First, please pray for Jade - the friend of my friend Jaden - who is going through a tough time with family.
“Disclamer” [Dis.] = please see “Disclamer” :
I might sound a bit cut and dry in order to get to the dry bones of my point.
I might sound like I am lessing the value of something but that is not the case.
This is only said so that you can get a better sense of my feeling.
It is not my intention to offend or to go against Church teaching - please correct me if I do.
I have no qualms about Church teachings.
I respect all vocations even if it sounds like I do not.
It is not my intention to lessen or belittle someone.
I have become too attached to a girl that i got to know better over the summer - so it seems. I have prayed to God and to the Virgin Mary for her intercession for the grace of being single and a virgin. I wear a consecration ring, (personal one, not vowed,) on my ring finger. I resonate very, very well with St. Anthony of the desert (confirmation saint)
Every time i think about being married i don’t feel at ease because i don’t want to grow old with someone. [Dis.]
I see old couples sitting together and they act like friends. [Dis.] It is a beautiful and deep friendship, no doubt. That deep friendship is love and it is one that is only between the man and the women.
I feel i want to be single as much as a someone with the desire to marry wants to find a significant other - if that helps you understand a bit better. :shrug:
I hear a lot that people are afraid of dying alone. I don’t feel that. I
But this one girl, i became too attached. The thing is, she is very beautiful but i am not attracted to her by her beauty. I can talk to her so easily and get along with her very well. And for some reason i can’t get over her easily. I think that God put this attraction for her in me for a reason. But many people are attracted to her. God gave her a gift of being a comfort for people i think. I want to spend time with her but at the same time, i don’t want to get closer to her because at some point i’ll have to stop getting close to her if i want to be single.
In the end marriage is a worldly thing. [Dis.] and i want to follow God without being divided.
I couldn’t get over the feeling that i would be less holy if i were married [Dis.]
I read the lifes of saints and they were really holy and they were single and virgins.
I want to do God’s will and be humble enough that if God was calling me to marriage then… His will first.
But i don’t want to marry. I felt my most peace being single and being devouted to God.
Two or three years ago, i had the chance to live the live of poverty and in a more ascetic style. So i took it. I had the same schedule everyday, i fasted, i prayed a lot, and I lived without a lot of stuff, i had a religious calling.
I lived like a hermit somewhat.
I grew further from that and i haven’t felt that indiscribable peace since.
I want to let go of this girl. I felt sad because i feel like she is growing further from the Catholic faith. Who am i to assume her faith? Granted, she is very busy and i used to talk to her a lot but not anymore as before. But if she left the Church - not that she is - i have to let go because in the end, she is not my satisfaction and she is only a human as i am [Dis.] But who am i to assume her faith. She has a stronger one than i, i think.
Also, just a bit off topic, a lady who is a campus directer of the Catholic ministries here at my college said that faith comes easier to women becuase she was basing it off JP2’s theology of the body. I feel bad becasue i’m a male. I wrote this for no reason.
A lot could be said, I probably missed a lot. I also probably did not describe well. So if anything else needs to be said then maybe.
Man this is a long post! :sleep: