Hello dear friends!
Firstly, let me say thank you to all of those who replied to my previous scrupulous thread. I was already getting the medical help for my OCD (zoloft), but the replies to that topic made me realize that I have a real problem which may destroy me and my faith (scrupulosity). I followed the advice of many of you and asked a priest who I trust to help me. I think this was a game changer. It was the best decision I made in my life. The priest and this forum probably helped to save my faith, because I was giving up all hope.
Eventhough I blindly follow the advice of my spiritual director to not confess any other sins that I commited before my last confession (finnaly some peace), I have a problem with discerning if what I did today and yesterday was mortally sinful.
I knew that I should probably take a shower, but was late for work, so I touched my private parts (nothing sexual) and smelled the hand to see if I could get away with just washing those parts, because I was somewhat late to work. I ended up just washing those parts with the towel and soap. I actually did the same thing yesterday before going to bed - I was hoping to take a shower in the morning, because I thought, ‘yep I better take a shower’ - I ended up with a really bad night, because I was obsessing over what I did, and how I will confess that, and how I will avoid it in the future, because sometimes this is an automatic thing that I do - which resulted in me being almost late for work.
Was this smelling part a sin?
I have a thing about cleaning my hands (I THINK IT’S probably not because of my OCD), but because of the sins that may be commited with dirty hands. For the last few months, I was cleaning my hands very precise after being in the toilet, because I was afraid that I may commit a sin of carelessy make someone sick or get in touch with my … you know… if I am preparing food.
I once confessed a simmilar thing, and a priest told me with a serious voice ‘NO, a sin is when you do something against God or a fellow men’ and when I Was confessing something not all that simillar, but still could be related he said ‘NO, IT’S GROSS, BUT IT’S NOT A SIN’.
Sorry for being so graphic.
I am asking you this, because I have to work now… and I’m so upset… and can’t stop obsessing about it. In a way I feel that if this is a mortal sin, that, then I’m in big trouble, but that it probably is not a mortal sin, but I need some reasoning or something. I will talk to a priest about my obsessive thinking, but if it’s not needed I would not like to bring up this thing in the confessional.
I am so sorry for being a burden again. I wish I could be happy, I went to confession yesterday, I should be happy.