Things are getting better, but still scared

We got one of the rats in the crawlspace, I went down to check yesterday and saw that the whole block of poison had been eaten and there was a fly and it smelled like something had died.

Unfortunately my son did not come home on time to check for the dead body to remove it, and put down more poison, and there are passageways from the crawlspace to the kitche n, which I just blocked by stuffing them full of old grocery store bags as the stench was overwhelmingly and leading me to fear. Not a pleasant thing to breathe in the smell of dead rat at 2 a.m. when alone and I had gone to sleep in a discouraged mood.

May I say that Mr. Anathema Sit was present to my mind as I struggled with frightening thoughts?–I just noticed that he was just on line. Also St. Teresa of Avila; and St. Terese of Lisieux (sp?), the latter leading me back to desperation as I fear that my soul WAS destroyed by what happened to me through the fellow at the state hospital, when I think back to a certain period in my life that followed. I was led to evil thoughts and deeds.

Last night I was remembering how I started to get carried away by the music at a large mall when with a Christian (?) friend from the state hospital around that time, and had the terrible feeling that I was going to lose control of my body and break into wild gyrations; as I had had about 5 fits in which I lost physical control due to the physical damage from the overdose. I am looking at everything, all of it, and praying my version of the rosary, which I know is not the correct one but it helps me, and asking for the interecession of St. Michael the Archangel in my own life and in the lives of everyone touched by the terrible evil that befell me pursuant to the suicide attempt and going to the state hospital. I was only 24. Everything since that time has been affected. I don’t know how my husband figures into it, I prayed for him for about 45 minutes last night and came up empty-handed, still not understanding whether he is a good man somewhere in his heart who was affected by the evil in me or a bad one who was taking advantage, and fearing that our marriage is not valid and that our son is (this thought has worried me many times) the chilld of fornication. I was told in my heart just two nights ago that he, my son, had received the call, I know he had not yet before that, which would mean that he would follow the Lord, I don’t know about these matters and it scares me.

My husband himseld saif when we first met that he thought I was possessed, I thought he was joking. He seemed relieved yesterday when I said (he called to discuss the rodent problem) that I was praying for hm. He seemed calmed by this. I’m not going to detail his present activities but I truly fear there is no saving our marriage, that I was living in a dream to think it would all come out right in the end, and what does this mean for our son? As I said, I went to sleep (downstairs in the living room as there are still rats on the roof over my bedroom and I’m afraid to sleep in there now, they wake me up) in a state of discouragement, and that smell when I woke up just now took me to some very bad places in my mind. I must have been breathing it in all night.

When I look at how much evil I have been in, what I have done, what others have done to me, and what I have experienced in my mind, I fear that not only am I lost but my son is also, I don’t know what to think about my husband, please pray for me.

I killed a rat with a trap about ten years ago, then we had a pet mouse who died an early death, then there was a dead armadillo in the back yard which I moved when it was almost in putrefaction because I was scared of it, these things upset me. Please pray.

Since no one else would pray for me, I prayed for myself. I got on my knees. I begged God for forgiveness for the things I did during the period after the state hospital, and was lifted, and cried.

First, I said what they say on my Catholic radio station during the daily broadcast mass at noon: “Since I can’t be with you sacramentally, come into my heart spiritually…”

I don’t have that comfort and safety. Church. A good religious upbringing. The sacaraments. I have not been accepted in this community and was turned away from the Catholic Church in town. I have a bad history. I am scary. I am also a person who was a little girl once and I am getting better again. I am healing spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I am told by the Lord again and again recently that I may die soon. I am living to serve my husband according to the Lord’s will, to help my son, and to let him help me serve my husband.

Never underestimate the power of one bad psychologist.

Or the influence of a father who is not in the truth.

O beloved Saint Francis, gentle and poor, your obedience to God and your simple, deep love for all God’s creatures led you to the heights of heavenly perfection and turned many hearts to follow God’s will. Now, in our day, pray also for us, in our ministry to the many who come here searching for peace and intercede for us as we come before the Lord with our special requests.

Pray that Lynnehelen is filled with our Lords Grace and the assistance she needs may come

O blessed Saint of God, from your throne among the hosts of heaven present our petitions before our faithful Lord. May your prayers on our behalf be heard and may God grant us the grace to lead good and faithful lives. Amen.

Saint Francis of Assisi,
Pray for us. Amen.

rat infestations are scary.

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle; be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the divine power of God, cast into hell Satan, and all the evil spirits, who prowl around the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

Gertrude of Nivelles, pray for us!

I am praying.

Praying for your intentions….

Lord Jesus, You have said, “Learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart.” With confidence in Your loving heart which offers rest to weary souls, we come to You in this time of special need. In Your unfailing love, read the prayer that is written on our hearts, and grant the grace that we ask of You, in accordance with Your holy will. In Your name we pray. Amen.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, and sought thy intercession, was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother, to thee I come, before thee I stand sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate! Despise not my petitions, but, in thy mercy, hear and answer me. Amen.

Praying for your intentions….

Lord Jesus, You have said, “Learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart.” With confidence in Your loving heart which offers rest to weary souls, we come to You in this time of special need. In Your unfailing love, read the prayer that is written on our hearts, and grant the grace that we ask of You, in accordance with Your holy will. In Your name we pray. Amen.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, and sought thy intercession, was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother, to thee I come, before thee I stand sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate! Despise not my petitions, but, in thy mercy, hear and answer me. Amen.

Lord, please help lynnehelen and heal her. Please protect her and her family from the Evil One. May this family love one another and practice their Caholic faith together. If lynnehelen was kicked out of a parish community may she find another better one where she can receive you in the sacraments. She needs to receive you in the sacraments for the strength and healing she so desperately needs. Please help her to find a holy parish where she can praise, honor and worship you with others. Thank you, Lord, for hearing my prayer.

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