Hello all you kind and patient folks!
I have posted about this before (and may well do again) but really want to share in case anybody can give me some good advice.
If you've not read about my situation before, basically, I have two problems: my husband's sex drive and my husband's female friend.
He is the quintessential 'Mr Nice Guy'. A great dad, great bloke to everybody, wants to please everybody (perhaps neglecting his wife on the way, though). We had sex before we were married, so I knew he wasn't as bothered about sex as I was. But, it was just enough interest for me to be okay with it. After we were married, we had sex more and more infrequently. After our first child was born we didn't have sex for a year. It is still very infrequent, yet I managed to fall pregnant five months ago. I feel very blessed but look at the conception with a certain amazement - I know it only takes the one time but wow!
My husband, every now and again, have a long talk about this. He tells me I should stop asking because he feels under pressure. I do this and it gets even worse. To him, the pressure's off - hurrah! If I start crying because I am so down about the whole situation, he tells me I'm doing it on purpose to make him feel bad. He tells me he does not look at porn and does not masturbate. He has done these things in the past but I believe him if he says he doesn't now. From a day-to-day situation, I will ask for sex and he will say he's up early or too tired, or it's too late.
I want to feel as though I have some kind of control over the situation. I feel completely hopeless. I've prayed about it so often and nothing has happened. I feel like saying to God "Hey, why isn't he normal? He's a bloke! He should be pestering me for sex!" (Incidentally, his hormone levels are normal.)
I am thinking of moving into the spare room. I don't want to be next to him when I feel repelled. I am worried about our future. We've been married three years and I feel despair over this. I know worse things have happened but I think sex - or intimacy of any kind - is important.
Then there's his friend. I think she is really strange and way too involved with my husband. So far she hasn't 'got' my hints (have told her it's not right for married people to be alone with people of the opposite sex and he's not to go to her house without me) and continues to freak me out. She texts him a lot (on his week off she texted him nearly every day to ask if he wanted to meet up or if she could come round for a coffee) and calls herself 'auntie' to my child. This makes me want to scream. My husband does not want me to talk to her about how I feel. I think if she doesn't know how I must feel, then she is really stupid. So I think she's either that or doesn't care or wants my husband. Saying this though, I really don't think he is interested in her relationship-wise and don't think anything is going on. He seems very devoted to our family and often expresses how lucky he is.
Anyway, if you've read this far, I would really appreciate your advice!