Toxic Family Help


#1

I’ve been dealing with this issue for quite some time. I lost my beloved grandfather about 3 years ago and so many things in my life changed. I knew with my faith I could handle most of the adjustments but some of these problems were so tough I truly have no idea how to confront them. So about a year after my grandfathers passing my grandmother began seeing men again, it did break my heart truly but things became worse she began to drink and smoke and act carelessly and I began notice things I never had before. In my eyes she changed but in my mother’s she had always been that way. As time passed my eyes opened to see how cruel my grandmother could be, she had always mistreated my mother and I never saw it until she started treating my brother and I the same way. It was the last straw to my mother when my grandmother and aunt began attacking me with the most horrible things any one had ever said to me it left me in tears and speechless I had never seen this side to them. Our relationship drastically changed we didn’t visit as much and they continued to verbally attack my brother and I to my poor mother. One day after doing a canned food drive for my church in my grandmothers neighborhood my mother and i decided to visit her. It was very unexpected, it was a Saturday about 12pm and my grandmother stepped out her house in her underwear she had just woken up and as we enrtered her house there were empty bottles of alcohol all over her kitchen her house reeked of cigarettes and when she finally spoke I barely recognized her voice it brought me to tears again It made my heart hurt to see her like that and I knew exactly why, her boyfriend encouraged her to have this behavior because they spent all their time drinking and partying like teens. I begged her so many times to leave him as he was leading her down this terrible road and she never listened. I told her to come home and spend the night with my family and leave that man and she agreed. Yet that night she never came I called and she made excuses again. She never owns up to her mistakes. And the next morning my mother drove to her house and she was so angered to find that pig sleeping in what used to be her fathers bed it showed my mom what her mother truly cared about and that it wasn’t us. Since then we haven’t spoken and it’s been about 6 months I saw my grandmother choose a man and a drink over her daughter and grandchildren. And she’s never even tried to come and fix things it breaks my heart and I often find myself sobbing over this. I would greatly appreciate advice and prayers I’m so lost thank you. God bless you all.


#2

I’m really sorry about the loss of your grandfather and what has happened with your grandmother and family. I will pray for you all.

Based on your post, your grandmother is likely an alcoholic. She may well have turned to the bottle and self-destructive behavior out of grief or loneliness at losing her spouse. She has a mental disease and it is causing her to behave badly towards your mom, your brother and you. You are probably not going to be able to get her to stop, or to “own up to her mistakes”.

I recommend that you and your mother get some help in order for you to better understand and deal with the situation with your grandma. Your local Al-anon organization is a good place to start. God bless.


#3

I have often thought that the people who are the most unattractive (in any way) and repel us need our love the most. It’s not an easy gig especially if we are hands on people, but you’ve asked here so you know you need outside help with this. God hears, remember to ask for His help too, he will guide you as he guided you to post here.

Id say be strong and know that you are loved. Peace be with you.


#4

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