Transgender Confusion!


#1

My 25yr old daughter was in a lesbian relationship with a female who became a legal male with a Califorina driver's license. They "married." My wife and I love our daughter and respect her but have told her clearly that this behavior is morally unacceptable. The problem is that this "couple" is moving back to our home state and my wife and I feel that they should not be able to live in our house until they find a place of their own, but we have some uncertainty about it. Helpful comments would be appreciated.

Thanks


#2

See I don't get that. If your daughter was a lesbian, and now her partner is a male, doesn't that mean she's no longer interested in her/him? I mean now they are hetero, by appearance anyway.

But as for having them stay at your house...well I would be creeped out by the whole thing and would not allow it. I think it is one step above suicide to mutilate the body God gave you because of some psychosis that tells you that you were "meant" to be a male if you are female.

I am sure you love your daughter in spite of herself. But you don't have to tacitly approve of their choices by allowing them to live with you.


#3

If I were in your situation, I think I would allow the daughter and her "husband" to say in the house temporarily, but in separate bedrooms. I would tell her something along the lines of: "I love you and want to help, but I won't enable this lifestyle choice." If she doesn't like the arrangements you're willing to provide, she can find another temporary living situation.


#4

Wow. I'm so sorry.
If you are still on good terms with them I would say the separate rooms no exceptions as the other poster....they will still probably be so offended you don't recognize them as a couple they will do anything to find any other place to stay anyway.


#5

If that person became a legal male and they married......Your daughter isn't a lesbian.

I probably wouldn't allow them to stay in my house unless they would be homeless otherwise.


#6

As far as you and your wife are concerned, (1) they are not married and (2) your daughter's significant-something-or-other is a woman.

If your daughter and her friend want to play house, then call their bluff and treat them like a married couple. That means they find their own place.


#7

Letting them stay at your house is not enabling them. They have already found ways to be enabled that don't involve you. It is also does not mean that you approve or condone her decisions. They are not looking for approval. They are looking for a place to stay.

To me, if you offer them a temporary place, it means that you love daughter and are willing support her although you do not agree with her choices. Of course you have the right to make rules in your house. If separate rooms makes you feel better, tell them. If you explain to them you are not comfortable with them in the same room, they should understand.


#8

MtnDwellar has the right idea. I don't see how refusing your daughter and her partner to stay in your house will do any good. First and foremost you and your wife love your daughter, and that love transcends her sexuality and lifestyle. I would use this opportunity for you and your wife to build a stronger and more positive relationship with your daughter and get to know her partner, who I can't imagine has had the easiest life so far.


#9

David,

Follow through with what you told her you believe.

True story time: as a teen I overheard a friend of the family talking about a similar situation with my folks. My folks argued that Christians don't really believe or practice sexual morality, so he should turn a blind eye too. They even rattled off a list of names to prove their point: as long as the teens were contracepting and open to abortion, everyone was ok with it. Not thrilled, but ok.

But he rejected their moral calculus out of hand. He just kept saying "No! Not under my roof."

And that was a profound witness to me. Irrefutable proof that there existed at least one person who took Christian morality seriously. And knowing that Christian sexual morality wasn't totaly abandoned was a tremendous help to me. I mean I know it doesn't seem like a big deal if you were baptised at birth and raised by Nuns, but for me his example in that one conversation is the closest thing I had to the Magisterium.


#10

[quote="MtnDwellar, post:7, topic:223173"]
...To me, if you offer them a temporary place, it means that you love daughter and are willing support her although you do not agree with her choices....

[/quote]

I disagree because a temporary arrangement can become a de-facto permanent one faster than you think. And the longer they stay, the harder it will be to get the gumption to kick them out.

Take a step back and look at the bigger picture here. If you and your spouse were planning to move to another city, would you require your parents or the parents-in-law to reorganize their lives to give you a place to stay? Of course not. Unless ... they have a demonstrated track record for buckling under out of fear of hurting someone's feelings and not appearing "supportive".

Catch my drift?


#11

[quote="Apollos, post:10, topic:223173"]
I disagree because a temporary arrangement can become a de-facto permanent one faster than you think. And the longer they stay, the harder it will be to get the gumption to kick them out.

Take a step back and look at the bigger picture here. If you and your spouse were planning to move to another city, would you require your parents or the parents-in-law to reorganize their lives to give you a place to stay? Of course not. Unless ... they have a demonstrated track record for buckling under out of fear of hurting someone's feelings and not appearing "supportive".

Catch my drift?

[/quote]

I really don't catch your drift. We don't know what the young people's plans are. Have they found jobs and need a place to stay while they look for an apartment or a house? Are you saying that the OP should decline based upon the possibility of the living arrangements becoming permanent?

I would never* require * anyone to do me a favor. I do know that sometimes people need a helping hand.

My best friend from grade school had a sex change. I stood up at his wedding. He married a woman and had children. Later, after having lost touch with him for about 10 years, he contacted me and other friends and announced that he was now a woman. Except for me, no one including our old friends and his parents, would even talk to him. It was heartbreaking. God still loves him.

I have to admit that when I saw him face to face it was kind of creepy. After a little while I got over it. My old friend was still there. He told me how grateful he was for my friendship.


#12

[quote="MtnDwellar, post:11, topic:223173"]
I really don't catch your drift.

[/quote]

You see needy children unable to help themselves. I see adults from whom adult behavior ought to be expected.


#13

[quote="Apollos, post:12, topic:223173"]
You see needy children unable to help themselves. I see adults from whom adult behavior ought to be expected.

[/quote]

I agree, they are making their choices and these are some SERIOUS choices, not just what color do we want to paint the apartment. Getting a sex change???

:eek:


#14

Wait a minute...transgender confusion is a genuine medical condition. It is not that simple. If your daughter's "spouse" is legally a man, what is the problem?


#15

[quote="Apollos, post:12, topic:223173"]
You see needy children unable to help themselves. I see adults from whom adult behavior ought to be expected.

[/quote]

Does being an adult mean that you never ask for help?


#16

[quote="Musician, post:14, topic:223173"]
Wait a minute...transgender confusion is a genuine medical condition. It is not that simple. If your daughter's "spouse" is legally a man, what is the problem?

[/quote]

The problem as a Catholic would be obvious. It's one thing to be confused, it's another thing to take actions on that confusion.

It's like homosexuality. It's one thing to have desires for a same sex person, but is wrong to act on those desires.


#17

[quote="MtnDwellar, post:15, topic:223173"]
Does being an adult mean that you never ask for help?

[/quote]

It means, among other things, that you have the wisdom to see a situation for what it really is.


#18

[quote="Musician, post:14, topic:223173"]
...what is the problem?

[/quote]

Need I go on?


#19

[quote="Apollos, post:17, topic:223173"]
It means, among other things, that you have the wisdom to see a situation for what it really is.

[/quote]

Wisdom is a gift, not something acquired with age. My thinking on the post is simple. The daughter and her friend are both deserving of God's love. Although it may not be easy to love someone who has seemingly turned their back on God and committed such an abomination, that person is exactly the one that we have to try harder to love.

Times are hard. There are many responsible adults who are finding themselves at a point where they need help. Asking for help does not reflect upon their character or maturity.


#20

[quote="Apollos, post:17, topic:223173"]
It means, among other things, that you have the wisdom to see a situation for what it really is.

[/quote]

.....and what situation is that oh wise one?


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