The regular "girl" issue - what should I do?


#1

So...like usual, there is a girl. Guy (me) likes pretty girl, guy used to date girl. Girl gave him up nearly a year ago. Guy can't stop thinking about girl, at the same time she was a bit of a mind-games individual. Pretty destructive behaviour, slept around, etc. (not whilst we were dating though)

When we met and decided to date, I told her let's abstain and she was open to the idea and was probably a bit confused as to why I didn't want sex, but she was happy about it and thought it was something a bit different.

I became a bit too clingy, and I guess she realized she could manipulate me quite easily, which she did, and became bored of me. We kept in some regular contact over the months, but she really isn't interested in me anymore.

Would praying about it make any difference? A long time ago I was reading about this guy called Nehemiah, in came in email about a devotional; rebuilding what's broken. But I don't know whether I should apply it to this or not.


#2

[quote="Several_Flies, post:1, topic:214841"]
So...like usual, there is a girl. Guy (me) likes pretty girl, guy used to date girl. Girl gave him up nearly a year ago. Guy can't stop thinking about girl, at the same time she was a bit of a mind-games individual. Pretty destructive behaviour, slept around, etc. (not whilst we were dating though)

When we met and decided to date, I told her let's abstain and she was open to the idea and was probably a bit confused as to why I didn't want sex, but she was happy about it and thought it was something a bit different.

I became a bit too clingy, and I guess she realized she could manipulate me quite easily, which she did, and became bored of me. We kept in some regular contact over the months, but she really isn't interested in me anymore.

Would praying about it make any difference? A long time ago I was reading about this guy called Nehemiah, in came in email about a devotional; rebuilding what's broken. But I don't know whether I should apply it to this or not.

[/quote]

I think you honestly have to ask yourself if this girl and you have the same values. If not would you really be able to marry and raise children with this girl. Dating is to discern marriage. If you think that she does not have the same values than maybe the purpose of your friendship is just that - friendship. Maybe she will learn something from that. May I suggest a reading on the friendship between St Francis and St Clare as an example.


#3

IMHO, praying about it would be a very smart thing to do.

Who better to advise you than the Holy Spirit?

Although you think of her and may feel love for her, it seems it never fully developed into a mature and loving relationship.
I'd suggest you get active with other people, maybe even try online matching to people who also have Christian values.


#4

[quote="Todd520, post:3, topic:214841"]
IMHO, praying about it would be a very smart thing to do.

Who better to advise you than the Holy Spirit?

Although you think of her and may feel love for her, it seems it never fully developed into a mature and loving relationship.
I'd suggest you get active with other people, maybe even try online matching to people who also have Christian values.

[/quote]

Hey guys, thanks for the responses.

As for the online matchmaking, I'm not really interested. I'm not desperate to try and get into a relationship with someone. I just miss her, and she was a bit weird (in a cool kind of way to me) so I was just wondering if it was OK to pray about it even though she has a dodgy history, but then again we all fall short.

Get "active" with other people haha? I'm sure you didn't mean it THAT way, but yea...l'm fine with others. Not leading a depressed life if that's what you meant. I just miss her, don't know if I should pursue it any further.


#5

[quote="joandarc2008, post:2, topic:214841"]
I think you honestly have to ask yourself if this girl and you have the same values. If not would you really be able to marry and raise children with this girl. Dating is to discern marriage. If you think that she does not have the same values than maybe the purpose of your friendship is just that - friendship. Maybe she will learn something from that. May I suggest a reading on the friendship between St Francis and St Clare as an example.

[/quote]

I will read up on it now, thanks :)


#6

Prayer, rosaries, going to adoration...they are all very beneficial. Right now you're memories of when the relationship worked are clouding your better judgement of the situation. Its easy to "romanticize" the past and this girl, when you've clearly stated why the relationship didn't work out. Unless the girl has given you any indication she has changed to make another honest effort at having a healthy relationship with her, its best just to keep your distance and pray.


#7

[quote="joandarc2008, post:2, topic:214841"]
. May I suggest a reading on the friendship between St Francis and St Clare as an example.

[/quote]

I just read it, I'm not sure what that relationship (friendship) has to do with me and the girl? It bears no resemblance, nor does it really apply in any regard.

[quote="PatriceA, post:6, topic:214841"]
Prayer, rosaries, going to adoration...they are all very beneficial. Right now you're memories of when the relationship worked are clouding your better judgement of the situation. Its easy to "romanticize" the past and this girl, when you've clearly stated why the relationship didn't work out. Unless the girl has given you any indication she has changed to make another honest effort at having a healthy relationship with her, its best just to keep your distance and pray.

[/quote]

Good post mate, thanks for that. You're right, I guess infatuation is clouding my judgment.


#8

I just read it, I'm not sure what that relationship (friendship) has to do with me and the girl? It bears no resemblance, nor does it really apply in any regard.

Just that it was a chaste friendship between a man and a woman that lead to a strong walk of life representing the Gospels which also lead to the creation of three branches of a religious order that still last 800 years later. (6 if you count the Dominicans which sprang from the Franciscans.) St Clare also brought a few of her own family members from a very posh lifestyle to the Order of the Poor Clares through her conversion - all due to her chaste friendship with St Francis. If not for this chaste friendship history of the Church would have been profoundly different. This is how this story relates to your situation - it could be that the mismatch in your morals where it comes to chastity could be more a call for her conversion than it could be a call for a relationship. I know she may be Catholic already - but conversion is not just as simple as our religious nomenclature it is our day to day moral values and it is a daily process.


#9

[quote="joandarc2008, post:8, topic:214841"]
Just that it was a chaste friendship between a man and a woman that lead to a strong walk of life representing the Gospels which also lead to the creation of three branches of a religious order that still last 800 years later. (6 if you count the Dominicans which sprang from the Franciscans.) St Clare also brought a few of her own family members from a very posh lifestyle to the Order of the Poor Clares through her conversion - all due to her chaste friendship with St Francis. If not for this chaste friendship history of the Church would have been profoundly different. This is how this story relates to your situation - it could be that the mismatch in your morals where it comes to chastity could be more a call for her conversion than it could be a call for a relationship. I know she may be Catholic already - but conversion is not just as simple as our religious nomenclature it is our day to day moral values and it is a daily process.

[/quote]

I see, I guess you got more insight than me into it even though you don't know us. (Not being sarcastic) :)

Yes, she's Catholic too, but doesn't follow it. So I should pray for her then?


#10

[quote="Several_Flies, post:9, topic:214841"]
I see, I guess you got more insight than me into it even though you don't know us. (Not being sarcastic) :)

Yes, she's Catholic too, but doesn't follow it. So I should pray for her then?

[/quote]

Absolutely - pray for her, in my own opinion - pray or her continued conversion and God's will for her and that her continued conversion may bear witness to her peers and past sexual partners. Pray for the intercession of St Mary of Magdalene. (And no I am not calling her names - I am saying that St Mary of Magdalene experienced such a profound conversion of these particular morals that she was the first person to whom the Resurrected Lord Jesus Christ appeared.)


#11

I will pray for you to find a gal with whom you will be equally yoked.

A woman who doesn't understand or believe in chastity while single, will not be understanding of the Catholic truths concerning chastity and NFP inside of marriage. Your marriage will run a much higher risk of divorce.

I speak from experience. As a revert to Catholicism, it took me until I was 45 years old to understand chastity and the sancity of life concerning relationships, children and contraception.

Being overtly sexually attracted to a particular women, does not make her the choice that God intends for you. In fact, it is blinding you to women who share your Catholic perspective.


#12

I will add to the other replies, she seems way too immature at this point. You may not realize it, but she probably did you a service by dumping you. Mind games, manipulation, destructive behavior - those are the things you mention about her. I understand that you are torn between what your mind and what your feelings tell you. You clearly realize on an intellectual-rational level that this girl has serious issues. Yet, you miss her, and I will be the last person to fault you for your feelings. I have been in your shoes, too.

Pray for her, but from a distance. You don't need to, you probably shouldn't, try to get back together with her.


#13

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