Tolerance of others


Ok, I am trying to practice tolerance of others and here is where I am struggling.

A couple of years ago, I was give a verbal warning at work because my performance was not good enough. Of course at the time I was concern of losing my income and angry. So I shaped up. As humbling as it is to admit, I know see why it happened because I had become very careless.

Well, the good news is, not only has my performance improved, but almost on a weekly basis, my boss is complimenting me on how I keep improving. Also, I am getting more satisfaction from my job when I am actively participating and caring about the work (as oppose to doing the requirements to get a pay check)

So here is my problem. Whenever someone new asks me a question, I am having trouble being tolerant. 2 years ago, I would have seen it as a welcome break from my duties. Now I see it as 'how could you not know what I know in my sleep'. I try to correct my thinking and be tolerant of the new person. I also try to not tell them the answer but explain the theory so they as well can become better employees.

Well, today I had to help someone who has been there 2 years with a task he has never done before. I kind of resented his lack of knowledge when he has been in the department 2 years and still didn't know what appeared to be basic. I also resented his interuption with questions before letting me finish my point. I also had a comment from my boss ringing in my ears 'He doesn't put in the same urgency as you do with his tasks'. I try hard to run my own race and not judge others. Especially since half the time I have no idea what he is really working on.

Also, sometimes I suspect when my boss 'slightly' puts others down, she doesn't mean what she ways about the other person half as much as she is trying to compliment me.

So in a nutshell, the more I expect of myself, the more I expect of others. Can people share tips on how to continue to expect from myself yet be patient of others?




I know how you feel about getting frustrated - I am often this way with my schoolwork.

However, my work life is very different. In the past 4 years, I have held jobs at 6 different companies due to working as a temp, getting laid off, and having to move. I've always been "the newbie" and it gets worse when you keep switching because you have all this stuff in the back of your head that makes learning harder. I have been at my current job a year and a half now, but there is still a lot I don't know and people get frustrated with me. Anyway, when I started there working the register was hard because I was used to working with a different register system. It was so hard to learn a new one because old habits die hard.

Anyway, the thing I have learned is that you always have to try to assume the best about someone. There are a lot of different reasons someone might not be getting something, and try to focus on those reasons. I try my hardest to in my schoolwork since I am usually with someone who takes a little longer to get something than I do, but also remember that if you get frustrated anyway, we're all human. Take a breath, recenter yourself, pray, and look at them the way Jesus does - with love. :D


I work with a guy who consistently screws up what he's working on, but even more consistently lies to cover his tracks, make himself look better and to undermine everyone else on the team. I've had to put in long, extra hours on multiple occasions to fix stuff he's broken or cover up situations that he's ruined, yet our manager still insists that he's one of the top two guys on the team. I had a long meeting with my manager several months ago after catching the guy in a drastic, blatant lie. I was told that I was being unprofessional by calling this guy a liar, even though my manager agreed that he was lying. He explained it away by saying, "That's just how Jim is," and told me to drop the matter. :eek:

I've gone over my manager's head several times about this guy but always get the same results. I've caught him sending racist and sexist emails and verbally harassing coworkers, but they still turn a blind eye. I've made calls to HR detailing all this and nothing has been done.

Bottom line is that until someone higher up the food chain than me gets burnt, nothing's going to be done. In the meantime, I still have to work with him, and still have to fix his mistakes. I focus on doing the best I can so that if someone looks at things objectively, I'll stand out by comparison. I also do a lot of praying to St. Maria Goretti, seeking the strength to forgive this guy and the people who accept his actions.


Coworkers are awesome, aren't they?

The issue I had at my last job was that my boss continued to hire incompetent people. These were people that thought they knew how to do the tasks already, resented being trained, resented constructive criticism, and would leave as soon as they clock said they could, regardless if everything was done for the day - or they'd stay, but be browsing the internet for that extra time. They were not interested in learning how to do the job properly, and often appeared to not be interested in the job at all.

Of course, when tasks weren't completed properly, or when my boss was in a mood, I would get reprimanded for everything - because I was the senior employee, I "should have double checked". I had talk after talk with my boss, and with the boss' boss, and the response was always "ok, I'll discuss this with them" or "I know, I've noticed that as well" - and yet nothing was done, and the behavior didn't change. We were constantly left short-handed as these people would eventually find a "better job" but of course management hadn't been looking for new hires.

I think last lent I tried the "not getting so angry with idiots" thing, and whenever someone started getting on my nerves I'd say an our father or hail mary to myself. It worked for a little while but honestly I would have been praying all day and wouldn't have had time to actually work !:eek:

Since you only seem to be dealing with one person, who hopefully is not in your face all the time, this approach might work better for you. Whenever this person comes around asking for help, buy a few seconds to rattle the prayer off in your head by saying "one second, let me just tidy this up" or something and rearrange some papers or click some stuff on your computer. I totally agree with your approach of not "giving them the answer" but some people just never learn to figure things out for themselves (not sure how they've made it so far in life, but whatever) and will constantly be coming back with the same question different scenario. Try starting every morning, as you walk into the building, asking for the patience to deal with this person.

Good luck and I hope it helps!


Well, I don't know if this will help... but here goes.

Define the word "tolerance" for yourself. As well, as take into consideration a few things that you're not very good at.

So, with regard to the word tolerance. We have a tendancy to tolerate pain. It's something inflicted on us for one reason or another. I personally dislike the idea of tolerating a "person". They are a human being. A creation of God. I esecially dislike this word association with regard to RACE. We tolerate each others cultures and such. WHAT??? That's just so uncharitable in my opinion. We should ACCEPT the fact that we are all different, and have different strengths.

Now, on the job, I can see how it can be annoying to work with another who SHOULD know something and especially if you are held responsible for it. In that situation. Since you're held responsible for a person's work, that means you MANAGE them. It's your job to identify their weaknesses and help them improve. That's what a GOOD manager does. Now, if you do so, and they just don't get it. Then it goes in their evaluation. If for some reason you don't contribute to a person's evaluation, then you really aren't their manager, and you need to have a heart to heart with YOUR manager. They are expecting something from you that is not reasonable.

Now, consider something that you're not very good at. How would you feel when you walk to the expert or better than you person, and they get all huffy. They are complementing you in your knowledge. Now, if they are being lazy and expect you to do their work... then you tell them NO, let me show you so you can learn this, and do it on your own. It's not effective for us both to do it. And I don't have time to do it on my own.

Consider these situations outside of work.

Once upon a time a long time ago I was a pretty decent ballet dancer. I used to take college class in ballet just to workout. The classes were challenging physically because I was working on my bumm 40 hours a week. But mentally... rediculous. Super easy. I would get questions over and over again from beginners. How do you do this? How do you do that? I've always wanted to be a dancer, since I was a little girl.... How many semesters have you taken.. (um, I don't know... 30 maybe???) The thing is... NONE of those people were going anywhere with their dancing... But who cares? They loved trying. And I was flatter for anyone to think I was any sort of "expert"... sure in their environment. But in a REAL studio... NO WAY, not for even a second.

And so... I guess you could roll around in your head... This person sees me as an "expert", how flattering. When in reality, I BET YOU could learn a thing or two about your work... Now how would you feel to be "tolerated" by asking a question to better yourself?

Finally, from a work perspective. If this person is interferring with your work and you just truly don't have time, nor is it even remotely close to your description to show them how... have a discussion with your manager. "Hey, Joe keeps asking me for help on XYZ. I'd love to help him, but I just can't get my own work done and do so. But I can see he really needs some help in that area. What should I do?"

Oh, and I guess finally... in our effort to be more like Jesus during Lent... Do you think Jesus "tolerated" others? How would you define that???

Good luck, God Bless...


Thanks everyone for your great replies.

Perhaps I didn't word things right. I totally understand that in most of the scenarios in my office, it is on me to be more tolerant because most people are bery good.

My fear is when I start to show tolerance of others, I let my performance lack. I want to try to find a way to be tolerant of the new person but still expect myself to work lik the person who has been three years.

For example, if Joe says to me 'I didn't know the softward could do that' Instead of thinking 'Hey I know this software pretty good. I can put my feet up', I want to think 'Hey I wonder if this software has any features I don't know about'

I tend to gravitated to what is around me. Not good. If there is only new people around me, I still need to be the senior one.

Does that make sense to anyone?

Also, as far a talking to my manager. I want to choose my battles. Since this is not a big one, I want to save my complaints for when I NEED them to be tooken seriously

And the consolation is, once a year we are asked to evaluate each other and it will be my chance to speak up about things. Mind you, in a respectable manner



Interesting… so maybe you just need to wrap your brain around ways to keep your improvements up…

Also, when you identify where others are weak, you can use that info in your SELF evaluation about how you REALLY know your stuff, as compared to some others. In fact, you have others coming to you for help…

Toot your own horn… that’s what gets pay raises… :thumbsup:


I was once in a position like yours many moons ago when I was working. Responsible for the training of new employees (this was a very technical job in healthcare) and students (but they were given a lot of slack since they were just learning).
The one thing I can advice you - which you may or may not find helpful - is to be humble yourself. Even though I was the go-to person for breakdowns, I had to always think about me being in the learner's shoes. There are other people in the industry smarter than me is what I remind myself. Nobody wants to be given a hard time when they're trying to learn. If they have been there a few years and haven't learned or known how to deal with some things, then that is a reflection of how poor the training was, whoever was the responsible party.
Most of all, before going to work, pray to the Holy Spirit for guidance and patience. Take a step back and don't let the stresses of the workplace get you down.
When I left the hospital at the end of the shift, I wore my "homebody hat" again and at that point I leave all work-related thoughts behind. :whistle:


I try very hard to leave work related things at the office. However, that can be hard when everyone thinks a polite icebreaker is ‘Where do you work’ or ‘How are things in the office’. No matter how politely I try to set a boundary ‘Please can we talk about something else’, people give me a hard time. Some just see it as more the reason to ask.

But I do agree the office should be left at the office



It’s difficult to train new employees especially when the work is old hat to you. I have had this problem myself, when employees I’ve been training don’t pick up on tasks quickly. It’s quite frustrating to explain things over and over and over. (If someone can’t get it the first couple of times, they’re unlikely to get it, imho.)

So now when I train, I remember that I was once a trainee and had no idea what was going on. Maybe you could repeat that to yourself, “I was new once also.”

Good luck.


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