Torn between two parishes


#1

Merry Christmas everyone!

I was wondering if any other brothers and sisters are in the same predicament.

I have been attending the same parish now for more than 25 years (since the 6th grade) and have been very active as an altar server, EMHC, lector, CCD teacher, member of the Liturgy Commission etc. You name it I have done it! :)

Now, here is my dilemma: I see myself drawn to a more traditional parish just across town where they have benediction, adoration, EF of the Mass, Confession twice a week, etc. How does one break ties with a parish they have been so involved in for so many years? Do I just keep going to both? :confused:

Thanks for your advice!


#2

Why do you need to break ties? Go to both. Many who attend the EF, because of family, confession, and other involvements, do that.


#3

You can handle this however you want. Do you want to go to both parishes? Do you want to go to just one? That's the beauty of the Catholic Church. You can go where you want!

If you want to go to 2 churches, go to 2 churches. If you want to switch, then switch. If anybody asks what happened, say you're going to this other Catholic Church.


#4

Call me crazy, but I don't see this as being any different than going to two different parishes because of Mass times and a commute for work or school.

I do understand that it would not be feasible to be responsible for CCD or EMHC duties in both parishes, so at some point you are going to have to make a choice. However, until you are sure where your "home" should be, there's nothing wrong with "two-churching it".

I heard a really interesting replay of 12/16's The Journey Home, with an Anglican Priest who converted after his retirement. He said he'd been called into the Church his whole life, and it was a journey of just continually saying "yes" to God. Keep that in mind and we'll not stray far, shall we?

Blessings,
V


#5

I divide my time between three parishes (two OF [in one of which I am an extremely active sacristan; in the other; a frequent lector], one EF) and the cathedral (where I help out as needed). I don't see the dilemma. :confused:


#6

I guess part of me is a little old fashioned that way: loyalty is what is ringing in my mind. Thank you all for your thoughts! It has been helped to put my mind and especially my heart at ease. I will keep on going to both parishes...but knowing myself, I will eventually have to set up "home" somewhere. :)


#7

I also go to two churches. My home parish church, the one I got baptized and confirmed in, and another one on town that I usually go for English mass.


#8

[quote="dgreyes, post:6, topic:349106"]
I guess part of me is a little old fashioned that way: loyalty is what is ringing in my mind. Thank you all for your thoughts! It has been helped to put my mind and especially my heart at ease. I will keep on going to both parishes...but knowing myself, I will eventually have to set up "home" somewhere. :)

[/quote]

Loyalty is a good thing, and I can see how it might seem disloyal to leave a parish where you have thrived and been involved for over 25 years. I actually admire you for that—my life has been rather nomadic from birth and I have known fourteen parishes in eight dioceses in three countries, so my references are obviously different from yours.

On the other hand, should you eventually choose to change to the parish you are now drawn to, there is nothing disloyal about that. It may simply be time to move on. I do not wander away from my territorial parish because it lacks something or there's something wrong with it. I do so because I feel called to share, grow and strengthen my faith with more than just the members of my own parish. Each parish I frequent (and the cathedral) feeds my spirituality in different ways, and my presence contributes something different to each as well.

My pastor used to object to my regularly frequenting other parishes, but he has come to understand that doing so is not a betrayal. The experiences I have at my secondary parish, the ICRSS oratory and the cathedral allow me to better serve the Lord as a sacristan in my territorial parish.

The Holy Father says that the wonderful experience of meeting Christ and the joy of faith "must not remain locked up in your life or in the small group of your parish, your movement, or your community. That would be like withholding oxygen from a flame that was burning strongly. Faith is a flame that grows stronger the more it is shared and passed on, so that everyone may know, love and confess Jesus Christ, the Lord of life and history (cf. Rom 10:9)." So go and share the joy of your faith! :thumbsup:


#9

Go to the parish you prefer. Simple as that.


#10

I began attending a once a month EF Mass at our local parish over 5 years ago. A year and a half ago that Mass was transferred to another parish 40 miles away. I have since found a weekly EF Mass 70 miles away. I have transferred my attendance to that parish.

My love for the EF has prompted me to do this. I only attend the local parish about twice a year for special Masses.


#11

You're lucky you're only torn between two. I'm torn between at least 4. I still attend my old parish whenever they have special functions like fairs and I'll be going to Christmas day Mass there though I'll being at a different parish for Midnight Mass. A friend at the old parish continues to go only because he feels obliged to lend moral support but my view is that if they wanted my attendance more often, they should offer the more traditional Mass that I seek (And a shorter homily. The priest is very long-winded.).


#12

[quote="dgreyes, post:1, topic:349106"]
Merry Christmas everyone!

I was wondering if any other brothers and sisters are in the same predicament.

I have been attending the same parish now for more than 25 years (since the 6th grade) and have been very active as an altar server, EMHC, lector, CCD teacher, member of the Liturgy Commission etc. You name it I have done it! :)

Now, here is my dilemma: I see myself drawn to a more traditional parish just across town where they have benediction, adoration, EF of the Mass, Confession twice a week, etc. How does one break ties with a parish they have been so involved in for so many years? Do I just keep going to both? :confused:

Thanks for your advice!

[/quote]

You can go to both.
However, please remember that YOUR parish is your residential one and is the one which would perform baptisms, weddings and funerals. The only way these could be done in another parish is if your own parish priest gave permission to another parish priest. Priests in a parish you attend which is not your residential parish do not have to perform any of these for you and can refuse (even if your own parish priest gave permission).
Therefore, be careful about what you mean by breaking ties.


#13

[quote="thistle, post:12, topic:349106"]
You can go to both.
However, please remember that YOUR parish is your residential one and is the one which would perform baptisms, weddings and funerals. The only way these could be done in another parish is if your own parish priest gave permission to another parish priest. Priests in a parish you attend which is not your residential parish do not have to perform any of these for you and can refuse (even if your own parish priest gave permission).
Therefore, be careful about what you mean by breaking ties.

[/quote]

Maybe this is true in some places, but not in any of the US dioceses where I've lived. My "own" parish has always been the one where I chose to register. No one ever said I had to register where I lived or ask that priest permission for anything.


#14

[quote="LisaB, post:13, topic:349106"]
Maybe this is true in some places, but not in any of the US dioceses where I've lived. My "own" parish has always been the one where I chose to register. No one ever said I had to register where I lived or ask that priest permission for anything.

[/quote]

It is irrelevant where you register. A Catholic can register in numerous parishes at the same time but your parish is the one you live in. Registering in a parish does not make it your parish. Priests may not break canon law which is universal and not in "some places".

Can. 102 §1 Domicile is acquired by residence in the territory of a parish, or at least of a diocese, which is either linked to the intention of remaining there permanently if nothing should occasion its withdrawal, or in fact protracted for a full five years.

§2 Quasi-domicile is acquired by residence in the territory of a parish, or at least of a diocese, which is either linked to the intention of remaining there for three months if nothing should occasion its withdrawal, or in fact protracted for three months.

Can. 104 Spouses are to have a common domicile or quasi-domicile. By reason of lawful separation or for some other just reason, each may have his or her own domicile or quasi-domicile.

**§3 The proper parish priest of one who has only a diocesan domicile or quasi-domicile is the parish priest of the place where that person is actually residing.

Can. 1110 A personal Ordinary and a personal parish priest by virtue of their office validly assist, within the confines of their jurisdiction, at the marriages only of those of whom at least one party is their subject.

Can. 1115 Marriages are to be celebrated in the parish in which either of the contracting parties has a domicile or a quasi-domicile or a month's residence or, if there is question of vagi, in the parish in which they are actually residing. With the permission of the proper Ordinary or the proper parish priest, marriages may be celebrated elsewhere.

Can. 1118 §1 A marriage between catholics, or between a catholic party and a baptised non-catholic, is to be celebrated in the parish church. By permission of the local Ordinary or of the parish priest, it may be celebrated in another church or oratory.**


#15

If you attend more than one, how do you manage your financial contributions to the parish? Do you have a 'home' parish and give consistently to that one?


#16

[quote="Eugenius, post:15, topic:349106"]
If you attend more than one, how do you manage your financial contributions to the parish? Do you have a 'home' parish and give consistently to that one?

[/quote]

I cannot speak for what others do, but this is my approach: I support my primary (territorial) parish and secondary parish to the same level financially. If I'm unable to do so, my primary parish has priority. There is nothing I give my secondary parish that I do not also give to my primary parish, in the exact same amount. When I took on a secondary parish, I did not reduce my contributions in my primary parish—I matched them. So my primary parish did not "lose out" when I adopted the secondary one.

I contribute at the cathedral whenever I attend a Mass there during which a collection is taken.

I contribute to my EF parish periodically, as I am able.


#17

[quote="Eugenius, post:15, topic:349106"]
If you attend more than one, how do you manage your financial contributions to the parish? Do you have a 'home' parish and give consistently to that one?

[/quote]

This would be an interesting question not only for those who attend the EF in another parish (which is totally valid, btw) but also for those who attend another parish for their own vernacular, for example a Polish or Spanish Mass.


#18

[quote="thistle, post:14, topic:349106"]
It is irrelevant where you register. A Catholic can register in numerous parishes at the same time but your parish is the one you live in. Registering in a parish does not make it your parish. Priests may not break canon law which is universal and not in "some places".

Can. 102 §1 Domicile is acquired by residence in the territory of a parish, or at least of a diocese, which is either linked to the intention of remaining there permanently if nothing should occasion its withdrawal, or in fact protracted for a full five years.

§2 Quasi-domicile is acquired by residence in the territory of a parish, or at least of a diocese, which is either linked to the intention of remaining there for three months if nothing should occasion its withdrawal, or in fact protracted for three months.

Can. 104 Spouses are to have a common domicile or quasi-domicile. By reason of lawful separation or for some other just reason, each may have his or her own domicile or quasi-domicile.

**§3 The proper parish priest of one who has only a diocesan domicile or quasi-domicile is the parish priest of the place where that person is actually residing.

Can. 1110 A personal Ordinary and a personal parish priest by virtue of their office validly assist, within the confines of their jurisdiction, at the marriages only of those of whom at least one party is their subject.

Can. 1115 Marriages are to be celebrated in the parish in which either of the contracting parties has a domicile or a quasi-domicile or a month's residence or, if there is question of vagi, in the parish in which they are actually residing. With the permission of the proper Ordinary or the proper parish priest, marriages may be celebrated elsewhere.

Can. 1118 §1 A marriage between catholics, or between a catholic party and a baptised non-catholic, is to be celebrated in the parish church. By permission of the local Ordinary or of the parish priest**, it may be celebrated in another church or oratory.

[/quote]

Can't speak for marriages, but my son was baptized in a church we attended at the time, not at all near our house. We needed no permission from any other priest. He also received holy communion with his class in a church that wasn't by us at the time.


#19

[quote="ProVobis, post:17, topic:349106"]
This would be an interesting question not only for those who attend the EF in another parish (which is totally valid, btw) but also for those who attend another parish for their own vernacular, for example a Polish or Spanish Mass.

[/quote]

In many cases, the local bishop establishes what is Canonically referred to as a 'Personal Parish', meaning that it erected by the bishop himself for a particular reason to support a defined community (as opposed to geography)

Those parishes do not have geographical boundries, and any person who falls into the category that the bishop defined as members.

The closest Catholic Church to my house, for example, is a Polish Personal Parish. It was erected to serve the needs of the Polish community (Mass and Confession offered in Polish). Even though that Church is just two blocks from my house, we are not members there, It has no geography defined for it, but every Pole in metro Detroit can claim to be members there, and the pastor there will be their Canonical Pastor.

There are several parishes in our diocese that offer the EF Mass, and the Archbishop has changed their status to be that of a Personal Parish. So anyone desiring the Mass in the EF can choose to claim membership at one of those parishes. When they do so, any Canonical obligations that they have to their territorial parish and to the territorial pastor (and he to them) no longer exists.


#20

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