Thinking of another woman


#1

I am an engaged man that has been with my girlfriend for 5 years now. Recently she introduced me to her best friend from her work.
Ever since meeting her I haven’t been able to get her out of my head. I think about her friend alot. She is a beautiful woman that I find attractive. So sometimes I wish I had a chance to date her. I’ve only seen her a few times and she seems really sweet. But she too is engaged to a guy that she has been with going on 6 years now. My questions are, would this be a sin? I have never, ever lusted while thinking about her. My next question would be how can people so young know that, that’s the right person for them to marry? Us both couples have been together since we were freshmen or sophomores in high school. Very little dating experience with others. Us both couples are out of high school and now attend college or going to attend college later. Anybody with similar experiences?


#2

I can only answer your question by putting myself in your shoes.
But if I had a notion of another, then it wouldn’t be wise to get married half-hearted, both will suffer now, but with marriage and possibly children, the children will suffer aswell, it would be best to go for trial seperation.

It isn’t fair to your girlfriend, nor to yourself, you need to get this out of the way before you can go forward.


#3

When you do decide to marry, you should be devoted to your girlfriend and not obsessed with thoughts of another woman. This would be setting yourself up for a bad marriage. If you’re not 100% in the relationship, why do you want to make it permanent? I agree with Eirann that a trial separation might be what you need.

That aside, I met my husband in 11th grade at the regional science fair. Our projects were set up next to each other, and once we started conversing, we never stopped :slight_smile: We lived 80 miles apart, but we just knew that we were the perfect match for each other. Neither of us dated anyone else nor had any inclination to do so. And now, seven years later, we have a happy, loving marriage of 2.5 years and a soon-to-be one year old son.

The easy thing to do would be to go along and get married and not cause any hard feelings. But if you are having doubts as to whether your girlfriend really is the one God intended for you, you need to take some time apart and prayerfully discern. And while you’re at it, it’s a good idea to discern whether God has a married vocation in mind for you at all. Maybe he’s calling you to the religious life. You can’t go wrong with praying seven Glory Be’s to the Holy Spirit daily to discern His will for your life. And it’s quick and easy too :slight_smile: Good luck and God bless!


#4

Well, to tell you the truth recently I have been thinking about becoming a deacon. But I still have some time before I meet the minimum age requirement. My fiance, a recent convert to Catholicism, would also like for me to become a deacon after we get married. Which will be awhile from now because I want to settle in college first. My fiance is the reason why I have a deeper faith now, and the same goes for her about me. The other couple will be getting married sooner then us because of them almost finished with schooling. Separating myself from my fiance, would hurt me more than anything in this world. On the other hand, I agree with what you said about being 100% in the relationship. But if the relationship is not meant to be, something will happen to show me that it’s not. And if the relationship is meant to be, something will happen to show me that it is. To me, separating now is not the answer since I still have time and deeply love her. My question for me I guess would be, do I just love my fiance? Or, do I love and am I in love with my fiance?


#5

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