I was thinking about this other day and for whatever reason, I just don’t get it. For the record, I don’t really value personal relationships and don’t feel like I need them so I’m sure that’s not helping me understand. I was reading some information that said that the cost to raise children and put them through college will cost around $400,000 per child and it’s only going to go up. Do some people have kids because they want to get married and birth control is against church teaching? What advantage do kids bring to the parents’ life that help offset the immense burden (financial/emotional/etc) that raising kids requires?
People want kids because they’re disillusioned and unrealistic!
In all seriousness, there are many reasons why people want children. For me, being a mom to 3 boys, it’s a chance to spread love. It’s the joy of knowing that I’m blessed to be given charge to souls; the chance to nurture, and instill values to. It’s the feeling I get when my little ones runs up to me and says, “Mom, I love you!” and gives me a big hug.
They may not be practical reasons; they may not lessen the financial burden; these little one may break my heart one day, cause emotional distress, and I may drive myself crazy from fear for their safety; but they’re good enough reasons for me.
I have always wanted children. There is nothing in life that compares and there is no amount of money that could measure up to a child. Children are gifts from God. Think of the best material thing you have ever recieved and then know that there isn’t enough of that thing to measure up to one child. Of course I very much value relationships. People are far more important than things. I suggest you read “Theology of the body for beginners” by Christopher West. It would help you understand how relationships especially that between husband and wife are sacramental and how children are brought about by that love. It is amazing once you begin to understand. Each and every life is created for the salvation of the entire world for all of time.
Perhaps you should seek counseling for that.
That is a highly suspect number. And, of course, who says a parent must pay for college, or any number of things this number probably includes?
People have children because they love children. Parents are co-creators with God. Children are the natural expression of love between spouses.
Only secular society views children as “immense financial burdens”.
I really encourage you to get some counseling if you are unable to emotionally engage with others.
I couldn’t imagine life without my daughter and son nor would I want to.
To have a child is so many things. You watch yourself love in ways you never thought possible. The selfless acts that go with caring for a child you never thought you were capable of suddenly become part of your daily routine. To watch a child play or interact with you is to watch the definition of innocence come to life. To watch a child pray and be a witness to those sweet words they speak to God…is beyond description. To receive a hug and kiss from your child is to watch Love in action. To smell a newborn child is to catch a scent of Heaven. Being a parent is the closest I will ever come to understanding my Father’s love for me…and that is just the smallest fraction of unconditional love.
How blessed am I to have four of those “gifts” living and breathing in my house. You cannot put a price tag on it. God always provides…sometimes in ways least expected. There are some things that go beyond money. There are lessons in the sacrifices you make. There is joy in the mundane. And more important than anything there is love without measure.
When you said that you didn’t really need personal relationships…I suppose you could live your life just fine with that. But you are missing out on how enriched your life could be by letting someone in. I don’t know your life’s story or how old you are but some day you may feel different even if you never truly “get” the whole kid thing. Maybe one day you will be up to the challenge of exploring the corners of your heart…you may end up surprised at what you find.
To literally feel your heart “bursting” with love, pride, and joy when you watch your child(ren) do something as simple as say, “I love you, mama,” or treat others as you wish to be treated or just BE!
I have 3 boys and I could never imagine life without them! To teach, to love, to nurture, to open the world up to these young lives is…incredible! There is NOTHING in the world that is so incredibly rewarding as raising kids. NOTHING! There is absolutely NOTHING else I could ever want that would be greater than sharing my life with these 3 young souls! To see them is to see God’s face.
I am unable to have children w/my DH due to serious health reasons but that doesn’t stop me from being an aunt to my 3 nieces and 5 nephews ranging from 2 - 12 yrs. of age.
Whenever I am around them, I try to witness as best I can. I teach them good values, I listen to them if they need someone to talk to, I learn from them and try to see things through their eyes at times b/c they are so open and honest about their feelings. They don’t know anything about hate, racial problems, how society thinks it’s ok to be gay, live together. have kids out of wedlock, have abortions, etc. When the time comes, I am sure their parents will teach them why we as Catholics value life and respect others.
I pray that they will one day be the kind of adults their parents brought them up to be but as they get older, they will face peer pressure, tough personal choices, and see how society really is and it’s sad. I wish they could be protected forever but that is why God gave them parents and aunts/uncles —to nurture them as they start their journey into being what the Lord has planned for them. Yes, it will be hard at times, but by our example of faith, they can get through it.
why would anyone want to get married or date or work with people or give to charity or anything else that requires effort, commitment, sacrifice, and love?
more important… is not wanting it enough reason to not do it?
we are social creatures
**love grows, **evidence of that growth is seen in marriage and children in the normal course of life and love
and yeah, all the gooy mushy reasons too.
as for expense, most of the stats are blarney and presume “needs” that are not actually needs.
**as being repaid in some way, ideally those children grow to be productive half way or more common sense adults who will care for their parents and siblings and continue to pass on Godly values and Church traditions to another generation. **
**and for the adults that try their parents nerves into an early grey haired old age - well at least the parents received a chance at sacntifing suffering? **
frankly, I see people do much more expensive things for less reward and more damage to their lives all the time. :shrug:
While children can be the source of our greatest heartaches and headaches because we love them so much but all of that pales in comparison to the love that you feel for your child the moment you lay eyes on them.
It’s all so exciting. The first step, the first word, the first smile, those little arms around your neck when they hug you and kiss your cheek, the love you feel for them in totally undescribable and I have never loved another living soul the way I love my son. My son also looked just like me so that was so cool too.
I gave birth to him on a Friday night and only got to see him for a minute. I’d been in labor for two days, had a c-section and pretty much crashed afterward.
The next morning my mother-in-law was the first one to the hospital. She was in my room holding my son who wasn’t even 24 hours old and the minute I spoke, he jerked his head around and looked at me as if to say, “Hey, I know that voice!” She said, “Wow Mommy, he knows you!”
It was the most amazing moment of my life. I can never describe the connection between us but children are truly the greatest joy anyone can have in my opinion. That has been 20 years ago and I will never forget that moment. It’s as if it were yesterday. And we are still amazingly close today.
Most parents I know would die for their child, kill for that child’s safety or anything else they have to do to ensure their safety and happiness. I know it would be an extreme occasion for those things to happen but trust me, we would! It really defies explanation until you experience it.
Why do I get the feeling your parents are asking themsleves the same question…
I don’t know why I feel the way I do, Lord knows it’s not my intent, but I can’t help the way my mind works. I’m the kind of person that, for whatever reason, puts very little value in emotion and emotional connections and put a great value on logic, reason and analysis. I over analyze everything. I know I do. So when I consider the idea of having kids from that perspective, to me, it just doesn’t make sense.
you would be amazed at how much value and emotion you would put into your child…
I like this article as well, it might give you food for thought
And of course the quote I have on my fridge “the decison to have a child is to accept that your heart will forever walk about outside of your body”
If I could have a dozen more I would.
That’s not very nice. He’s not being rude, merely honest.
Bataar, if you don’t wish to marry and have children, that’s fine. Not everyone is called to marriage and parenthood. But if you truly do not understand human relationships, do not get married and have children. It will not be fair to them.
The passion one feels for their own child may possibly be equivalent to being able to fly at will. I am trying to make an analogy for the love you feel for your child…you feel empowered, you feel overwhelming delight and instant recognition of “where have YOU been all my life?”…
One thing is sure: you never regret having a bunch of kids, but you sure as heck regret not having more.
Pray for a supernatural spirit so you can see things as Christ might.
Just wondering, Bataar, with the way you describe yourself, have you been diagnosed with an autistic spectrum disorder such as Asperger’s syndrome?
Do you not have ANY relationships that you value, such as parents, grandparents, siblings, friends?
If you can think of anyone that you love, imagine that multiplied many many times, and that is what most parents feel for their children.
For me, the moments of joy I receive through my children far outweigh the times of frustration and exhaustion.
Praying for you.
I used to ask the same question. I honestly just couldn’t see the point, or where the desire came from. I actually used to think it was a selfish thing to do. Then it hit me one day, and I’ve been baby crazy ever since. I think I started to view children as something really miraculous. I was in Mass today looking at all the young families and the pregnant women, and I couldn’t believe how amazing it was. It’s inexplicable, really.
And I was teaching VBS last week, and had a group of fifth grade girls under my wing all day. Children really are awesome to be around. They are so loving and innocent. I think I understand why Jesus loves them so much.
About the only thing that’s ever been confirmed for me is that I’m definitely an introvert.
About the only relationship I really value is with my mother. She’s done a lot for me and given up a lot for me when I was growing up. Unfortunately, that’s about the only one. I have two siblings that I don’t really have any common interests with so we don’t really have a lot to do with each other. They’re both married so that eats up a lot of their time. If something were to happen to them, I would miss them. My dad is pretty much just my fishing partner. He wasn’t a good father when I was growing up and even “wrote me off” briefly when I wouldn’t take his side in my parents’ divorce, but that’s about it.
I have a couple of friends, but they’re probably going to be “going away” as they’re both getting involved with different girls and don’t really have time to hang out anymore. I try to keep myself occupied with various solo activities.
I’m not complaining about anything or looking for advice, I was merely explaining my situation.
I’m not a very emotional person either. Part of my logic of it is simply that God calls different people to different vocations. Why do people become brothers or priests? Because that’s what God called them to and it’s how they thought they could best serve him. Similarly God calls some people to get married and have children. God sees the creation of and care for new human life as a good thing.