I need some advice. Today, my mom found thongs in my 16-year-old sister’s underwear drawer while she was gone at school. Lately, my sister has been sneaking in padded bras, makeup, and inappropriate clothing into the house and locking herself in her room for long periods of time. She says she’s doing homework and “praying,” but one can only imagine what she’s really doing. My parents have talked to her about the importance of chastity and living a pure life style numerous times. They’ve showed her videos by Jason and Crystalina Evert, who I know are great speakers on teen Catholicism and chastity. Despite their attempts, my sister is being stubbornly resistant because right now, physical appearance and social acceptance are her main priorities. What should we do?

To be fair, wearing thongs, padded bras, and makeup does not automatically imply that you should “only imagine what she’s really doing”…
Most girls who fall into social acceptance fears are struggling with self-worth and other underlying issues. Probing, questioning, and interrogating are only going to push her further away. I would encourage you and your family to be more intimately engaged in her life. Encourage family activities rather than situations that allow her to go lock herself away in her room. Invite her into the kitchen to make brownies, ask her what’s going on in her life, let her share her thoughts and goals and feelings. Embrace her for who she is and allow her own self-worth to grow and flourish.
I see more of the issue here being that she is being “sneaky” and “hiding” these things… not that she’s simply wearing thongs or padded bras.

You don’t do anything except love your sister and be the best role model for her you can be. Let your parents figure everything else out. That’s their job, let them do it.


Since when has wearing make up and thong underwear been immodest? :confused:

Padded bra’s are great. They help hold things in place and give better support. :shrug:

a) While it might be your mom’s business to be in your sister’s underwear drawer, what business is it of yours?

b) Thongs are not inherently immoral. They are a type of underwear. They go under clothing. Many women prefer them. I am not one of them, but I have other friends who wear nothing else, for comfort not exposure. A thong bathing suit-- totally different story.

Duh. She’s 16.

“We” should mind our own business.

Your parents should continue with open lines of communication but should not attempt to smother her. Makeup and “padded” bras are not immoral.

You do nothing; your sister’s undergarments are not your business at all. Nor should you be making any kind of assumptions about what she does in privacy. Let your parents raise your sister.

I agree with all the other posters here. YOU need to stay out of it and let YOUR parents do their job. Your sister’s underwear and make-up drawer are none of your business.

I think that your parents should talk to her. In the meantime you could collect all the immodest material and show it around school making sure that people understand that it is her stuff. Once you are done you put it in a pile and burn it, after that explain to your sister that it is for her own good. Three months later when all of your fractures are healed and you can walk and leave the hospital login into CAF and read again your initial post, wonder about what you were thinking and ask yourself why you did follow my suggestions? :smiley:

I appologize if I appeared to be patronizing, prudent, or invasive. I myself did not go through my sister’s underwear drawer; I rarely if ever go into her room. I am not nosy and do not get myself involved in her private affairs because I agree that it is rude and disrespectful to do so. I agree that it is my parents’ job to raise her, not mine. I also agree that it is not safe to make quick assumptions, and I appologize for doing so. However, my mother came up to me today when I got home from school, told me what happened, and directly asked me to go online and find some resources because she is very upset and not sure how to handle the situation. I’m merely following my mother’s requests and trying to be helpful. Again, I appologize for any disrespect.

Contrary to many of the posts on this thread, I actually think that it’s fine for you to be concerned about your sister’s behaviour. You know your sister better then anybody on this site does, and I don’t think that it is rash judgment for you to necessarly be concerned about your sister’s well-being if you think her new interests might be leading her into bad life-style habits. Personally, if I was doing something that could be sinful I sure hope that somebody would charitably let me know (especially if that somebody was a sibling!)

Of course, being charitable is the key here. I really think that in your case you’re best bet is to simply lead by example (especially your family has already had the “modesty” talk). If you are a brother, then I would recommend talking to your sister about how you find the most attractive women to be ones who dress with dignity and respect their bodies as being temples of the Holy Spirit. If you are a sister, I recommend dressing in a way that would be a good example to your sister and bringing home friends who have these same values. I think, in this case, nothing can beat the power of a good example! :smiley:

I think you are being a great sister (brother?). And i applaud you for giving insight to your mother. She might not be aware of all that goes on in today’s society.

I don’t know how old you are - i don’t know how close you are to your sister. I don’t even know if you are male or female (and that may affect my answer)

What you sister is going through is likely a normal part of growing up (even if you weren’t affected in the same way)

But if i had a close relationship to my sister, i might have a little talk with her. I might tell her how much i loved her. I might tell her that i know how difficult it is to grow up in today’s society. And I might tell her that I trusted her. But, i might want to warn her that sometimes - we might give off an impression that we aren’t aware of. Sometimes, things seem very glamorous in the short term - and might be a point of embarassment later on.

And then i might tell her again that i love her and that i am available if she ever does want to talk.

And then i might tell my mom that i think sis is going to be okay.

Now, if i truly believed that my sister was headed for trouble, then i would probably tell my mom that.

It’s hard. Growing up is hard for all of us. Seeing our kids (and siblings) grow up is also very hard. Sometimes all we can do is watch and pray. Sometimes we can have a positive impact.

Unfortunately, your mother has asked you to do her parenting for her. It’s her job to get online resources to help her guide her child, not yours. That she doesn’t know how to handle a parenting situation is something she needs to talk about with your dad, her priest, a counselor, and/or her friends.


Do not apologize, you did nothing wrong. People here on CAF were just giving you indications, while using different methods, to be respectful of boundaries. There is nothing wrong in being protective of our siblings, on the contrary it is something that should be done. I was teasing you because despite the fact that I am an older man I have a sister that is almost my age and we used to really embarrass each other during when we were in high school. However, we were and we still are very protective of each other. Talking to your sibling is the best course of action, do not nag but show that you are serious because you love her.

Just about to post the same thing. Its very inappropriate for a parent to ask any child, regardless of age, to parent a sibling.

And again, the clothing your sister has picked and the makeup and spending time in her room, may not be cause for concern. Maybe she just needs some time to herself and a little freedom, which I can understand if your mom has you looking on the internet for advice.

I would simply try and be the best sister I could be- invite her to do things with you, talk, etc. Spend time with her.

Personally, I love padded bras. Then it doesn’t matter if you are cold.

The worst thing that can happen to a sibling relationship is for the older one to try to parent the other. My advice, mind your own business and stay out of it. If your mother asks for anymore advice tell her that you do not feel comfortable getting involved in her parenting of your sister.

A friend’s son calls them “butt floss” :eek:

Sorry, just don’t get it. Makeup, thongs, padded bra’s… so what?

Also what kind of crazy boundaries does your mom have to be telling you all about your sister’s underwear? Seriously.

Just to reiterate - I don’t see anything wrong with what was mentioned.

I’m with you.

When I read the OP, I got the heebee jeebees. I would be more concerned with the mom’s actions than a 16 year old girl wearing make up and padded bras. :shrug:

Well, I grew up in a house where my mother was violently opposed to any underwear other than white granny panties and granny bras. I can remember being a teenage girl and just wanting so badly to wear something pretty underneath my clothes. Just for me; just to make me feel pretty.

Just from your post, it doesn’t sound like your sister is doing anything wrong, and I’m sorry you are caught in the middle of this.

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