Hey guys whats going on, my name is Brandon and i will probably fill in a little about myself later on, and I had a couple ( or a lot ) of questions I hope would get answered.
I turned away from the Catholic Church for quite a few years, but after sitting through some philosophy classes, and having a really good religion teacher this semester, I decided I was willing to turn back to the faith, mainly because it is the only religion with the most consistent views that correlesque with our nature, and our reason. I recently wrote a paper, about how the Pre-Socratic philosophers inadvertently readied us for a messiah, and that only strengthened my faith afterwards.
I want to be able to say I am a smart guy, but there are so many things I just fail to understand and I need some answers, I hope you’ll all be able to help me out.
I come from a terrible family life, like horrible, if you wanna know I’d be more than happy to share, it is however the core of who I am. Without it, I would not be as strong as i am, but also as vulnerable ironically.
I’ll try to put numbers beside my questions to help clarify if it’ll help you help me I suppose lol.
My dad has done some pretty terrible things, and the catholic church says I need to forgive him. I would be able to do that, if he felt there was something to forgive. I know if i commit a wrong, then i can reason I did wrong, and if someone asked me to apologize I would. My Dad did some of the worst things possible, and after talking with him, he concludes he did nothing wrong. These are not in my opinion subjectively wrong either. What he has done would be frowned upon in all of society, he is completely objectively wrong, but he still refuses to admit he’s wrong, and I know deep in his heart, he truly believes this. How do I get over that? i know this is probably my pride here, but how can i forgive someone, whom truly believes they did nothing wrong. I think it’s silly Jesus would truly expect that, my heart says otherwise, but i still don’t know how i could forgive him. i want to, but just can’t do it
I used to write poetry, I was told I was good at it, one of my poems got published, my name is the same as my poetry username, if you want a link, i’ll give it to you, however be prepared to be disappointed.
I kept poetry a secret because I had this irrational fear that my mom was going to mock me for it, and my sister. When something got published, she hated my poem, and tol me kids can’t write like that. We got into a fight, and she mocked what i wrote. I have pretty much decided I will not write again, and that hurts. But that poem was me really digging at my most crippling insecurities, and what i was afraid I was going to become. To see it used against me frankly turned me off of it forever, and I could never tell her that. i just find it hard to forgive as well.
I don’t have a very hard time forgiving strangers, this is because in my opinion. Strangers, are called to love you, but that’s difficult, so I can understand if some are mean. Family is a different matter. They’re supposed to be the ones who would never try to hurt you, have your side, support you. I have their best interests in mind, even though I get angry at times, I know I would never say anything truly hateful, or truly try to hurt them. I am going to move out as soon as possible. And when I do, idk if I’ll eve be able to truly forgive them in my heart. I can say " oh yeah I do " but i don’t know if I’ll feel it.
- Do I need to confess before I truly call myself a catholic again, I can’t stand the people who call themselves Catholics, but don’t practice the faith. So I do not want to be a hypocrite. I can not attend church, I live with my mom, and we don’t have a car, and if I left every Sunday morning she’d put two and two together quickly, and I don’t want to go through that when she does.
i only receive the Eucharist 5-7 times a year at school, and only confess twice a year, but those are not my pursuing it, thats the school doing it, so I don’t feel they count. I feel I should only call myself a Catholic when I go and do it myself if that makes sense? Is that correct?
- My final question goes out to anyone who knows a lot about Philosophy. There was a philosopher called Socretes, and he was a smart man. He said, before we determine what we should be, we should ask what we are. I Have no idea how to sit down, and evaluate myself as a person. Figure out my heart and souls make-up. Does anyone know what Socretes meant? If so could they maybe tell me what questions I should ask myself, so I could sit down, and ask honestly.
I am asking these questions for two reasons. I pretend I have inner peace, but I know I don’t I want to be able to look at myself and say, yes I understand what I am now, and I can live life saying I love everyone, I may not like them, but I’ll love them. I want to love myself as well, with these grudges, I know deep down i can’t.
I’ve also wanted to ask a girl out for a while, but I feel, without knowing what I am, i will only hurt her like my dad hurt my mom, and I don’t want to do that. i get misty eyes thinking about this, I don’t want her to say yes to a project whom loathes himself, she deserves more than that, ( if she said yes ) I need to know myself before I put her through anything.
Sorry for the long read, I hope you’ll all offer wonderful advice.