To those single but actively seeking a partner


#1

Don't listen to the people here at CAF when it comes to relationship advice.

They can't help you. They can't even really sympathize. Why? Because they don't know you. Your situation is complex, much more complex than you or they can understand, and you just communicate in a post all the dynamics which go into WHY you're single. How can you sympathize with someone you know nothing about? And so, they're left with nothing but cute maxims and recycled proverbs. Not only that, but once everyone jumps on the opinion boat, you'll likely feel ten times worse about yourself than you did before you posted your original problem. You'd be better talking to the next stranger who you pass by on the street because at least he/she can look you in the eye rather than hypothesizing from 500 miles away.

I didn't listen to a single damn thing anybody here had to say and am still in a happy, successful relationship.

Just my :twocents:.


#2

:)

I think this is good advice no matter the topic at hand.


#3

I second this. Sometimes we feel pressure to find answers now but don't know who to turn to and the internet seems like a great place. But since there is a lack of personal interaction AND (unless the person you're speaking with knows you personally) there's the lack of personal knowledge. It can lead to confusion over what's the best course of action for you to take.

For non-personal questions, yes it's good. Otherwise, I'm not so sure.


#4

I agree to an extent, but IF the relationship involves sin and people are telling you that, it's important to listen.


#5

I totally agree that you need to filter what people say and use your judgement because they don't know the whole story.

But I am also curious as to why you posted this. It seems like you are really angry at the forum and I am not sure why.

If you are happy in your relationship, why did you ask for advice in the first place

CM


#6

Give me a break.


#7

[quote="Epistemes, post:1, topic:208444"]
Don't listen to the people here at CAF when it comes to relationship advice.

They can't help you. They can't even really sympathize. Why? Because they don't know you.

>>Interesting observation, but it sounds like your suggesting that people should listen to you. Just an observation.

Your situation is complex, much more complex than you or they can understand, and you just communicate in a post all the dynamics which go into WHY you're single. How can you sympathize with someone you know nothing about?

>>Just like a character in a book, I can get to know them through their stories.

And so, they're left with nothing but cute maxims and recycled proverbs. Not only that, but once everyone jumps on the opinion boat, you'll likely feel ten times worse about yourself than you did before you posted your original problem.

>>My experience with CAF has been quite the opposite. The information shared by our brothers and sisters here at CAF has been very beneficial.

You'd be better talking to the next stranger who you pass by on the street because at least he/she can look you in the eye rather than hypothesizing from 500 miles away.

>>That works too...sometime. ;-)

I didn't listen to a single damn thing anybody here had to say and am still in a happy, successful relationship.

>>Just curious then...why are you on CAF giving your two cents to our brothers and sisters?

Just my :twocents:.

[/quote]

Peace be with you.


#8

Make that two breaks.


#9

Make three breaks please and one OHY VAY! :)

  1. If an op doesn't want or can't handle advice----then don't ask for it.

  2. If an op would rather stay with an abusive spouse----just say so.

  3. If all an op wants to do is vent-----fine, make that clear.

  4. Please don't say it's an 'emergency and need help' if it isn't and then get ticked at those offering advice that the op asked for----NOT kosher. :cool:


#10

No in this case the problem is that the OP got a series of threads worth of advice he was not ready to handle.

I started coming on here when I made my entrance into the Church. At first it was a bit difficult. I am glad I listened and grew. Some of that growing has been painful in my life. OK, most of it. But hey, there is a purpose for suffering.


#11

Yet another juvenile and whiny "so there" thread on relationships.

"Don't take people's advise or you won't be happy"

Well, now there's an mature way to handle things. I believe that YOU were the one who sought the advice. And most of that advice was for you to put on you big boy panties and decide for yourself. Seriously, how can you come on CAF and act like we're all idiots? You do realize that YOU haven't been in a "relationship" very long, certinally not the years it takes before you can start to judge the advice given to you by older folks.

Disparaging CAF and those who post is not only silly it's just bothersome.

Might I remind you that you recently had a similar thread closed because of your flagrant immaturity and need to tell us we were all "pwned".

I once again find myself feeling so sorry for this young woman you call your girlfriend and wonder if she'll be on here in a couple of years wondering how to get away from a narcissist...because that's certinally how you're behaving right now.


#12

[quote="purplesunshine, post:11, topic:208444"]
Yet another juvenile and whiny "so there" thread on relationships.

"Don't take people's advise or you won't be happy"

Well, now there's an mature way to handle things. I believe that YOU were the one who sought the advice. And most of that advice was for you to put on you big boy panties and decide for yourself. Seriously, how can you come on CAF and act like we're all idiots? You do realize that YOU haven't been in a "relationship" very long, certinally not the years it takes before you can start to judge the advice given to you by older folks.

Disparaging CAF and those who post is not only silly it's just bothersome.

Might I remind you that you recently had a similar thread closed because of your flagrant immaturity and need to tell us we were all "pwned".

I once again find myself feeling so sorry for this young woman you call your girlfriend and wonder if she'll be on here in a couple of years wondering how to get away from a narcissist...because that's certinally how you're behaving right now.

[/quote]

:thumbsup: Having been married to someone with a form of NPD/BPD myself I can definetly see this and now I think I know why this particular OP and I are always going back and forth so heatedly


#13

I believe that all advice, has some value. Now that value might be not much, but it is a different point of view. Of course, on a forum, no one is going the whole picture. I heard somewhere that there are three sides to every story "his, hers, and what really happened".

Of course, advice teling me that I should become a nun is bad. :p. I love my boyfriend.


#14

I have a topic posted here on getting advice but I will not listen anything but what my instinct tells me but it was nice to be able to bounce the situation off of you all and get your input. I think its good because I needed to talk to someone about it and here I can remain anonymous. Your right the people really don't know the full situation from the internet but its good to get some different views.


#15

[quote="Epistemes, post:1, topic:208444"]
I didn't listen to a single damn thing anybody here had to say and am still in a happy, successful relationship.

[/quote]

There's a lot of bitterness here from someone who claims to be so happy.


#16

[quote="baltobetsy, post:15, topic:208444"]
There's a lot of bitterness here from someone who claims to be so happy.

[/quote]

Well said. I was thinking the same thing.

Why is the advice of the OP any different than the advice of other people? Isn't the original post a bit self defeating? Your giving advice on a website that tells others not to listen to advice.


#17

I'm a little sad this post inspired so many attacks. I do not know the posting history of the OP, but I do know he makes some good points. It's all right to ask people on this forum for advice BUT take it with a grain of salt. The people of this forum do NOT know other posters personally, they DO NOT know all the details and as such are not advising from a fully informed position.
:shrug:

Edited to Add; I feel like I'm reading this post way differently then everyone else. Haha. Sometimes I'm completely blind I suppose, but I just took this as his way of saying don't let an online community ruin your happiness. shrug


#18

[quote="nickybr38, post:17, topic:208444"]
I'm a little sad this post inspired so many attacks.*

[/quote]

I'm not too sure that this post inspired attacks. Whenever you post anything on a forum, be prepared for it to be debated. It's sort of like a law-if you post something, others will debate it! ;)


#19

[quote="Rascalking, post:18, topic:208444"]
I'm not too sure that this post inspired attacks. Whenever you post anything on a forum, be prepared for it to be debated. It's sort of like a law-if you post something, others will debate it! ;)

[/quote]

starts a thread: is the sky blue?

:p


#20

[quote="joandarc2008, post:10, topic:208444"]
No in this case the problem is that the OP got a series of threads worth of advice he was not ready to handle.

I started coming on here when I made my entrance into the Church. At first it was a bit difficult. I am glad I listened and grew. Some of that growing has been painful in my life. OK, most of it. But hey, there is a purpose for suffering.

[/quote]

Joan,
A good post with your learned (and suffered) wisdom.
God Bless,
Colmcille1.:)


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