Transexual Niece - how should we react?


#1

I have watched with sadness over the years as my beautiful niece has been brought up by a Wiccan mother (my sister) and a virulent anti-christian grandmother (my mom). There wasn’t a lot I could do, being just the aunt and then also living all over the world with my own family.
Anyway, my niece has been encouraged to dress “ghetto”, “emo”, etc., allowed to drop out of school, been told that “higher education is stupid, people with degrees think they’re better than anyone else” attitude.
When my niece dropped out of HS in the ninth grade, my sister was fine with it. My mom was starting to realize that my sister was screwed up but it was too late: her grandchildren were now living 1000 miles away and she couldn’t change the anti-morality message she’d been sending to them.
When my niece encountered problems entering the work force at age 18 with no state ID, no driver’s licence, no HS diploma, no GED - nothing, we sent for her and she stayed with us about a year and actually finished a year at a junior college in art. Had a boyfriend, hung out with my kids, the whole nine yards. It was much healthier. She seemed very happy and social.
Then my sister convinced her to move back home.
She did; went back to living in a dark hole with a computer for a friend; dropped out of school to work at a video game store; got an online girlfriend who wants to be a gay guy and have a sex-change operation. My mom is finally horrified, but it is partially her fault for instilling her ridiculous PC **** into my sister and my niece for all of these years.
Now my niece, who believes in this girlfriend, has also had an operation to become a gay man with this same girl. It is insane that these girls are having sex change operations. They are 22. Now they both want to be gay guys together?
I’m sorry, but no. I refuse to accept this.
When my elderly father and stepmother, who cared for my niece for several years, learn of this situation I am truly afraid for their health. It will nearly kill my father.
What should I do? How do we handle this? My niece lives 1000 miles away with her girlfriend.


#2

Love him, and if you disagree with the choice, pray, Don't ruin a relationship over it.


#3

im sorry i ahve no advice but i will pray for you and her God bless


#4

Who is paying for these operations? These are costly and difficult operations…it’s pretty difficult to mutilate your genitals and make something where there wasn’t anything…What a world we live in, there used to be extensive counseling for people who thought they wanted to change genders…Now I guess it’s more like getting contact lenses!

It’s an awful, awful situation, Musician. There just is not much I can say except I will add you to my prayers. What a shame.


#5

This is tragic. Entirely. Your mom and sister are now reaping what they've sown.But, she's 22 and a legal adult. There's really not a lot you can do at this point.

I think the very best thing is to just love her and pray for her.


#6

She has saved up for the operations herself and I guess her insurance is covering the rest.
Now, bear in mind that I am fairly liberal at times: if I truly thought she had gender issues and was receiving therapy, etc., had always been boyish and more masculine, I think I could accept it.
And I know for a fact that there are people with real, physical gender issues.
But she has never expressed this before meeting this girl.
I am so sad she has chosen to mutilate her precious gift of femininity. I do not want to see her again.:(


#7

[quote="Musician, post:6, topic:252826"]
She has saved up for the operations herself and I guess her insurance is covering the rest.
Now, bear in mind that I am fairly liberal at times: if I truly thought she had gender issues and was receiving therapy, etc., had always been boyish and more masculine, I think I could accept it.
And I know for a fact that there are people with real, physical gender issues.
But she has never expressed this before meeting this girl.
I am so sad she has chosen to mutilate her precious gift of femininity. I do not want to see her again.:(

[/quote]

I don't blame you! I would be very upset and sad if one of my relatives did this.


#8

Dear Musician, I am so sorry to hear about this tragic story. She lived with you for a year so it seems you are not a distant relative but someone she loves and cares about. Please show her love, send her cards and call her on the phone. You do not and should not tell her that you approve of her actions but show her that you love her.

Another issue is your children. I would not, under any circumstances have young children around her it would be very confusing and perhaps cause scandal. You did not mention how old your children are…perhaps older children or teenagers might be able to grasp the severity of the situation and can help pray but extreme caution must be used.

Praying for her, how sad.


#9

[quote="Musician, post:6, topic:252826"]
She has saved up for the operations herself and I guess her insurance is covering the rest.
Now, bear in mind that I am fairly liberal at times: if I truly thought she had gender issues and was receiving therapy, etc., had always been boyish and more masculine, I think I could accept it.
And I know for a fact that there are people with real, physical gender issues.
But she has never expressed this before meeting this girl.
I am so sad she has chosen to mutilate her precious gift of femininity. I do not want to see her again.:(

[/quote]

You should reconsider. I understand your upset but that is not a charitable attitude. Praying.
:(


#10

[quote="Musician, post:6, topic:252826"]
She has saved up for the operations herself and I guess her insurance is covering the rest.
Now, bear in mind that I am fairly liberal at times: if I truly thought she had gender issues and was receiving therapy, etc., had always been boyish and more masculine, I think I could accept it.
And I know for a fact that there are people with real, physical gender issues.
But she has never expressed this before meeting this girl.
I am so sad she has chosen to mutilate her precious gift of femininity. I do not want to see her again.:(

[/quote]

Is she going to get a psychological evaluation? It would seem a "doctor" would want one before doing a mastectomy and hysterectomy on a 22 year old. That's what is involved in the surgery, plus testosterone shots.

I understand doctors don't do this surgery without having the "Patient" live like the gender for a time period.

If what you describe is so easy to do, then I'm really confused. It would seem like a doctor could lose his license over unneccessary surgery.

Has it happened already?


#11

[quote="Mary_Gail_36, post:10, topic:252826"]
Is she going to get a psychological evaluation? It would seem a "doctor" would want one before doing a mastectomy and hysterectomy on a 22 year old. That's what is involved in the surgery, plus testosterone shots.

I understand doctors don't do this surgery without having the "Patient" live like the gender for a time period.

If what you describe is so easy to do, then I'm really confused. It would seem like a doctor could lose his license over unneccessary surgery.

Has it happened already?

[/quote]

Evidently she has had one; has been "cross-dressing" for over a year; and I think, but am not sure, that she has been receiving testerone shots. Just recently is when I understand she had the mastectomy. I am unsure of what comes next.
I agree. I cannot believe that a licensed physician would even do this to a 22 y.o. girl, but that is what has happened. We are stunned.
I know it sounds harsh to say that I do not want to see her again, but I cannot bear to see my beautiful, and I do mean beautiful, niece changed into a man. She is gone. :(


#12

I don’t know what to say. :frowning:

I always understood that someone transgendered felt conflicted their whole life on what sex they were.

This just seems like a vulnerable person being conned…

I thought there was more regulation to this type of “medicine”


#13

Dear one she is not gone, she is very much alive. She has a soul and a heart that longs for love. Would you refuse to see a person that mutilated their own arms or legs because they had a mental disorder or nervous breakdown? Your niece is in a very similiar situation. She is very off-track, in fact she is so far off-track that she paid someone to mutilate the beautiful body that God gave her. This is tragedy and she needs your love.

Do not approve of her lifestyle, perhaps simply send her a card telling her that you love her very much. That’s all, this is the truth.

Will you be upset at the sight of her? Of course you will be. This is not about how you feel or how uncomfortable you are…of course you can bear it. With Christ you can bear anything. This is a very heavy cross you have been given, Jesus knows exactly how heavy it is.

She NEEDS you, evidently you are one of the few people in her life that she can turn to for solid moral advice. One day she may turn to you when she realizes her mistake and need support. Leave the door open. You don’t have to have lunch with her every week or call her on the phone daily…but don’t abandon her. Try and see her through the eyes of Christ he loves her so much.


#14

Dear friend,

Thank you for your courage in sharing your sadness with us. This experience must be so trying, and so shocking; I think it is understandable, especially with the recent news of the operation, to feel as though you cannot go on seeing your niece…that this would simply be too painful.

Nonetheless, I cannot help but agree with Monicad, and I too hope that as the initial waves of shock pass away, you will be able to “look at your niece with love” again, and not merely with pain. (Monicad’s screenname reminds me of St. Monica, whose prayer for her son Augustine – who had wandered far away from the true path, into a life of dissolution – was unceasing!)

As I meditated on your story, I happened to see, on TV, the Pope’s address to an audience of disabled youth today as part of this week’s World Youth Day. While their situation is very different from your niece’s, I thought that perhaps his message might speak to you, and so I’ve decided to share a paragraph or two. This, then, is the Holy Father speaking:

Youth, as I have said more than once, is the age when life discloses itself to us with all its rich possibilities, inspiring us to seek the lofty goals which give it meaning. So when suffering appears on the horizon of a young life, we are shaken; perhaps we ask ourselves: “Can life still be something grand, even when suffering unexpectedly enters it?” In my Encyclical on Christian Hope, I observed that “the true measure of humanity is essentially determined in relationship to suffering and to the sufferer … A society unable to accept its suffering members and incapable of helping to share their suffering and to bear it inwardly through ‘com-passion’ is a cruel and inhuman society” (Spe Salvi, 38). These words reflect a long tradition of humanity which arises from Christ’s own self-offering on the Cross for us and for our redemption. Jesus and, in his footsteps, his Sorrowful Mother and the saints, are witnesses who shows us how to experience the tragedy of suffering for our own good and for the salvation of the world.

These witnesses speak to us, first and foremost, of the dignity of all human life, created in the image of God. No suffering can efface this divine image imprinted in the depths of our humanity. But there is more: because the Son of God wanted freely to embrace suffering and death, we are also capable of seeing God’s image in the face of those who suffer. This preferential love of the Lord for the suffering helps us to see others more clearly and to give them, above and beyond their material demands, the look of love which they need…

Please know that you and your niece and all your family are in my prayers, and the prayers of so many in this online community.

+AMDG+


#15

I agree with this post… love her without making it seem like you support this type of decision. But still let her know that she is loved and that she can talk to you if she needs to.

This is very very sad :frowning: I will add your niece and you to my prayers, if that is alright…

God bless!


#16

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