This is agonising.. and I'm not in her direct position


#1

I feel like screaming, I feel like crying.

I am seeing too many mistakes, where the treatment of my mother is concerned.

She is 74 and 46kgs with daily diarrhea, nausea and vomiting. She has been to the ER many times admitted some of the time and then sent home with no real diagnosis and continuance of illness. Her own GP says he can do nothing any more for her.
We again went to the ER and I got a downdressing from the consultant and I felt very itimidated. I think they are embarrassed that my mother has had diarrhea, vomiting for 3 years. At the end of that day, they said we had an urgent appt. with a gastro specialist and now they have no record of it, so no appt and my mother continues to lose strength and weight.
I think there is a black cloud over my mother, and I think and I dont usually blame God, but I feel He has put it there.
She has cursed Him a million times and she has not been the best mother.
She mocked him with prayerful hands and then hurled f word expletives at God when she'd finished a round of vomiting.
I've only been made aware recently that God can punish our sin in our lives and not just after we die.
She is abusive emotionally and loves with condition.

It all is getting too much to bare. Imagine how she feels. I feel like giving up.


#2

Am supporting a dear friend going through almost the same scenario with her mother and I offer prayer simply because like her you may feel too exhausted to pray yourself. And have not yet recovered from going through this with my own mother, then FIL. No. 1 don't blame yourself for ANY of this if you are doing your best. When the medical professionals seem to be attacking or accusing you they are either a) trying to elicit more helpful information about your mother's condition, or b) covering up for their own frustration and inability to diagnose and treat her. No. 2 start now trying to forgive her, and attribute all the unpleasant actions and downright nastiness to her condition, not as a personal attack aimed at you. If you can get to the point where you say to yourself "It's not her, it's the hormones, the meds, the sugar, the chemo" or whatever, you will at least take a huge emotional load off yourself because it depletes your energy to try not to react, lash out or relatiate.


#3

Realize too that her age and condition may make her less responsible for her actions in God's eyes. I will pray for both of you.

It seems like the ER is not the best place to get treatment. I'm not sure of the backstory, but perhaps trying to handle it through specialists is the key, esp if the GP doesn't know what else to do?


#4

I am very sorry for your situation. I have noticed from my own aging relatives, that they will hide symptoms or not tell you everything. Do you live with your mother? Is it possible to record everything she eats and all the medication she takes for a few days? It may be time to change doctors. You can find a new one, have a chat with them and then make an appointment for your mom to see him. I would leave her attitude toward God in his hands.


#5

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