Sigh... Well, I have no else to talk to about this other than my husband and he doesn't seem to listen, so oh well.
This is the issue. We've been married for about 2 1/2 years. We were doing very well the first year or so, but after my husband started his doctorate, everything has taken a turn for the worse. The main issue is that because he is a graduate student and doesn't earn enough for us to may mortgage, utilities, etc., I have to work. I work full-time, but work from home, which is great and I feel is a great blessing because we have a 8 month-old. That being said, I don't really want to work. I much rather take care of my little one, but we agreed that because of the fact that I work from home and can be with our baby, that I would keep my job as long as I can. That's fine.
The problem is that my husband doesn't do anything during the day other than go to class. He just sits in front of the computer all day. With his assignments, he waits until the last minute and stays up all night. Naturally, the next day he is too tired to help me out with anything around the house, so he sleeps in. He helps around the house sometimes, but 90% of the time I have to ask him and it takes forever for him to get around it. Working full-time while taking care of a baby and on top of that having to cook, do laundry, clean... you get the idea... I'm burned out and sleep-deprived, so I have become extremely resentful towards him. This has been going on for well over a year now. Even when I was pregnant, he wouldn't help me out: he was on the computer 24/7. I have sat down with him and explained why his behavior bothers me so much, but he doesn't seem to respond. He says "you're absolutely right, I need to change" but nothing happens. The bottom line is that I'm tired. I'm burned out. Our love life has basically disappeared. I don't even want to be around him anymore. Sometimes I just take the baby and leave for hours at a time, because I don't care for being around him if he is in the computer. He just asked me why I was so dry toward him and I just broke down and told him I hated him; that I didn't have an ounce of love toward him. He didn't say anything. After a while, he just said "It is also difficult to live with you and your personality, but that doesn't mean I hate you. I love being around you. The problem is that I don't respond well to complaints and that's all you do: complain." Of course, my concerns have turned into complaints over time, because I saw how he didn't respond to my requests for help or for just turning the computer off. The issue is that for months I have been telling him that I don't feel good in this marriage (I said it in a good way), that I wanted us to go to counseling, that we had to do something before it was too late. But he always replied saying that things were just fine (in his mind, there is nothing wrong). Of course there is nothing wrong: he is living the good life while I am being run to the ground. I am the one who changed her life completely after we had a child, because that is what you are supposed to do (children come first!). While he has the same behaviors as if a child or a marriage didn't exist.
We promised a Christ-filled marriage to each other, but it is far from that. I go to Daily Mass whenever I can and I ask him to come with me and he always comes up with excuses all the time. He doesn't want to pray with me or do anything "faith-related..." It used to be so different when we dated... which is WHY I married him.
I can't STAND being around him. It's awful. I don't know what to do. I never thought it would be like this. I just want a husband who can be a man and the head of the household. He is not that at all. :( I don't see him as an equal. I see him rather as a child that I have to nag and I hate that. I already have a plan to leave him. It's that bad. I guess I have come to accept that he doesn't love me; otherwise, he would have changed his behavior a long time ago... now I just tolerate him :( It is hard for me to continue a marriage in which my concerns are constantly being ignored. You can only fix a marriage in which two parties share some kind of concern and want to work things out. This is not our (or MY I should say) case.
I talked to a priest about this, because I get SO angry and filled with so much hatred, that I find myself going to confession every so often about this. The priest told me flat out, "your husband has to be ready to DIE FOR YOU and he doesn't seem like he wants to do that or is prepared to do that"... *That *hit me and put things in perspective...
Thanks for reading. :(