Traditional Catholic and gay

I would love to raise my family up in the traditional church but I am gay with a partner and child. Can I still do this?

It would be unlikely. The problem is that the Church does not like to upset children before they can truly comprehend what moral law is. They would be teaching that their parents were living in a state of mortal sin and rejecting God, and kids don’t differentiate “your parents are living in sin” and “your parents are bad people” very well, when the Church only teaches the former, not the latter.

From my knowledge of specific cases, you would be extremely unlikely to be able to send them to a Catholic school. But I would ask your specific priest in confidence what you should do, if you want your child brought up fully traditional, even if it meant teaching the Truth that you and your partner were living in sin.

Edit: I realized I forgot to add that if you are seeking to follow the Truth yourself, God is always reaching out to His children to bring them home :). Please discuss this with a priest in a confidential manner and let him guide you in your pursuit of the Truth.

People’s lives change all the time. What at one time seems like the best thing to do, may come to seem not the best anymore.
It may be that you are drawing closer to God, and wanting to make Him more the center of your life. That is an excellent thing.
Please don’t let your current circumstances stop you from seeking God, or teaching your child about His love and compassion for us.
We don’t know your circumstances. The church would advise you to live a chaste life, which in your case would mean abstaining from sexual relations. Only you know how that would go over in your family.
You could talk to a priest, and hopefully find a kind one who will teach you the truth but not be harsh about it. God loves you and your partner and child, and wants the best for all of you. You will have to pray and study to find out what that might be.

We are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God. I hope that your family is not disciminated against in the one place we should all feel welcome and safe! Talk with your local priest. Also dont be afraid to shop around. I pray there is a parish close to you that is far more welcoming then some here. Best wishes

I’ll assume that you are Catholic in my answer.

It is your duty to raise your child in the faith, teaching your child how to pray and all the things she/he needs to know about Jesus and the truth, showing your child how to live a moral life without compromise. So of course you can meet your duty. Even if obstacles are placed in your way, you can meet your duty. Sacrifice will likely be involved, as it is in nearly all worthwhile projects.

This duty starts at home, with you and what you do there. Set a good example. But I’m not sure if that is what you are asking. You may be asking if anyone will place obstacles in your way, like not accepting your child into the community.

For example, if your child is not yet baptized, you could encounter that simple item as an obstacle. Persist. Make changes. Seek your child’s best interest. God is watching over your child, so do your part and it will be okay. Don’t compromise truth and stay faithful to your baptismal promises. God will help you with that and he will deal with the rest.

In case if it is unknown to you prior to this, the Church teaches continence outside of marriage, marriage meaning traditional Church marriage for a Catholic. Civil marriage alone does not count. I’ve found that some Catholics don’t know this.

I think that there would be a fluidity in thinking within the church on this…Traditional Catholics also believe in love and acceptance even though they are black and white on the gay thing… if you are prepared not to recieve communion (nothing to do with Jesus the body of…but being in agreement with church teaching) and are willing to raise your children Catholic then I would see no reason why the church wouldn’t find ways of doing this…

Question is - as a gay partnership (and by the way I see that as a beautiful expression of love between two people) are you really prepared to allow your kids to be Catholic knowing the tensions that we have in the church about this? We haven’t really resolved how to apply a gentle Catholic teaching about homosexuality with the reality of the political strength of the gay lobby…(which, by the way are doing great things overall for the full expression of equality and human rights in Canada at least)…

I have to also acknowledge your authenticity and honesty about saying who you are and what you would want to do…I am not a traditional catholic, I am totally post-vatican…but we are the same church and the traditional mass is part of my reality as a catholic…however…I do prefer the ordinary mass where the priest is part of our community in our worship…not our mediator…if you will…

Anyways, i will look forward to responses to you on this one…


Bruce Ferguson

You are welcome to attend Mass and teach your child the Faith of the Church.

In teaching the faith of the Church, you would also be teaching that the Church defines marriage as a Covenant between God, a woman, and a man. Explaining the Church as teaching Truth and explaining the path you are living - would show your choice is not to follow Church teaching.

Your child may wonder why you choose not to following the Church if you believe it is Christ’s True Church.

You will find many Catholics who do not follow Church teachings. These people are sometimes referred to as “not in good standing”.

Your priest will be the best person to help you in your journey with your family.

May you look to God and His Church for how He is calling you as a parent to form your child in the Faith. May God bless you.

It depends on what changes you are willing to make for the sake of your child and your faith. There is no “traditional” and “not-traditional” when it comes to the moral teachings of Catholicism. As a Catholic, you have the responsibility to live your life, as well as you can (no one is perfect), in accordance with Church teaching. As a Catholic parent, you have the responsibility to teach your child the faith and to make the home a domestic Church. The home and the Church cannot be opposed, they must be in harmony.

If you want to raise your child in the faith and are willing to do what it takes to make that happen, you should speak to your pastor who can guide you. But if you want to have two lives - one as a Catholic who loves traditional practices and one who eschews Catholic teaching, you are going to have a struggle.

You do understand that the Church teaches, infallibly (and no this will never change) that all sexual relations outside of marriage, defined as a life-long covenant between one man and one woman, are gravely sinful and, if acted on with full knowledge and deliberate consent (as appears to be true in your case), will lead, if not repented of in this life, to eternal death, right? You are not Catholic if you do not accept this teaching. You might struggle to live this teaching, you might struggle to understand this teaching, but if you reject the teaching you have put yourself outside of communion with the Church. You’ll note, the Church’s teaching isn’t homosexual sex specific. It teaches that all sex outside of marriage, as defined by the Church, is sinful.

I think you ought to pray on what will probably be the hardest teaching of the Church for you to accept and consider whether or not you will ever be able to be in full communion with the Church. If you can’t be, you’ll have to consider whether you will be able to raise your children to be in full communion with the Church - that is, will you be able to support the Church’s teaching, including the teaching on human sexuality.

I strongly recommend against assuming the Church will change it’s moral teaching, it hasn’t in 2,000 yrs on any issue, it won’t in the future. You need to ask yourself why you want to raise your children in the Church and what your (and your children’s) relationship to the Church will be.

All that being said, I strongly encourage you to continue to explore the Church. She is the light in the darkness of this world. She is the only source of salvation for all mankind (no, that doesn’t mean non-Catholics can’t be saved, see CCC 846 and following). She is our mother and teacher - the bride and body of Christ. And to be joined with her is a true blessing.

May God bless you and your family. I’ll say an Ave for you. :slight_smile:

With anybody, my advice would be mostly the same…obey the 10 commandments, the Pope, and live the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

When we are in a state of mortal sin, we need to repent, go to confession and do our absolute best not to fall back into it. Further, when we have been entrusted with the responsibility of children…godchildren…etc… We need, to the best of our ability, to be a good example and not créate scandal (teaching innocent people activities which are sinful).

I think you want the benefits of being a traditional Catholic, but that would not be possible to achieve without some changes. You need to make a decisión about what is important to you, your partner, and this child.

Do you want to persist in a state of mortal sin, putting your immortal soul in jeopardy and likewise that of your partner and exposing this child to follow in this same path or do you love yourself, your partner, and this child enough to try to change even though it would be possibly the hardest thing you have done in your entire life?

The Church really can’t be of much help to you as long as you continue to deliberately refuse to obey its laws and rules.

In order to receive the benefits of the Church, we need to all make the necessary sacrifices.

No, you can’t be a traditional Catholic, or any kind of Catholic, and fraudulently claim to be a “gay” married to another “gay” and involving children in your perverted lifestyle.

Next question.

There are ways to state the Truth of Christ, while being more open and kind to the person asking. You should look into that.

God Bless

Maybe you need to read a little more about what the Holy Father is trying to achieve by not turning sinners away from the Church, but welcoming them. If I was met at the door to a church by “you are perverted…” I’m not sure I would think I was at the Church that our Lord founded. Get that huge plank out of your own eye.:cool:

A lot of people like to throw stones at others and not realize the sin they are in themselves. Jesus did not approve of the sin of adultery-- adultery is wrong! But he treated her with dignity and said go forth and sin no more.

Similarly, as a Catholic we hold firmly that homosexual actions are disordered and immoral, like all of us are disordered. We do not accept the sin, but we love the person because they are a child of God and we tell them “go forth and sin no more.”

Take a hard look at yourself if you are willing to tear down but not willing to build up.

So to the topic at hand, be cautious in your proceedings. It is best that you begin speaking with a priest. It would cause scandal to the local church if you were to receive Eucharist, and it would also be wrong to do so, but that’s not a ban on your child doing so when they are of age. You can certainly raise them up in the faith. But seek a priest’s help and advice, and if that’s not helpful seek another.

Remember, no matter what, I am afraid the gay life style is immoral in the eyes of God and the Church. I encourage you to rectify your situation, especially since it appears you have faith in God. But proceed with the help of the Church.

Boy it must of taken you a long time to come up with an answer like that…how does one fraudulently claim to being gay he or she is saying that they is that fraudulent? :slight_smile: Never said he had a gay marriage just a gay partner as many of our common law brothers and sisters do…I just think your attitude is arrogant. sorry brother.

Bruce Ferguson

My relationship is a bit unusual.

My partner is in RICA
I am chaste but we sleep in the same bed without temptations.
I feel I agree with teachings of the Church. All except of gay equality. That is the only liberal part of me.

Unfortunately, the teachings you agree with are probably logical, anybody would agree with them. The major issue is the sexuality which you do not agree with.
By the way most of the church teachings are intertwined, to disagree with even one major teaching might actually mean disagreeing with a majority of the other teachings.
Where I am from, polygamy is a norm. But if one was to join the church, he must live with only one wife,(Might still be responsible for the welfare of the other wives, but they live separately, can’t really explain it). The man cannot just say, well, he loves all his wives and cannot DIVORCE them.
To really join the church, one must be ready to make sacrifices. The sacrifices may go against nature and the norm, but remember, the church doesn’t answer to nature or to ‘norms’ but to God.
Jesus is Lord. But for Jesus to be our Lord, He has to be Lord over everything, and not just some things, else, He wouldn’t really be Lord.

Part of my post is a paraphrase from an apologetics answer(in an issue of a catholic magazine, can’t remember, probably word among us) to a woman who asked why she wasn’t allowed to go for confession and receive communion, JUST BECAUSE she was divorced (without annulment).

meant remarried without annulment

The OP sounds like they are seeking the Lord. It isn’t our place to block the way. We have to be careful with what spirit we speak to people or we might hear words like these…

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to.”

Matthew 23:13 NIV

You need to define your terms here.

What do you mean by “raise my family up in the traditional church”?
What does that mean to you?
How are you envisioning this?
To you, does this mean simply attending the traditional Mass? If so, does it mean attending as a Catholic? If so, does it mean receiving Holy Communion?
Does it mean raising the children as Catholics? If so, they will be instructed in the faith, which will contain doctrine that is at odds with your living arrangement.

Please clarify the above issues, it’s impossible to tailor an answer without any of that information.

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