Drinking (excessively like alcoholic) and gambling… NO. sometimes i would wish though, to give me an easy way out of this nightmare. ill list some of the things he does:
he shaved his head. i mean with no clip on the clippers. he used to have such great hair, and now its GONE. he says “i just felt like it” the no sex thing isnt a problem all that much for me anymore. i am so repulsed by the fact he looks like a skinhead. i asked him to let it grow in…he wont.
hes taken going to the gym to a new extreme. 6 days a week, hired a personal trainer, and is doing “body for life” by Bill Phillips diet. now if i wanted to marry a model, i could have. i dated a guy before him that modeled. but he seems to think that his new physique should be really appealing for me, but id rather him just be home and at least listen to me. ALSO, he is now shaving or waxing his body hair. basically, he is a hairless all over. “it helps my muscles stand out…” is the reply. YUCK YUCK!!! it looks so unnatural. he doesnt care.
he listens to music that i absolutely positively dont approve of. his new favorite band is “Disturbed”. i asked him “just not in the house…, just dont blemish my home with such sin.” what do i come home to while hes working? “Down with the sickness” playing in the DVD stereo. and hes got tickets to some bands concerts that are just as bad.
i told you about the party thing.
-he went to his friends birthday party, who hired a stripper.
-he goes with his friends to a local bar that has “Girl on Girl Friday” to watch college girls kiss each other for free drinks.
-he invites friends over that i dont approve of, and they play xbox and playstation in the basement, violent and just bad video games.
-he is designated driver sometimes, and will go out with some freinds who just want to pick up girls to “hookup”. so he facilitates premarital sex.
-he no longer sleeps in our room. he stays in the basement on the pull out couch and his computer and home entertainment center.
-he now has this new attitude and chip in his shoulder because hes now “hot stuff”, or so he acts, with the “Im down to 10% body fat”. if we do go somewhere, inevitably girls do tend to look at him, and he eats it up. its disgusting. hes just got this cocky smile on his face all the time now.
he is methodist, and still goes to church. when we were engaged and dating, we always comprimised on music we were listenting to, places we went, things we watched. now he tells me that im so “uptight” about everything, and to “relax, were married now”. i knew he was a little rough around the edges back then, but i figured pretty much anyone had their flaws.
and the killer is, i gave him “say what is really on your mind Friday” and asked him some questions, just to hear the truth:
Q:why doest not having sex with me NOT bother you so badly like it does me?
A: because you are terrible in bed. im not missing anything spectacular
Q:why do you not respect my views on MB and sex
A: because they are from the 1940’s and i live in the present
Q: why did you respect my views back then on not having sex before marriage?
A: because i could take care of it myself without having to worry about a self-righteous wife trying to tell me what is and isnt wrong
Q: why wont you listen to me, i mean really listen about the way i feel?
A: i do listen, but i stop listening when you get emotional and crying because its just plain irrational and irritating.
i am so sorry i ever let him speak his mind. as if things werent bad enough about his problem without me knowing now that he thinks i am bad sexually.