This is making my Lent hard


#1

I need to vent. I don't really gossip but I am guilty of sitting quietly and listening, anyhow I am trying to avoid that for Lent. Then yesterday first day of Lent I find out a friend of mine may or may not be pregnant. I have not agreed with her life choices for a while (she is the reason for the increase in gossip in my life lately, it is to talk about her than to her because you can't talk to her, she doesn't want to listen to anyone). She is 27 and unmarried and the potential baby father is 17, he only graduated last year he is still a child as far as the rest of us are concerned but she doesn't really care what anyone else has to say. If she is pregnant, she' s pregnant I would never suggest an abortion or anything like that but I am at my whit's end what else to do. When my sister told me the news yesterday I just walked away cause I did not want to say anything. I suspect that she became pregnant on purpose so that she would have somebody to take care of her, she has never had a job, she did not do well in school yet she is unwilling to take sales clerk or fast food jobs. I haven't been close to her for a while, my sister has been pulling away from her because of the situation with the 17 year old and I think this pregnancy has really pushed my sister over the edge. Abandoning her may not be the right thing to do but what else is there. I am afraid to even discuss it with my sister because I do not want to get back into the cycle that I was trying to avoid in the first place.


#2

If this were the other way around where the guy was 27 and the woman 17, EVERYONE would cry fowl.

If this woman that you know had any encounter with this boy when he was 16 I would immediatly call the authorities and report her for statuitory rape.

Other than that, I would suggest staying FAR away from the situation.


#3

After a quick search, I see that the age of consent is 16 in T&T, so however disgraceful the friend’s conduct is, apparently it’s not illegal.

You do make a great point about the double-standard though. People seem to turn a blind eye to young men being taken sexually advantage of by older women.


#4

thats exactly what i was thinking as i was reading it:(


#5

I’m not sure what you advice you are seeking. Are you asking how to avoid gossiping about the woman and her life, or are you asking for advice on how to let her know you disapprove of her choices?
If it is the former, then simply tell your sister and anyone else who may want to gossip that you are not interested. It is none of your business and you are trying to grow spiritually. That growth entails giving up gossip and you would appreciate their help in strengthening your resolve to overcome the urge to gossip.
If it is the latter for which you are asking advice, that’s easier. You don’t. You’ve already said that you’ve told her how you disapprove of her choices and she does not want to hear it, so telling her again will do no good unless she comes to you. If the woman asks for your advice or help in her life, then you are free to speak. You don’t know if she is pregnant, and she hasn’t shared the info with you (you said you heard it from your sister), so you are not free to offer your opinion to her. If she shares it with you and asks your opinion or for advice, then you find a tactful way to talk to her.


#6

How is this “making your Lent hard”? It’s Day 2 of Lent. Are you saying its hard not to gossip about this woman? Or that it’s hard knowing there are people in this world who make bad choices? I’m stumped as to the point of your thread.

Maybe a good Lenten plan with respect to this friend who is pregnant and in a a bad situation is to support her lovingly in any way you can, to make the sacrifice to replace gossip and judgment with care and concern for her well-being and that of the unborn child. Just my 2 cents worth.


#7

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