convalidation sooner but I would like a few family members to attend and they live outside of our country so travel arrangements are a concern.

We will be meeting with a priest at our church soon. When I spoke to the church secretary, she mentioned that our priest will separate us and ask each of us questions. Any idea as to what the priest will ask?

1 Like

I’m no expert but my guess is he wants to determine that each of you consented to be in a married relationship and intends to continue in it. So that he can establish retroactive validity.


I’m not saying he will tell you this but he JUST told my niece and her boyfriend they had to live SEPERATELY until the wedding. Now being y’all are married he may just say NO relations until the wedding. But this is something that a priest usually tells a civilly married couple who want to be Sacramentally married in the Church.

Thanks! I appreciate this information.

Yes, I agree that the priest will tell us that we cannot make love until our wedding.
I seriously doubt that the priest will ask us to live apart until our marriage is convalidated since we’re already married.

That will be wait and see I guess. Praying for y’all. You’ll be so glad you got married in the Church.


This rebuke seems a bit hasty. Only very limited information was offered in this post. We don’t know how they came to be civilly married…


Not hasty, accurate. We don’t get to change what the Catholic Church teaches because we don’t agree with it. We are not excused for going against it because we do not agree with it or because it is easier to do something another way. I have broken these rules and I know the consequences. The rules are not there to enslave us they are there to set us free and no one is excused. So if this person felt free to bed another person then no, it’s not approved. If they want approval the church is gracious enough to provide a wait for them to get it but it doesn’t change the way they started and it doesn’t change the way things are supposed to be.

1 Like

Honestly according to the Church they aren’t really married until they marry in the Church so the Priest would not be in error if he told them to stay separate.

Very harsh. You did note that they ARE married, albeit civilly? “Not move in together?” You are unaware of the circumstances that led to that decision. I disagree that they put the Church in a bad position, and are obviously working to reconcile.


I’m just wondering how it is that you know so much about their situation. For instance, where they Catholic when they got married? I don’t know. She hasn’t said.


It’s difficult for all involved. Especially if there are children involved. They didn’t say but I’ve seen that happen in hubby’s family. We went to one niece’s marriage convalidation in the Church. A nephew had his marriage convalidated in the Church. We are about to have another niece marry in the Church. They’ve just been living together, for years, never married. We have other nieces and nephews who are civilly married and won’t be getting married in the Church. So it is difficult for many.

Sometimes it’s better not to respond when someone is making accusations.
All I can do is pray that God will remove the anger and prejudice from her heart.

I have not been a member of this forum for very long so I have not posted many topics.
Unfortunately, I have noticed the attitudes which drive many Catholics away from the church.


Yes, indeed. This is why I love Pope Francis so much. He challenges us to choose mercy over hard-hearted legalism. While it is true that the rules and rubrics of the Church are not meant to enslave us, it is also true that they are not meant to be weaponized and used to drive a wedge between Christ and his disciples.


I’m not angry or even mildly upset. I’ve come to face the truth through my own experience. We don’t ask God to adjust to us. We follow God’s ways or we don’t. Living together is not of God. God is merciful in that he gives us a way back to him but that does not excuse the wrong path. Civil marriage is the wrong path. It is not recognized by the church. How is this angry? Is simply a statement of fact. I’m sorry that it offends those who go against the church. I’m not trying to appease anyone. Just stating the facts. If the church gives you a way to make your union right, then make it right.

Again, you assume they were Catholic when they married.

1 Like

God bless you on your journey. The previous posters gave you wonderful advice. As for the poster who is condemning your actions . This saddens me. This is not how Jesus treated those who loved him. Look at the thief on the cross. Mother Angelica said when we face God, He will not look at who we were in our past but who we became at the end of our life. What a journey.


Well, civil marriage is absolutely valid unless one of the parties is Catholic.


Thank you for your blessings. It’s true that Jesus was loving and forgiving. I know Jesus was thrilled the moment I walked into Mass for the first time in many years. He was with me when I made my first confession in decades and wept. Mary and Jesus watch with pride as I say my Rosary several times a week. I will not be deterred by anyone who wants to play God by damning me to Hell.


Yes, I agree. That is why I am having my civil marriage convalidated.

1 Like
DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.