[quote=Cupofkindness]I agree with Rob’s Wife completely. The dynamics of this relationship could change over night. As you pray about this matter, ask yourself and the Lord what your daughter finds fulfilling in this relationship. What is she gaining? Attention? Status? Relief from loneliness? Or just plain attraction, that is, they hit it off and really enjoy each other’s company? Regardless, this relationship seems very intense, especially considering that the boy is only ten. What sort of team do they play together on?
If you can figure out what your daughter is gaining, then you can best understand what to do about the direction this relationship is heading in. I’d nix the phone calls right now, and the emails as well. They aren’t appropriate at all between two preteens. Your daughter must be shown, gently, that her social needs are best met with girls her age, not younger boys (although I’m sure that this boy is probably a little more mature than most 10 year olds). Moreover, I can’t imagine that a homeschooling family would want to encourage this relationship either. Perhaps you could call this boy’s mother and get her perspective on the matter.
Do not fall into thinking that this puppy love is cute, for it can undermine the emotional development your daughter requires to be a secure, happy teenage girl. It isn’t cute and might lead to kissing in the next year or two. Your job is to ask yourself if this team is worth your daughter’s getting sucked into a relationship she isn’t emotionally designed to handle, also you must ask yourself if your daughter is watching television shows that encourage this sort of behavior. Your daughter is in sixth or seventh grade in a regular school or homeschool? Well, you need to be more involved in her social life, move it beyond her team, and invite 12 year old girls (one-by-one, small groups, or perhaps even a party) into your home to fill these needs. If you decide to discourage this relationship altogether (and that is what I would do in your position), then don’t call the boy’s mother.
Both you and Rob’s Wife have put this situation into words that I was unable to find. I agree with both of you and I now have the confidence to speak with her about it straight out. No more phone calls, no bf/gf. They can e-mail but no going to other websites (haven’t seen this yet but don’t like it). I can monitor the emails.
I was afraid of making a mountain out of a mole hill but your posts have validated my gut feelings.
My daughter is in the 6th grade in a catholic school. The boy in question is home schooled and his family is baptist - very active in their church.
The team is a swim team. This winter session we’ve only had 18 kids altogether (it’s a reslatively new team) and most of them are home schooled (wha’ts up with that??) Anyway, they are all nice kids and nice parents - we got to know each other pretty well doing all that “pool time” during swim meets - and dinners together during out of town meets.
So, I AM comfortable with the group - just not with this situation that has developed.
Thanks for your input. I’ll keep you posted if you’re interested…