To get involved or not?


I wanted to see what most of you would do if you were in our shoes. Yes, I understand ultimately the decision is ours, but I wanted to see what you would do.

This is the situation. My MIL is the guardian of her granddaughter. The dad, my dh’s brother was in no condition mentally or financially to care for his own daughter about two years ago and the childs mom was not at all competent to be a mother, so the court gave the child to my MIL, or actually the judge wanted my husband and I to take her for we had a daughter, but my husband did not want to deal with his brother. It was a good call for his brother is immature and my MIL and him fight all the time for the last couple of years.

My MIL and her husband, without anyone’s knowledge, went to court and told the judge that they wanted to adopt her grandchild for we could never have her for they told him about my husband’s anger, and the dad was a danger to the child. The judge asked where the dad was and they said they tried to subpoena him, but since he was a truck driver and had no physical address, they could not find him. Mind you they had his cell phone number and work number and knew how to communicate with him to make sure he was there in court. He would have been there. When they told the judge that he was a danger to the child, they told the judge of his past arrest for he was an alcohol and has beat two of his past girlfriends up. He also has a worse temper then my husband, but both learned it from mom and dad, the same mom who now wants to adopt this little girl. I know for a fact that she continues to have an anger problem, even though to me she tells me she doesn’t. When I went to her house recently, there was a hole in their bedroom door. I asked how it happened and his ignored me and tried to change the subject. I wanted to kid around to see if I could find out if what I was thinking was correct and so went to her husband and asked jokingly if he got angry and hit the door. He thought I was serious and said that she did it not him and she turned red and tried to change the subject again. I dropped it.

Here is what we not need to decide. My BIL wants my husband to testify in court, which in on November 7th, and tell the court what kind of a mother their mother was and is. She is very manipulative also. At first dh said yes but now, since his dad called and said don’t get involved, he says he wants to stay neutral. His brother is very upset and said he doesn’t have a chance to win without him. He wanted me to testify also, but my MIL has always been on her best behavior with me, so I would be no help to him.

Would you help your brother or not? When the judge first took the child away from him, he still named him as primary parent and his mother and us as guardians. Now the new judge took away his visitation rights all together from what my MIL told him and her husband.

What I do not like is the way they manipulated the system to get the judgment they were looking for. All they had to do, for they are both cops and know better, is call the son and let him know of the court date. They knew he was a truck driver and that is why they decided to have him served with a subpoena to inform him of the court date that way. They knew the server would never get to him in time. In fact the court date is now two weeks past and the server has yet to serve him, even though my MIL told me he was served. He says he was not.

Let me tell you a little on my BIL. He is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for 3 years now. He is not legally divorce, but is seeing a married woman as well. Morally he has always been this way. When his little girl was born, he was the one who took care of the baby. His girlfriend did nothing. She did not know how to keep house, she was a pig, and did not feed the child. That is how she lost the kid and she was an active drug user even when she was pregnant. My niece has many medical problems due to the drug use from the mom when pregnant. My BIL is still a truck driver and knows that he needs a job that will keep him at home at night if he wants to get his daughter. His mother has always discourage it and now we know why. He is still very immature and may never, “grow up” as the first judge told him to do. He owes $65,000.00 of child support to his wife for his first daughter. He is paying for that now for the court was going to imprison him, but wanted him to pay rather than not. His older daughter is 16 and mentally ill and hates his guts. She recents him for running out. He is paying child support on this little girl, his second daughter and has since my MIL took over.


I see no problem with your husband testifying to the truth of the situation without embellishment or exaggeration about his parents, as well as to the truth about his brother.

Is your BIL trying to get custody or just keep his parents from adopting the child?


Both. He was to get sole custody and he want to keep his mother and her husband from adopting his child. He doesn’t’ them to change her last name for they said they wanted to do that. My BIL seems to think that his mother, who is to old to bear children, wants to give her present husband a child. There is a huge age difference. My MIL is 60 years old and her husband is 40. The husband has never had any children for he was married also before marrying my MIL.


Wow, what an incredibly messy situation. I think you should consult a priest for this one. My sibs have messy lives, but not this bad. :frowning:

I think you might have a duty to let the judge know that they lied about not knowing his whereabouts–maybe that is one for a lawyer.

I’ll say a prayer for you guys and your poor little niece


Is there a lawyer representing the child in this situation?

I think you need to be completely upfront and honest. That’s the only way the courts can make good decisions for kids is if everybody tells the truth, which unfortunately doesn’t happen enough.

I hope your BIL can get his act together and get his daughter back and raise her in a stable home. That would be the best outcome. It doesn’t sound like a good environment for this girl at your MIL’s house.


what I think is…

**someone needs to do right by this little girl!:crying: **

if granny has issues and bil has issues and you guys don’t want to deal with it for you niece’s sake… then…

**well for her sake get her someone else who will. (PLEASE let there be SOMEONE who will think of HER!:gopray2: ) **

from what you’ve said…

I don’t think either of them should get this precious child until they get their acts together. I can think of 2 families off the top of my head who’d move heaven and earth to take her in, so DO go to court, and let the court know that this child needs a good home.

:gopray: :nope: :crying: :gopray:


If my dh does get called to the stand, he said he will tell the judge that neither should get the child. That if he is called as a witness. He said that if he is not, he will keep quiet. That is different from months ago in which he said his mother should not be ruining another life.


I have always wanted to take this child, but dh did not want to deal with his immature, angry brother. Two people with anger is not a good thing and he did not want his anger to escalate and cause us marital problems. The thing now is that this child has so many medical problems and is very overweight and needs to be disciplined so much, I don’t know if I could do it with my medical problems. I would have other kids if I didn’t have so much medical problems myself. I think she should be adopted to a very good an loving home. She is very wild right now, but I don’t know if that is because of posssible child abuse at granny’s. Granny’s husband is not an abuser though. I don’t like the way he talks to my MIL at times, it is verbal abuse, so he may do the same to my niece. I don’t know for I haven’t seen him yell at her too much. We don’t spend to much time over at my MIL, dh’s choice.


From what I heard, the judge appointed a guardian ad litem to her and she has not met this person yet. I would like to talk to this person also, if what I say stays confidential. My husband would like to talk to this person also. We have yet to hear if this person has even contacted my MIL yet. From what I know, they are suppose to talk to all family members. I don’t know if my MIL would give them our name and number.

If I get called to testify, all I can testify too is how my husband is now and how he has been affected by his mother and father’s abuses. I know people can change, but honestly she has not changed. I only hope that her present husband is home to help with my niece for he is not abusive physically. Not that I know of.


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