Is there anyone out there, anyone at all, who can say they never fell into any kind of sexual sin (sex itself, masturbation, lusting after women/men) before they were married.
I am engaged and am finding that there are several issues that still weigh on my conscience. Though I didn’t think it was significant at the time, because I seemed to observers on the outside to be keeping myself pure and chaste, I am in fact concerned that I have really messed up my sexuality and that this will have a bad effect on my marriage.
What should I do to work through these issues? Is it something I should postpone the wedding until I’ve been completely restored for? Is it something to work through together with my fiancee or something I need to work through on my own? Should I find a counsellor/therapist, or just go the route of frequent confession, prayer and penance?
What also concerns me is that my fiancee doesn’t see these flaws in me. I have been honest with her about my past, that I have masturbated and looked at pornography and lusted after women, and she is able to forgive it all so easily. I know I’d forgive her too, but I also feel like we ought to be able to weep over these sins which have scarred my purity and therefore the purity of our wedding union. Am I being too scrupulous about this?
I know that God is able to give us grace through the sacrament of Marriage to love one another for the rest of our lives, but I want to do everything possible to be open to that grace together.