Tough Love is the Way to Go


#1

I know advocate for humility, being thick-skinned and detached when being rebuked. How come it is not that easy for me to practice? Are humans that fragile? Why can’t I get rid of my sensitivity and fragility and not feel offended or hurt when a spade is called a spade? Isn’t that a weakness to not able to handle the truth regardless of gently or brashly it is delivered? A spade is a spade whether I like it or not. Where do feelings even come in? This is where I become frustrated with being emotional. If I cut out half the emotionality and sensitivity in my temperament, I’d be a tough person like God wants. I used to think there was only being too sensitive and no such thing as too insensitive. It seems superior to be insensitive though.


#2

Maybe God is using it to teach you to moderate your own responses.


#3

Human as we are, we tend to be ego-centered because that’s our “fallen” nature. We are called by God to think outside of ourselves, to think of others instead, become selfless and thus imitate Christ.


#4

Sometimes people overemphasize the tough and forget about the love when dealing with others. Being sensitive is not a bad thing.


#5

It’s also important to be sensitive to the feelings of others when trying to correct a wrongdoing of a brethren. Doing it always out of love and not out of anger. I usually forget this one though :slight_smile:


#6

What I don’t like is when someone cruelly tramples another person’s feelings in the name of tough love, and then blithely tells them to “Get over it.” Certainly, that is not what God wants. A sensitive person should not have to feel guilty or inadequate over this. I think we have too many tough love bullies who justify boorish behavior like it’s a virtue.

On the other hand, I do understand being oversensitive, and wanting to become less so.


#7

Who says God wants you to be a tough person?

I am a very sensitive person, I cry all the time, at the drop of a hat and only cry a billionth of the times I am hurt. I am positive God doesnt mind. He made me that way, He loves me that way, He doesnt make mistakes. There is some Psalm somewhere in the Bible where God says he has a bottle for our tears, I look up at God and say get your bottle ready My Lord and it makes me smile, even through my tears. Some times in public I ask God to hide my tears from others so they dont feel sorry for me, as it isnt about me. You know what I think, God gave me sensitivity to feel what others may feel so that I can temper my actions so I don’t hurt people. Listen to some things that Mother Angelica (a nun) says about suffering on youtube, she says we should be tender with other people so we dont hurt them cos you never know what they are going through. So true, I (maybe you too) feel such intense emotions cos I am given this grace by God to know how it is too feel so I am careful with others as if they are fragile too, like me. It is ok to be hurt by others, just remember how Jesus would act. He was hurt when His disciples fell asleep leaving Him alone in the garden of Gethsemane, He was hurt when they ran away, He was hurt when people yelled to crucify Him, told lies about HIm, all those things, but He did not yell hate. He was meek and calm and loved them still. That’s what we are called to do. Love those who hate us, who hurt us… we don’t have to not be hurt. Try giving your hurt to Jesus. Tell Him you can’t have it cos it’s too much right now and take it from you. He is always with you and He will help you, you dont have to be tough, just full of love. Remember that person being mean to you is hurting too, they are just taking that hurt and smacking you with it… don’t take the hurt and hit anyone else with it, give it to Jesus so He can turn it into love. Remember to love the other person where they are, someone hurting like crazy in front of you. You dont have to be detached or thick skinned, be yourself. Dont try get rid of your sensitivity. it is who you are, God’s grace is sufficient for you. It may well be your thorn in your flesh like St Paul. God bless you x


#8

So sensitive towards other not ourselves is the way to go.


#9

I can a bit of both which I hate. Some people have suggested a true Christian wouldn’t be hurt by words at all. That we have died to ourselves. I think that’s what keeps me Catholic. They aren’t too many extremists.


closed #10

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