Too Soon for Engagement?

I have a close friend who announced her engagement to man she just met this past February. They are both Catholic, and a bit older (she is 38 or 39, he is 59). I had a hunch that this gentleman, given his age and enthusiasm for the relationship (the first time I met him he told me how in love he is and how wonderful she is about 5 times), would propose prematurely. I also discussed this concern with my friend and she agreed with me that an engagement before 6 mos of courtship would not be wise.

I am so shocked and stunned by this announcement. I am looking for advice on how to respond. This news was shared via text message this morning, and I have not responded at all. Any advice is helpful!

I’ve have several close friends in the past 6 months get engage after dating for 2-3 months.

I personally don’t think that’s right. You need time to know each other’s flaws. 2 months is not enough time.

For some people, it may not be too soon. My parents didn’t date for more than a year (IIRC) and they have been married for almost 50 years.

All you can do is congratulate them. It’s their decision.

It is possible at their age, they know what they want and have learned enough about each other to warrant an engagement. My own parents only dated 6 months and were engaged for a year (ish, maybe a little longer). and they were young for today’s marriage ages. Just celebrated 40 years. :shrug:

Respond with, “Congratulations!”. My parents decided to marry after knowing each other for two weeks. They did marry, had professional careers, raised 5 kids and my Dad passed away 3 years ago today, 3 months shy of their 60th wedding anniversary. It can be done. :slight_smile:

Very similar to my brother’s story. They’ve been happily married for 30 years.

Yes, tell her congratulations! As others have said, it may seem too early for you, but it’s your friend’s relationship and she’s decided she is happy with this man. Be glad for her.

Lou

Yup.

I think at older ages people often have a clearer idea of what they need and expect in a partner. They’ve dated before, they know what the pool of applicants is like. Three months is quick, but not unheard of. It also doesn’t mean that they’ll get married right away; they may pick a longer engagement. Tell her congratulations and pray for her.

Say Congratulations and pray for their happy marriage.
It’s not all that easy to find mate when you are older.
Perhaps he will treat her with the dignity and respect she deserves, and she realizes that.
I wouldn’t rain on her happiness.
Your response is “joy.” :thumbsup:

If you wait too long she will find all your faults. Better to win her before she realises the real horror. After twenty years I really believe my wife has come to actually like me.

:rotfl::bigyikes::rotfl:

It’s easy to like/love people with a great sense of humor and humility.
God bless you. We enjoy your posts. :slight_smile:

Thank you for all of your feedback. I did speak with my friend last night. I asked more questions and was able to express my hesitation and concern. I have other reservations about this man; nothing that can’t be overcome. My friend did say she will take any advice from the priest she has contacted to arrange their marriage prep, who does not know this man and has not been privy to their relationship thus far. I am praying that this priest will be the voice of reason and slow them down. I pray for a long engagement, but as the now fiancé expressed to me, “waiting only serves to waste time.” I also know that most of the time they have spent together has been alone, and not in the company of others, including key family members and friends. To me, this is alarming.

I do understand being older and knowing what you want in a mate. My husband and I were 36 and 40 when we married, and I was 39 when I have my first child. So I get it on some level.

Anyway… in the end, I did say congratulations and assured her of my continued prayers. I still don’t agree this is the right thing to do, but I am powerless to change it. So I pray that it all works out for them.

Thanks for listening. And please pray for her, and for me.

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.