Torn Mind

Here’s the thing. I’ve always felt for a long time now that my mind isn’t as whole or united as many people outside of it perceive. I don’t think I have a real multiple personality disorder but there are times when I feel like I constantly change between various ‘modes’. Kinda like the guy from He-Man, Man-E-Faces or Blitzwing from that new Transformers: Animated.

At first it really caused me a lot of trouble. There were times when I did something in a certain ‘mode’ only to hate myself for it upon seeing it from the perspective another ‘mode’. Each of these different ‘modes’ have rather troublesome aspects.

The problem is, it’s these same aspects that also become useful traits in certain situations.

For example, when I’m dealing with liberals I tend to portray a cold, religious, cynical way of thinking so that I won’t be swayed by their excessive appeals to emotion (something I find them to have a strange habit of doing).

On the other hand, when I’m dealing with hillbilly evangelical fundamentalists I give the impression of a rebellious youth who uses borderline atheistic reasoning so as to convince them on how irrational their beliefs are.

Tell me, is it wrong for me to be like this? It’s just that it’s always been my nature to split my mind so I can have the different pieces seeing from different perspectives.

Most people have multiple personas; some people’s are more pronounced than others, but we’re never the same in every social setting. I’m sure your behavior towards your priest is markedly different than your behavior towards your friends and that behavior is different from how you act towards your spouse or significant other. Likewise, how you behave is decided by your audience. (Or, at the very least, your audience should be a small factor in your behavior). So, no, you shouldn’t be too worried about that.

Yes, I think we all, to some extent, have different personas in different settings and that this is usual. Some of it comes from the different settings in which we live of life us into and their expectations, some from the people we interact with and maybe sometimes how we feel on a particular day.

I think that multiple personas can become questionable when they result in us behaving in ways that our essential self disapproves or we endorse views contrary to our deeply held beliefs.

If you are really worried about the psychological side of it, go and see a psychologist? Things like the law, medicine or psychology aren’t a great field for non-expert advice.

This said, I perfectly understand the notion of pulling a natural lawyer on the libs and a rebel on the fundamentalists. Different modes of discussion are good for different adversaries.

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