Sweetie, I was “married to your husband.” You are enabling him and that whole “get me this, get me that” thing is maddening. Is he helpless? Are you his maid?
No, he won’t find the perfect woman to put up with this. Trust me. My xh is on his second fiancee in 9 years since the divorce. He lives with his mother who is the root cause of all this. No matter how much he abuses her and throws things at the wall, she won’t move out and let him write his own checks, make his own sandwiches and make his own coffee and make his own bed.
She can have him.
Rescue your son. You say you love your husband, but really, you hate him. You love who you used to think he was. He was never that person. That person was a fake. Once you moved in the real husband took over.
Leave before the next thing he throws at the wall is you or your child.
No sane woman puts up with that. The keeping you up at night screaming, the constant picking and criticizing… all that is to keep you off balance and rip you down in your own eyes. Get out so a new voice replaces his in your head. It will be your own teeny voice that you will finally hear saying “I have dignity. I don’t deserve to be talked to like I’m a bad dog.”
Quit making excuses for why he is an abusive jerk. Doesn’t matter if he’s bi-polar, uni-polar, non-polar, drunk, crazy, sleep deprived or calcium deficient. He’s a jerk and he doesn’t treat his mental problems to make himself socially acceptable.
Unless you want to look at your child in a few years and see the exact same behavior, take the abuser up on his offer and find a new place to live and a lawyer and a new life.
You’re used to taking care of everything. He’s not. You’ll do much better than he will alone.
I’ll tell you why you do it. You keep hoping if you scurry fast enough and placate him enough, one of these days he’ll be nice to you like it used to be. Nope. He’s got you where he wants you. He enjoys tormenting you. It’s like sex to him. He is even controlling the look on your face. He can make you cry if he wants to. He feels powerful around you. Probably the only place he feels powerful.
Next time he tells you to get him a napkin, calmly tell him they’re in the drawer by the sink or wherever. 10 to 1 he goes into a tirade about how he works all day and if he wants a napkin you can get off your @#@#@ and get him a #@$)(*#$ napkin.
He doesn’t really want a napkin. He wants to keep you from relaxing. You play into his hands.
Do you want to do this until you can’t even remember what makes you happy or relaxed? Until you are so disassociated from your own emotions and feelings that you are a shell of your former self? Aren’t you tired of tiptoeing around in your own soul?
If this were your best friend, what would you tell her to do?