Therapy and parenting

My son has been in therapy for many years. Only now, with out of home placement, is he getting the help he needs.
One of the delays is that often times in the past, people have blamed me, resulting in my son not getting all the attention he needed. I feel bad both for parents like me who get blamed for " examples " and for the children who are either enabled or neglected of needed care, because they are hidden by the parent example theory .

I’m not sure I fully understand. Are you saying that therapists failed to diagnose your son’s issues correctly because you have issues so they assumed his were the same as yours when they were actually something else? Mental and behavioral health evaluation is a really tricky business in general. You can’t find depression or autism or ADHD or personality disorders on a microscope slide. Unfortunately, there can be years of guesswork involved. I’m glad your son is finally in a place where he is getting the treatment he needs!

Mike, I remember some of your history. Just be glad that your son is finally getting the help he needs, and forget about any blame or guilt people may have put on you in the past. No one can ever really know what goes on in a family. There are things that they are not privy to, family dynamics and history they can’t begin to factor in, nor should they try.

Ignore the people in your past that blamed you. Try and look forward. Pray for your son and your family. Trust God’s will for your life, and pray that you follow God’s will no matter what happens with your son. At some point, you have to allow him to go, even if it means he makes mistakes and has to suffer for the consequences. You don’t need to stop loving him, but neither should you enable him or try and fix things he messes up. He needs to clean up his own life, no matter what it takes.

May God bless you and your family.

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