Transition from BF/GF to Marriage


#1

I was just curious, whats the transition like from being in a commited chaste relationship to being married? My girlfriend was just wondering about that, you know, when we're getting married, I mean how do you learn to be in a sexual relationship and whatnot? I don't know much about ideal catholic weddings and marriages and planning beforehand and all that since that isn't really what happened with other people in our families at all. I'm just wondering like, it just seems hard to just go from this best friend BF/GF who love each other and take care of each other and talk and are best friends to suddenly in a sexual relationship. It's sort of scary sounding transition. I mean part of me of course says this has happened for millions of people who had no idea what they were just doing and just fine... but still. Just so you know my girlfriend and I are planning on getting married someday, probably after college. This is slightly an embaressing worry. But is there some kind of Church teaching on all this? I mean I'll put it out there and be honest i've seen movies and whatnot so I know what sex is... but I mean... is there some kind of official church teachings that sort of "teach" you (lol) how to have sex and do it properly and lovingly without being some like sex fiend wierdo? Idk I'm just nervous/curious about getting married.

Thanks,
Snakemauler


#2

Seriously, don't worry about it. :D You two love each other and sex will be a natural step forward when you're married. It might feel a bit awkward or embarrasing at first, which is completely normal. But things will be fine. Nature will take its course.
I don't know of any church documents/literature on this 'technical' aspect of marriage apart from what concerns openess to life.


#3

trust me you will figure it out just fine. And you will have given yourself the most immense wedding gift of all, something many couples will never know, they joy of discovering in and with each other all the realm of this pleasure and gift from God. You won't have to learn from books, porn movies, or worst of all, from casual experimentation with other people, but from each other, they way it is supposed to happen. And yes it happens over time so it is a gift you are continually unwrapping. Best of all your gift of self to each other will be complete, never having been damaged or "pre-owned" or shopworn.


#4

[quote="SnakeMauler, post:1, topic:205854"]
I was just curious, whats the transition like from being in a commited chaste relationship to being married? My girlfriend was just wondering about that, you know, when we're getting married, I mean how do you learn to be in a sexual relationship and whatnot?

It comes naturally.

I don't know much about ideal catholic weddings and marriages and planning beforehand and all that since that isn't really what happened with other people in our families at all. I'm just wondering like, it just seems hard to just go from this best friend BF/GF who love each other and take care of each other and talk and are best friends to suddenly in a sexual relationship. It's sort of scary sounding transition.

The sexual aspect of marriage flows from the very close spiritual/emotional bond that you have which is sealed with marriage vows. I know it might sound weird but it really does come naturally since you desire to be with her and love her. The desire to show that love will grow stronger as well as the desire to start a family with her

I mean part of me of course says this has happened for millions of people who had no idea what they were just doing and just fine... but still. Just so you know my girlfriend and I are planning on getting married someday, probably after college. This is slightly an embaressing worry.

Its normal to be a little bit embarrassed. However, you will learn together.

But is there some kind of Church teaching on all this? I mean I'll put it out there and be honest i've seen movies and whatnot so I know what sex is... but I mean... is there some kind of official church teachings that sort of "teach" you (lol) how to have sex and do it properly and lovingly without being some like sex fiend wierdo? Idk I'm just nervous/curious about getting married.

No, there isn't a Church teaching for this. Sure, there are some guidelines to keep in mind but the Church doesn't have a book on the mechanics of sex. I think that might be unfortunate to a degree because it would be nice to have a book, from a Catholic point of view, about sex. To often, the books that are out there only concentrate on what you are not supposed to do (ie. contraception, etc) that there is very little in way of a book, etc that talks about what you can do. Most books on marriage, etc will also discuss having children, etc. That is a very important part of marriage but because there are so many books out there on how to have a spicier sex life, even from a protestant perspective, it can get very confusing. I wish there were more books about this issue from a Catholic perspective that didn't spend most of the time talking about contraception and NFP.

[/quote]


#5

Believe me, that first time you go to confession after "the wedding night" is a scary feeling... :eek:

"Forgive me Father, for I have... oops, wait a second... no, I guess I haven't..." :o


#6

[quote="SnakeMauler, post:1, topic:205854"]
I was just curious, whats the transition like from being in a committed chaste relationship to being married? My girlfriend was just wondering about that, you know, when we're getting married, I mean how do you learn to be in a sexual relationship and whatnot? ...

[/quote]

I think it's very good that you are thinking of these issues in advance. While it may come naturally to some couples, many others need some conscious planning, praying, and counseling in this area.

Engaged Encounter is an obvious part of your preparation. There are some great book out about God's plan for sexuality. (If you need help finding a few, send me a private message.)

My most important word of advice: COMMUNICATE as openly as possible and do not hesitate to go for christian-based marriage/relationship/sex counseling or therapy as soon as possible if any problems arise.

Praying for us all,
- curl


#7

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.