Thoughts on the Road FROM Rome - Graven Images


#1
        The other day I removed my statues of Mary and St. Francis from out in the yard.

        It bothered me to do that a little, but my Fundamentalist friend across the street explained to me very plainly that we aren’t supposed to make graven images.

        “It’s right there in The Bible,” he said.

        “Really?”

        “Yeah.  Statues of Mary, the saints.  That’s all idolatry.”

        “Oh gosh, well I sure don’t want to be an idolater.”  As I turned to leave, though, I noticed the statues of Mickey and Minnie Mouse in his wife’s flower garden.  “Joe,” I said, pointing at the two mice.  “I don’t mean to be critical, but aren’t you afraid God will strike you down for idolatry?”

        “Oh gosh, no,” he said with a smile.  “God’s okay with those fellas.”

        “God’s okay with cartoon rodents, but not the Virgin Mother or saints?”

        “Oh, you poor Catholics.  You just don’t know The Bible that well, do you?”

        “No, Joe, we sure don’t.”  I remembered what he had explained to me last week about how, after the King James Bible dropped out of Heaven into Jesus’s hands, the Catholic Church did everything it could to hide it, from locking it up to burning people at the stake for reading it.

        “You see,” he explained, taking a seat on his porch swing, “in 1 Samuel, chapter 6, when the Philistines stole the Ark of the Lord, God gave them a plague of mice and a bad case of the hemorrhoids.”

        “Ouch.”

        “You’re not kidding, ‘ouch’.  Anyway, long story short, those Philistines had to give the Ark back, but they also had to make little golden mice and hemorrhoids so all their problems would go away.”

        “Oh,” I said as everything clicked into place.  “So we can have statues of mice and hemorrhoids –”
        “And snakes,” he cut in.

        “Of course, snakes,” I said.  “Just not the men and women who selflessly gave their lives to Christ?”

        “And definitely not Mary.”

        I left with a good feeling in my heart now that Joe had set everything straight.  So, I’ll let St. Francis and the immaculately conceived, ever-virgin Mother of God collect dust in my garage.  After all, I found two strange shaped rocks in the woods behind my house.  Spray-painted gold, they’ll make for a couple of well-formed hemorrhoids.

        And they’ll look just perfect by the rose bushes out front.

#2

ROFLOL !!!
Love, Jaypeeto3


#3

Fascinating.

Adam


#4

I just don’t know what bothers me more sometimes, when people think that we are wrong to the point of being evil, or when people think we are just poor, misinformed Catholics with good intentions that need to be saved.

Tamara


#5

funny…

only problem is… it’s probably been said… by members
of my own family… lol

:slight_smile:


#6

[quote=awfulthings9]I left with a good feeling in my heart now that Joe had set everything straight. So, I’ll let St. Francis and the immaculately conceived, ever-virgin Mother of God collect dust in my garage. After all, I found two strange shaped rocks in the woods behind my house. Spray-painted gold, they’ll make for a couple of well-formed hemorrhoids.
[/quote]

I shouldn’t have been drinking a soda when I read this, now I have a monitor to clean. :smiley:

Thanks for the laugh, but unfortunately this line of reasoning isn’t uncommon with anti-Catholics.


#7

[quote=awfulthings9] The other day I removed my statues of Mary and St. Francis from out in the yard.

        It bothered me to do that a little, but my Fundamentalist friend across the street explained to me very plainly that we aren’t supposed to make graven images.

        “It’s right there in The Bible,” he said.

        “Really?”

        “Yeah.  Statues of Mary, the saints.  That’s all idolatry.”

        “Oh gosh, well I sure don’t want to be an idolater.”  As I turned to leave, though, I noticed the statues of Mickey and Minnie Mouse in his wife’s flower garden.  “Joe,” I said, pointing at the two mice.  “I don’t mean to be critical, but aren’t you afraid God will strike you down for idolatry?”

        “Oh gosh, no,” he said with a smile.  “God’s okay with those fellas.”

        “God’s okay with cartoon rodents, but not the Virgin Mother or saints?”

        “Oh, you poor Catholics.  You just don’t know The Bible that well, do you?”

        “No, Joe, we sure don’t.”  I remembered what he had explained to me last week about how, after the King James Bible dropped out of Heaven into Jesus’s hands, the Catholic Church did everything it could to hide it, from locking it up to burning people at the stake for reading it.

        “You see,” he explained, taking a seat on his porch swing, “in 1 Samuel, chapter 6, when the Philistines stole the Ark of the Lord, God gave them a plague of mice and a bad case of the hemorrhoids.”

        “Ouch.”

        “You’re not kidding, ‘ouch’.  Anyway, long story short, those Philistines had to give the Ark back, but they also had to make little golden mice and hemorrhoids so all their problems would go away.”

        “Oh,” I said as everything clicked into place.  “So we can have statues of mice and hemorrhoids –”
        “And snakes,” he cut in.

        “Of course, snakes,” I said.  “Just not the men and women who selflessly gave their lives to Christ?”

        “And definitely not Mary.”

        I left with a good feeling in my heart now that Joe had set everything straight.  So, I’ll let St. Francis and the immaculately conceived, ever-virgin Mother of God collect dust in my garage.  After all, I found two strange shaped rocks in the woods behind my house.  Spray-painted gold, they’ll make for a couple of well-formed hemorrhoids.

        And they’ll look just perfect by the rose bushes out front.

[/quote]

And you will probably develope hemerriods if you sit waiting for him to say something about them. :smiley: God Bless


#8

LOL :rotfl:


#9

These iconclasts gimme a pain in…

I suggest that you put them back out front and let him suffer if he doesn’t like it, unless he wants to be a fundamentalist Moslem. They really do forbid images for that reason, but This Thread should give you the answers that you need as well as preparing you for the kind of arguments that you’ll get.

Pax tecum,


#10

[quote=Church Militant]These iconclasts gimme a pain in…

I suggest that you put them back out front and let him suffer if he doesn’t like it, unless he wants to be a fundamentalist Moslem. They really do forbid images for that reason, but This Thread should give you the answers that you need as well as preparing you for the kind of arguments that you’ll get.

Pax tecum,
[/quote]

Thanks CM,
Just for the record, though, my statues are still in tact and out on display. The piece was something of a facetious jab at the anti-statue mentality, but I’ve gotten pretty good at defending it. Believe it or not, though, while I added a little humor, this conversation actually has some basis in reality. I actually did have a discussion with a Fundamentalist about statues and, using the absurd argument above, get her to admit that, yes, it is okay to have statues of fictional rodents, but not saints. Go figure.


#11

You get that feeling too. When I put my giant snake out for chrismas, I have found the nicest people. Why just the other day this lady gave me a short handsake on the face as she walked her child away who had tears of joy. :rotfl:
Sad thing is there really are people out there like that.


#12

[quote=awfulthings9] “Oh,” I said as everything clicked into place. “So we can have statues of mice and hemorrhoids –” “And snakes,” he cut in.[/font]
[/quote]

I can picture a golden mouse or a golden snake, but I have difficulty picturing a golden hemorrhoid. They are mentioned in 1Samuel, but did the word mean then what it means today? There were no footnotes explaining things.


#13

What a hoot!


#14

[quote=rwoehmke]I can picture a golden mouse or a golden snake, but I have difficulty picturing a golden hemorrhoid. They are mentioned in 1Samuel, but did the word mean then what it means today? There were no footnotes explaining things.
[/quote]

From the 'Bible Encyclopedia (protestant website):

Hemorrhoids; tumors; raised up; swellings, protuberances / Hebrew: ‘ophel and techor’

This word (disease) is mentioned eight times in the King James Bible. God sometimes smote people with this disease. The Hebrew words can apparently include “a boil” or “ulcer (from the inflammation),” “especially a tumor in the anus or pudenda (the piles)” or fistul.


#15

I looked it up, too, but tumors just aren’t as funny.


#16

How about this one:

One day, Jesus and his disciples were walking along the seashore when they asked Him: Lord, what do we do if you are taken up? Jesus replied: Behold. then He raised his arms up to heaven and said: Father, help these poor followers of mine. Then suddenly a book with a gilded cover appeared on His hands. the book has the words: THE HOLY BIBLE, KING JAMES VERSION. inside it the letters are illuminated and gilded. He gave it to them and said: This book has all you need to know so this is the only one you should follow. Beware of the people who add seven books in it.

The Apostles then followed his command and made the church from the bible. :smiley:


#17

Maybe we can have a “Golden Hemorrhoid” award for the best story like this.


#18

(continued from the above post)
The apostles then encountered the catholics-the vile cult that worships images and follows tradition! the apostles then said, “You are going to burn in hell for that!” the members asked, “what must we do?” “Believe in the Lord Jesus, be baptized, go to a bible-believing church, follow sola scriptura, reject catholicism, and you shall be saved.” the apostles then published little tracts. then after that, they gave the ownership of the tracts to a man named Jack T. Chick.

(NO offense for the others in this-it’s just for humoristic purposes. :o )


#19

graven images, truly a scandal to all true believers.

just came back from my morning rosary walk through the trailer park and I cannot believe the idol worshippers among these so-called Christians from Minnesota and Iowa - frogs, burros, ladies in polka-dot dresses bending over (how rude), rabbits, turtles, gnomes, cacti, deer, butterflies, fairies, dwarves, elves, birds, pelicans, flamingos–must be some animal/nature worshippers erecting these idols.

however, let he who is without sin cast the first stone, I actually have a snake-looking thing blocking the cold air under my patio door, hope the idol police don’t look my way.


#20

[quote=Brian_C]Maybe we can have a “Golden Hemorrhoid” award for the best story like this.
[/quote]

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
Classic thread.


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