Tired of people's attitudes about homemakers


#1

Just venting here...
I'm so tired of people acting like my job at home is "nothing," and always asking when I'm going to return to a "real" job. I work so hard doing housework and taking care of children that I'm exhausted by the end of every day (even on the weekends)-- it gets really frustrating to have to explain how I have ENOUGH to do already without adding a 40 hour work week to the load! Why don't people get it that being a sahm/homemaker is, in fact, a job. I stay on my feet most of the day (with a few breaks for food/drink and to get on here).

I've decided in the modern world, it's like home has lost its value. It's all about getting away from the home these days. Those of us who put our energies and creativity into our homes and children are considered pathetic. Just makes me sad...


#2

Try reading some of Dr. James Dobson's wonderful books. For decades, he has affirmed the value of the stay-at-home mother and homemaker. It's a joy to read his stuff!


#3

HUGS

:frowning:

How terrible to feel that way. The only person who makes me feel that way (although he hasn’t outright said anything) is my career-focused uncle.


#4

I think I would be mean and ask them why aren’t they telling their daycare providers to get another job. :blush:


#5

[quote="lovemyboys, post:1, topic:209682"]
Just venting here...
I'm so tired of people acting like my job at home is "nothing," and always asking when I'm going to return to a "real" job. I work so hard doing housework and taking care of children that I'm exhausted by the end of every day (even on the weekends)-- it gets really frustrating to have to explain how I have ENOUGH to do already without adding a 40 hour work week to the load! Why don't people get it that being a sahm/homemaker is, in fact, a job. I stay on my feet most of the day (with a few breaks for food/drink and to get on here).

I've decided in the modern world, it's like home has lost its value. It's all about getting away from the home these days. Those of us who put our energies and creativity into our homes and children are considered pathetic. Just makes me sad...

[/quote]

Do people really think that? I am a 26 y/o male, and I KNOW I couldnt do it. My sister is a SAHM, and, despite our shared propensity for laziness ;), she is one of the busiest people I know. She works a heck of a lot harder at her job than I do and I think thats true for just about every SAHM.

I cant tell you how grateful I am when I meet women that are willing to fight the culture and stay home with their children. It shows such love for your family and such devotion that you are willing to devote your life to them.

Just my $.02

FSC


#6

My mom was/is a homemaker. The people who act like it's "nothing" are either ignorant or just terribly misinformed. :hug3:


#7

I'm so sorry others have made you feel that way.

Here... coming from a full-time working mom...

"YOU'RE DOING GOOD WORK!!" :D
:hug3:


#8

Be thankful that you can be a SAHM, and that your husband (I hope!) supports you.

I know it’s hard work, my mom was a SAHM with 4 children, but I’d love to switch places with you, you have no idea.

Hang in there and ignore those meanies. :wink:


#9

Same here… I am a full-time working mom and I can appreciate all that SAHMs do. It’s a job with no vacation, sick time, etc. Heck, you really don’t even ever get to leave the workplace for a lunch break! You work all day and all night. Although the benefits are nice :slight_smile:

I wish I could be a SAHM, but it’s not in my financial cards as a “single” mom. So I make due the best I can.

I think havan1 is on to something with people being misinformed. But OP, I wonder if your critics really aren’t just jealous and are masking it with snippy and condescending comments to make themselves feel superior/better.


#10

I write this from the perspective of having been both a working mom and a stay-at-home mom. Being a mom is hard. Today's society tries to sell the "you-can-do-it-all" message and since no one is superwoman, it it easy to feel inadequate no matter what you do.

If you stay at home, you are likely to be especially sensitive to the messages coming from those who think you should work.

If you work outside the home, you are likely to be especially sensitive to the messages coming from those who think you should be at home with your kids.

You made a choice that was best for you and for your family. It's hard, but treat these attitudes in the same way you might treat medical advice from a carpenter. They aren't living it, they don't know what went into your own decisions and their attitude is irrelevant. :D


#11

[quote="FidesSpesCarita, post:5, topic:209682"]
I cant tell you how grateful I am when I meet women that are willing to fight the culture and stay home with their children. It shows such love for your family and such devotion that you are willing to devote your life to them.

[/quote]

Please always tell them this! It is encouraging when people react positively to a young woman's dream to be a stay-at-home mom. This is my plan (I'm college aged now) but I feel like people think that's being lazy, or think of it as an incomplete life, having not experienced independence, the job world and the single life. Come on now, I've been working all through high school, there is nothing in the job world that will complete my life. It would ruin my life, because I'd be neglecting my very flesh and blood who I would push away into the hands of strangers.


#12

It frustrates me too! I graduated from college last December with a degree in elementary education, but due to months-long backlogs in processing my application for the school system and the fact that teachers are getting laid off now, not hired, I am basically a housewife. I work hard every day cooking, cleaning, and caring for our two dogs and three cats. And I love what I do so much and think it is more valuable than any job outside the home. I feel so happy and fulfilled. I am able to have hot meals ready when my husband comes home for his lunch break and after work. There is no stress in our home like there would be if I came home exhausted from a full day of work and still had to cook and clean the whole house. I would have no energy left to take care or him or myself after all that. Life is so much happier for the both of us. That's worth more than an unecessary second income. I still send out applications to schools and daycares every few days though because I feel so guilty for wanting to stay at home. :( I wish we women who want to take care of home and family didn't have to feel like that.
My family and friends think I am just unemployed. If they knew how much I wanted to be a housewife permanently they would freak out, even though just a couple of generations ago it was the norm. It is just not acceptable today. Luckily, my husband and I are trying for a baby right now so hopefully I can be a stay at home mom soon. Even that is more social acceptable than being a housewife!


#13

Just don’t talk to them, you will be happier, and you will be a better wife and mom for it. I support my wife in staying at home and she does a great job, she is irreplaceable.


#14

I think it has been a disappointment for several members of my extended family that I have chosen to be a SAHM (and be open to lots of little ones). I know many had great expectations of me, and this vocation doesn't really fit the description for them. Nevertheless, I would not trade this vocation for the world. The thought of having to go to work and leave my little ones with someone else to care for them for most of the day breaks my heart. Unless we have no other option, I cannot imagine deciding that my working outside of the home could be what is best for our family. Knowing this helps me deal with the "disappointment" that I might perceive.


#15

Lovemyboys,

I've done both. I stayed at home to raise my children and take care of husband and make a nice home for my family for 10 yrs. Then I was forced to work outside of the home, husband had different ideas about being married than I did. He must have not been listening when the priest said a "monogamous" union. ANYWAY ... I enjoyed and took pride in what I did, as you apparently do also.

Sorry for others ignorance. To this day, when talking w/ someone, if it comes up about whether a Mom has a job ... I always ask if she works OUTSIDE of the home.

It is a huge undertaking, but a labor of love.

Kudos & blessings to you. :thumbsup:


#16

I agree with many here SAHM is a very under apperciated job. I remember feeling guilty when my oldest and only at the time turned three, so I went off and got a job. I only worked for three months when I realized that the stress of it all was just not worth it. My DD would cry and scream when I left her she reverted back to wetting her pants. She was crying when I dropped her off she was crying when I picked her up. I missed her very much when I was working. It made no sense to me to work and have some one else raise my child. I quite and went back home. I always felt like I missed out in so much those three months.

Now I am not only a SAHM but a home school mom. I love my job and would not trade it for the world. Although extended members of my family really do frown on our life style. I am always told I wasted away my college degree. I totally disagree, I will always have that to fall back if I ever need it.


#17

There is a lot of truth here… like I said, I am a working mom and I do feel guilty about working and not staying home. And some people do push that message of "you are letting others raise your kids, etc.). But again, it’s either I work or we don’t eat or have a place to live :frowning:

OP, you are blessed and so is your family to have you. Don’t let opinionated people drag you down with their negativity.


#18

I was able to be at home (and homeschool :) ) then went back to classroom teaching a couple of years ago.

Many people don't have a clue what moms do all day. It is a full time job - the greatest job you'll ever have!


#19

I’m with you there.

Motherhood and homemaking are sacred vocations which feminism has been pleased to destroy.


#20

[quote="Charlotte1776, post:12, topic:209682"]
It frustrates me too! I graduated from college last December with a degree in elementary education, but due to months-long backlogs in processing my application for the school system and the fact that teachers are getting laid off now, not hired, I am basically a housewife. I work hard every day cooking, cleaning, and caring for our two dogs and three cats. And I love what I do so much and think it is more valuable than any job outside the home. I feel so happy and fulfilled. I am able to have hot meals ready when my husband comes home for his lunch break and after work. There is no stress in our home like there would be if I came home exhausted from a full day of work and still had to cook and clean the whole house. I would have no energy left to take care or him or myself after all that. Life is so much happier for the both of us. That's worth more than an unecessary second income. I still send out applications to schools and daycares every few days though because I feel so guilty for wanting to stay at home. :( I wish we women who want to take care of home and family didn't have to feel like that.
My family and friends think I am just unemployed. If they knew how much I wanted to be a housewife permanently they would freak out, even though just a couple of generations ago it was the norm. It is just not acceptable today. Luckily, my husband and I are trying for a baby right now so hopefully I can be a stay at home mom soon. Even that is more social acceptable than being a housewife!

[/quote]

Yeah, with no kids societal opinions must be really harsh. I had my periods of not "working" while I was a young married lady with no kids, and I remember all the housework I did (and how nice our house was!). When I worked, everything became chaotic. Nice houses take a LOT of work. Now that I have 3 boys, I work hard but there's always some mess around...


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