I dont know where to post this dilemma of mine. I half expect to be shredded on here, from the posts I’ve read on these forums. But I do feel anonymous enough to continue.
I was a lukewarm catholic alot of my life until I seen to the baptism of my husband and children. I made a promise to become a more sincere catholic and this means weekly mass.
I just haven’t clicked with this priest [a former priest baptised my famlily] This current priest is so uncomfortable around me. Occasionally I will attend the saturday mass, and the attendance is small, sunday is more popular.So out in the foyer after mass the social scene is more personal. He will have his back to me the whole time, and its not just this one time but all the time, and then he will go out for a cigarette. He is so friendly towards parishioners. He can talk to anybody, anyone, baptise 5 families at once, sings in musicals and plays, address a church filled to the brim. But he can barely utter a sentence to me.
Its like his every effort is not to engage glances or conversation my way. I dont presume any of this, its too obvious, his body language is a give away. He has not called me by name ever, and I recieve communion from him every week for the last 3 1/2 years. This has become a viscious cycle and I dont want to upset him even more, so am staying away from his space, and I’m scared.
I have waited so long to belong to a church family, but now I’m there I feel like I dont belong at all.
I am ready for the onslaught.