... those who do not work should not eat


#1

Hello.

I’m a stay-at-home wife and I really don’t get much done at home. Doing the basic housework like laundry, dishes, vacuuming is about all I ever get done, and it takes me several days to get motivated.

I’m very slow-moving and I get so sleepy. That’s when I try to go outside and get some exercise, but then I’m scared of people, and crowds, so it scares me to go outside much during the day, though I do go out to walk my doggie. But other days I give up and go back to bed.

I want to spend my time sewing and writing, but whenever I try it all seems to be too much.

Started therapy (mental health) a couple of months ago since I have a history of depression.

I wish I were energetic and accomplished things. I worry because I do so little compared to others that I’m one of those who “shouldn’t eat because they don’t work.”

I mean, getting the dishes done and fixing supper feels like an accomplishment to me, but I think I should be getting more done.

Also, I’ve given up on a job in the “real” world because I was so stressed when I was working some years ago.

Any charitable thoughts? Support?

Thanks for listening.


#2

You are doing some things. Maybe you can focus on the contributions you are making? OK maybe they are not as quick as you'd like, but you're getting them done. It sounds like you may be having trouble with depression and anxiety and treating those might help. This is a time of year when some people have trouble with early-onset seasonal affective disorder, or if they don't have that, they get affected by it getting dark earlier. I don't know if that's an issue for you.

I think the 'those who do not work should not eat' refers to people who were deliberately not working b/c of the Second Coming and then expecting to be supported anyway. They expected Jesus to come back any minute and so they quit working and Paul said a Christian community could not be sustained that way. That's what I remember. But I don't think people who are legitimately ill or having trouble should be put in the same category. If it's true illness, that sounds a little too close to eugenics for my comfort level. And I do think you are accomplishing some things, but not as fast as you want to.

take care.


#3

Prayer is one of if not the most productive things you can do with your time. Prayer for yourself but most of all prayer for others.

Continue to seek medical help that is good.


#4

You and I are so much alike! I have the same problem with it taking days to get motivated. Our house is messy most of the time. I hate the mess but I just have such a hard time keeping it up. When it's clean (the motivation to do that takes months!) it's actually kinda fun to keep up but then I don't get any help from the dh and it slowly starts to go downhill. Maybe you and I both just need a little help from our husbands. Do you think it would be easier if he would chip in when he noticed things starting to get bad again? I hate to ask him to work and help around the house but I don't know what else to do. Maybe some women just can't handle all of the chores all of the time.
I know what you mean about being nervous to go out. I get like that too. I think I watched too many scary movies I'm afraid I'll get attacked. Obviously hiding out in our homes is not what God wants us to do because he wants us to love all of his children and to lead by example. Both of those things are hard to do when you don't see anyone.
I wonder if small accomplishments would help both of us. I heard about this woman who calls herself the flylady. She suggests cleaning your kitchen sink everyday and just do that for a while. I'm assuming because she knows that little accomplishment will help us feel better about ourselves. I'll try to find her website and then I'll post again. Maybe the same idea can go for getting outside. You seem to be doing well with walking your dog everyday. I will go in the backyard for the kids but I know I should be going to the park. Could you try taking you dog to a doggy park? I don't know if you have one, but it might be a good way for you to get out. People at those places seem to be so friendly.
You're timing on this is so good! I've just been thinking how nice it would be to feel like I'm not alone in my struggles. All of my friends/acquaintances seem to have everything in perfect order and are in playgroups. I want to get to that point someday.


#5

crenfro: don't be too hard on yourself. I'm glad that you are in therapy. Surely this will help. But you could also plan what things you need to get done on each day. For example: Monday -- clean bathrooms, Tuesday -- vacuum, Wednesday -- dust the house, Thursday -- laundry, Friday -- mop the kitchen, Saturday -- ? what needs doing?, Sunday -- rest.

Obviously some chores are daily, such as cooking and cleaning up after. Also if you wipe down the bathroom sink daily it makes the bathroom feel cleaner. The main thing is to plan the day and stick to it no matter what. Knowing what you have to do each day might make it easier to get up and get it done. I know that is easier said than done.

For the sewing and writing, pick the day(s) that you get the household chores done quickest and sew or write that day. Or if you have a day free of chores, say the Saturday then do the sewing and writing that day. You know even if all you write is "I feel sad and down and I don't want to do this." At least you will have tried and moved forward and maybe writing that down will be therapeutic, too.

Also start your day with prayer. Ask God to give you the strength and desire to push through the lack of motivation and sleepy-headedness. Ask Him to take away the fear of crowds and give it all to Him. Then wrap yourself up in Him throughout your day. When you are feeling low or sleepy or afraid, call on Him to get you through it and keep on moving.

You are in my prayers.
Melissa


#6

Here you go!
flylady.net/
The FlyLady is fabulous. You can also join her on Facebook, and get daily encouragements delivered straight to your FB wall. Babysteps, babysteps!!!:thumbsup:

You’re timing on this is so good! I’ve just been thinking how nice it would be to feel like I’m not alone in my struggles. All of my friends/acquaintances seem to have everything in perfect order and are in playgroups. I want to get to that point someday.

You are not alone. There are many of us who struggle with depression and SAD (seasonal affective disorder) or even CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome) or fibromyalgia. My main struggle is mild intermittent depression, but my mother struggles with all four maladies. My melancholy might send me into a spiral of despair if I get too hard on myself about the state of my home or how much sleep I need or how little I feel that I accomplish. It helps to have a deep heart-to-heart with my husband when I start feeling down, and then we shift into survival mode. Everything nonessential gets put on the back burner, and I focus upon the main essentials of homemaking (cooking, tidying the kitchen, and keeping a load or two of laundry going each day). The rest of the house and the rest of the world can wait. Soon enough, the reduced demands and the extra rest help me to pull out of the depressive cycle and I can take on more again. Turning to friends and female family members who know me well and can empathize a bit also helps a great deal. So does getting out of the house for a brief errand every day or every other day.

To the OP and MommyJessica: Do not put yourself down and do not assume that you are slothful. There is a difference between sloth and melancholy. Emotionally abusing yourself would be the absolute worst thing you could do right now; it increases depression. Do one thing today that makes you feel accomplished. Just one thing. Tomorrow, do two things. Find a point at which you can balance your sense of accomplishment with the energy level you currently have. You will figure it out over time. And if you need a doctor’s supervision or medicine, do not be ashamed. I have not had to use medication, mainly due to a strong support system and because I am a SAHM, but most of my friends and female relatives (and some males) have had to use medication, and many of them are currently using it. It provides some balance for their lives and helps them to feel healthy and normal again.


#7

[quote="crenfro, post:1, topic:216510"]
Hello.

I'm a stay-at-home wife and I really don't get much done at home. Doing the basic housework like laundry, dishes, vacuuming is about all I ever get done, and it takes me several days to get motivated.

I'm very slow-moving and I get so sleepy. That's when I try to go outside and get some exercise, but then I'm scared of people, and crowds, so it scares me to go outside much during the day, though I do go out to walk my doggie. But other days I give up and go back to bed.

I want to spend my time sewing and writing, but whenever I try it all seems to be too much.

Started therapy (mental health) a couple of months ago since I have a history of depression.

I wish I were energetic and accomplished things. I worry because I do so little compared to others that I'm one of those who "shouldn't eat because they don't work."

I mean, getting the dishes done and fixing supper feels like an accomplishment to me, but I think I should be getting more done.

Also, I've given up on a job in the "real" world because I was so stressed when I was working some years ago.

Any charitable thoughts? Support?

Thanks for listening.

[/quote]

You sound like me.

Don't give up (and I KNOW how hard it is!). God does love you. Pity your afflicted ones, Lord!

If you could, you would. Doesn't a loving God understand that?

(And I was brought up entirely with a vengeful and punitive God, when He was mentioned at all).

I'm glad you has a doggie. I used to has a kittehs but dey all gone nao. Boy, did they help to have around.


#8

Such great advice! Thank you so much! You have no idea how much you’ve helped me already! I hope you’ve helped the op as well :slight_smile: God bless!!!


#9

For those with fears and nerves, I used to be like that, but found that "giving in to it" would make it worse; somehow it seemed like if I consciously agreed that something was too scarey to do that I subconsciously got worse and more scared or nervous of more things. I found that if I did more of the scarey things, they would then become less scarey, because my conscious mind was saying that it was not really that scarey. Does this all make sense?

And reading about things like crime, or watching crime shows on tv has actually been scientifically shown to increase people's perception of the dangerousness of the world. It certainly can in my case!


#10

Look, doing housework sucks, especially if that's all you do all day long. I'd be suicidal if i were stuck in the house all day long. Maybe that's your problem-you are alone in the house too much.

Give yourself PERMISSION to dislike housework. No one will strike you down with lightening.

Can you afford to have a cleaning service come in once a week? Look into it. If you do that would give your more time to sew and write.


#11

[quote="IllinoisAtty, post:10, topic:216510"]
Look, doing housework sucks, especially if that's all you do all day long. I'd be suicidal if i were stuck in the house all day long. Maybe that's your problem-you are alone in the house too much.

Give yourself PERMISSION to dislike housework. No one will strike you down with lightening.

Can you afford to have a cleaning service come in once a week? Look into it. If you do that would give your more time to sew and write.

[/quote]

Maybe a good idea, maybe not.

I did that for a while---paid someone to clean my house. At the time I thought, Shiny! Pretty! Because she did a better job than I could do.

I now regret every penny and moment I spent on the service.

Why? Because it's MY house. My responsibility. Given to me by God, not given to some cleaning lady. And that money could have paid bills or gone to buy food and clothing for the poor.

I've since learned to offer up housework to God. I have tasks I kind of like (cooking), ones I don't mind (dishes, laundry), and those I hate (toilets, floors).

But like or dislike really doesn't enter into it. I'm trying to remember exactly what Mother Theresa said about holystoning for the Lord. It helps me to do it, even if, due to my exhaustion, etc. it will be a great triumph simply to clean toilets on any given day.

Your mileage may vary.


#12

Don’t discount how much you have done! Not only do you get the basic housework and dog walking accomplished, but you sew and write as well. It’s better than I do some days, planning my wedding on the internet between jaunts into job searching :rolleyes: Actually, I get a lot done too. See how easy it is to pooh-pooh what we accomplish?

I highly recommend Flylady, as some of the other posters have already done. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and feel like hiding away, but she brought her house out of chaos and so can you. When I opened her first e-mail, it told me to get dressed to my shoes and fix my hair and makeup. I cried. Not because I had to be told to get dressed, but because someone took the time to recognize how hard it was some days. And it does wonders for depression! It sounds silly, but it’s a lot easier to get things done when you’re pretty and you feel good about yourself.

I’m glad you’re starting to go to therapy. It sounds like it will be helpful. Perhaps, to tie in with Flylady, a social “mission”? Here it is for today: Pay someone a compliment. Do it in person. If you can’t look a person in the face, compliment her shoes. I’ll bet it will make you feel better.

Blessed Mother, who kept home and hearth for Our Lord and His earthly family, pray for us.

-MM-


#13

[quote="Sailor_Kenshin, post:11, topic:216510"]
Maybe a good idea, maybe not.

I did that for a while---paid someone to clean my house. At the time I thought, Shiny! Pretty! Because she did a better job than I could do.

I now regret every penny and moment I spent on the service.

Why? Because it's MY house. My responsibility. Given to me by God, not given to some cleaning lady. And that money could have paid bills or gone to buy food and clothing for the poor.

I've since learned to offer up housework to God. I have tasks I kind of like (cooking), ones I don't mind (dishes, laundry), and those I hate (toilets, floors).

But like or dislike really doesn't enter into it. I'm trying to remember exactly what Mother Theresa said about holystoning for the Lord. It helps me to do it, even if, due to my exhaustion, etc. it will be a great triumph simply to clean toilets on any given day.

Your mileage may vary.

[/quote]

Isn't hiring a "poor" person to clean your house so they can buy food and clothing the same thing?


#14

Y’know, I found that once I started doing it, I didn’t hate it quite as much as I thought I did. It’s just another thing I do, like combing my hair. Like my hair, my apartment looks better some days than others :rolleyes:


#15

I’m sure that you have already looked at medical reasons why you may not have energy/want to get things done… One of my friends found out she had a low testosterone level and was able to get a injection to get her levels back on track. She had low energy and wasn’t able to get things done before, but now has no problems. Good luck. Will pray for ya!


#16

Hey does anyone want to start a group for moms who struggle with these issues? I call myself lazy at times, have spent too much time on-line, get frustrated because I didn’t train my sons to help with chores, let dh get off scot-free, have too much to do most of the time, and struggle with depression. I’m at a different stage in life than moms of little kids - mine are 19 and 17 so I’m on the verge of being an empty-nester.

Instead of retirement, I’m looking at having to be employed again and believe me, the thought makes me extremely tired just thinking about it. I’m not a young woman any more with unlimited founts of energy.

Well, maybe there already is a group about this - Struggling to be a Proverbs 31 Woman? I don’t know but I’d love to hear from other women about how they deal wth this, other than FlyLady. BTDT and probably should do it…but I don’t.

:shrug::blush:


#17

I would be up for being in the group! Let me know if you find one or start one!


#18

Why on EARTH do you make the unwarranted assumption that the girl I hired was POOR?

She had her own business, which is more than I have.


#19

boy do I sympathize!

A lot of times, getting anything done at all is a real battle. I’ve often wondered if I suffer from laziness or a very mild depression.

I find the best thing to do is make a list-- on paper. Keep a big red or black marker nearby for crossing things off. Make sure you add a few simple things too, like “take a shower”. That first thing you cross off (even if it’s just “drink coffee”) is a HUGE feeling of accomplishment! It helps you WANT to cross off the next thing.

Sometimes it takes me days and days to finish a whole list. Honestly, having my daughter helps so much because she is DELIGHTED on floor mopping day to follow me around with a second mop and “do work too”.

My husband knows, and accepted long ago, that some days hes just going to walk in the door and theres going to be a biohazard in here. Some days are just like that! And they really are like that for EVERYBODY!!!

Prayers for everyone who struggles with this!


#20

She didn't say the girl you hired was poor she was talking in general. I agree with her, if I had the money to spend on someone to help me out once in a while I would. The cleNing lady has to make a living too. I considered cleaning houses when my husband and I were struggling financially. I do not believe that God would look down on me for paying someone to give me a hand while I took care of my kids and maybe even myself.


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