I am a guy in highschool, who is regared by most, as a holy guy. But they only see the outside, cus on the inside, I am losing to an addiction to porn and mastrubation. I have lots of questions on how to stop, and I know many guys like me do to. Please share any advice.
Well, the first step is to quit porn. Do you think you really are addicted to porn, or could you kick the habit with some effort and/or porn-blocking apps?
We are experiencing the same thing. It’s annoying because that’s not how I’ve been all the time. I don’t want them to expect then in the end …
It will be a hard thing to accomplish. I try prayer most of the time and thinking that I’m offending Jesus and I don’t want to hurt Him. Of course, I can’t help it and fall into making God feel bad sometimes but I’m still trying my best to avoid them. Prayer helps a lot but trying blocking porn and remember that you’re hurting God whenever you sin will better.
I know exactly what you are talking about because I went through addiction myself first very young in elementary school and later into life. Let me share some things that helped me get over this massive hurdle…especially since I’m guessing, like myself, not many people talk about fighting against porn in your life and more people see it as the norm and encourage it.
Trying to stop because it is sin may help some people initially. It is harder when you’re addicted and surrounded by it. Know this: it is a Mortal Sin, and you MUST go to confession. This is the primary way your going to stop.
Stop rationalizing it. You need to realize that your inclination is natural (It is normal for men to have sexual attraction to women) but that does not justify you being single or in and bad relationship and feeling sorry for yourself. Its not going to help your problem, which in my case was feeling lonely. We have a disordered sense of pleasure. Masturbation is not love, it never will be. Masturbation is abuse: of yourself and the people who are in those videos/pictures/etc. If you are in a relationship it then becomes abuse of your partner as well. The people who are in those videos and pictures are being sold for money…imagine that, and you are the customer. It is a disgusting business, and its a massive one in this world, its time to pick up your cross and fight the battle against them. That mindset is one thing helped me stop.
What is happening is spiritual warfare. This fact also helped me to quit. When you have the urge or thoughts to look that stuff up, you need to stop yourself somehow. It might not be the same way every time.
-Pray, ask Jesus and Mary to help, your guardian angel, etc. PRAY THE ROSARY
-remember the last time you did it and how awful it feels afterwards…the feeling of guilt (this is actually a good thing, its your conscience telling you to turn back to God)
-Go for a run, play a sport, do something active.
-read a book. the Bible is a good one, any other book can also help.
-Call up your friends or family and do something with them instead of being alone.
-put down your phone, or close the computer, or turn off the TV. Get away from it and do one of the above.
to be continued below…
- When you fail, go to confession. If you fail the next day, guess what? Go to confession…and on and on.
Eventually you will find yourself becoming closer to God and hating the idea of wanting to disobey God. The best thing about it: confession will become regular and you will lose the fear that some people (many people) have of the sacrament. Use confession as a weapon of spiritual warfare, that’s why Jesus gave it to us. If you are like me, then you want to be better. That person you feel like after you watch porn and masturbate is not who you want to be. Remember this, and remember that this battle is going to last your whole life.
Yes, even if you are in a relationship or married, and the best way to ensure you keep yourself clean for God and your future wife is to practice. So start now, go to confession whenever necessary, take pride in the fact that whenever you sin you know your going to turn right back to God.
- Lastly the Eucharist.
This is the most important reason that helped me to stop. You need to develop an increasing reverence for the Eucharist. This is the reason that you do the other things: because when you sin mortally, you can no longer receive Jesus. It should be your sole focus before attending mass to ask yourself: Am I Clean? Am I ready to carry our Lord within myself today?
I want to be able to receive Jesus every week. Masturbation just gets in the way of that…not worth it.
You hit the nail on the head when you said it likly wasn’t talked about in my daily life. I almost couldn’t bring myself to make this topic, if only becuase it makes me feel weak. But I suppose I am weak, and making this will help fix that. Thank you so much for your input. I have a few more questions, and it’s such a rare thing to be able to talk openly about this, that I just have to ask them.
-I know not FEELING like praying is not a reason to skip it, but I don’t always remember this.
- What if I cannot go to confession? This is due to the virus where I live, as well as not having a car.
- Should I let more people know about this.
Thank you so much for your time, you have no idea what this is doing to help me. I have gone without someones guidence for far too long. God Bless you Colorado.
No I do believe I am addicted to it, I have tried to quit, and install software, but I always find some way around it. How do you think I should go about quitting? Im open to any idea at this point.
You and I are weak, but that’s not to say everyone doesn’t have their own vices. This is one of yours, so I think it’s good that you recognize that you have a problem. Things like covenant eyes or blockers are fine tools, yes, that’s true and they may work. However, the secular world does not view porn and masturbation as a problem, they would say its “natural” just like other animals (but we are not JUST animals, we are people, and so are the people in those photos and videos). I say all of this because to me this is a spiritual problem as you might have noticed. I also never used these tools to help myself out of it (God did the heavy lifting), which is why I think you need to solve this problem a different way.
Prayer is essential. Remember YOU are weak, GOD is strong (OK great, but that’s kind of cheesy, and how does that help you?..) you need to develop yourself spiritually to the point where you are actively thinking about morality and the choices you make on a daily basis. This is why you have to start praying, and its the exact reason praying something like the rosary or the divine mercy chaplet, or setting aside 10-20 minutes for prayer between you and God EVERY DAY is so important. I know, sounds really difficult to just start cold turkey, but you have to give it a shot. Pray for strength for yourself, pray for those in similar situations, pray for those who are abused by the porn industry, etc. I don’t care if its literally one decade per day (that would take 5 minutes tops) you need to develop a habit so that you develop the habit of fighting this addiction.
Meditate on what is causing you to fall into this habit, is it going to help your situation? Is there something you can do to change it? Maybe what you think you need (a companion/ friendship) isn’t what you need, maybe you need to be independent and focus on being a better person first. God has things planned out for you, it will happen if God wills it, YOU need to focus on what God wants you to do now…which probably includs being with him in some way, shape, or form every day.
I understand biking might not work depending on the distance, just go as often as you can. When you go to church, often they will have confession before or after. If your parents are Catholic ask them to go with you because you’d like to go more often. I know, I know, they are probably going to ask why…just say because “I haven’t been in a bit and I’d like to go” you don’t have to explain the entire situation to them. Its no news to me that many Catholics have the “one per year is good enough rule” but that is simply not enough in my opinion if you are trying to build up your faith.
Who? and Why?
Of course! You have no idea how many young men and women feel the same way you do. You probably have no idea how positive a response you will get if you say “Hey maybe porn is a bad thing, maybe we should stop.” Don’t be disappointed if you get a negative response and they push you off…its hard, I get it, because nobody wants to talk about their personal problems…but honestly being a light in the darkness or at least someone who is willing to talk about this kind of thing openly is generally pretty rare.
One more thing I would like to add:
People do some real weird and horrible things. We are fallen. Going to confession often builds the confidence necessary (and the humility) to understand yourself better. Getting in front of that priest almost every week/two weeks to kill my addiction was both a way to dispel my fear of telling someone how awful I was, but also to just get out there and say what you did wrong. He can’t tell anyone, so tell him exactly what is on your mind, and write it down on a secret list if you have to. Don’t hold back anything (because if you do you don’t receive absolution, but also to just get it out of your mind).
Often when I was going through this process, I would be spiritually attacked, the thoughts would come very strong and often at random and scheduled parts of the day. (like driving in the car, or when I prayed my rosary). I often thought of Jesus on the Cross when these thoughts came and would say to myself under my breath or in my head something along the lines “NO, that is not me anymore” (to the demon), or “Jesus help me”, “Mary pray for me,” you get the point. It helped me, maybe it will help you.
Also, get a blessed Miraculous medal and wear it (haven’t taken mine off in about a year now), when you go to confession have the priest bless your rosary (that thing will be like a burning sword for those evil thoughts…like a hot knife through butter). Not to be superstitious, but these things are real, and they do work.
It’s comforting to know Im not alone Eugene. Thanks.
When’s the last time anybody has been chastised deeply for jacking off? Just don’t do the porn. There’s like a million reasons to not watch porn, but you only need one. Thou shall not look at a women with lust. It’s something I struggle with too bro. The key word is STRUGGLE. You’re TRYING.
Btw, not looking at porn is great. You actually look at better stuff. Atleast when I stop I do.
Also try to stop jacking off. But it’s hard, and definitely don’t do the porn. You could journal when you start to get tempted then you’ll have something to look back at and see how you fought. It will be encouraging. It’ll also get you into prayer which is what you need when you’re being tempted. You’ll probably also make resolutions. I started journaling every day at the end of the night and it helps recollect myself. Maybe it would help this.