Trapped in Sin. Please Help


#1

Hi,

Please advice /suggest/Pray for me on how to handle this problem.

Im living out of home for my work. My Boyfriend and I took a Home and staying together before Marriage. Also I admit that we are having sex before marriage. I don want to live in Sin and seperate myself from Christ. I love to live a life which is Holy. My Boy Friend says to me that For sure He will Marry me once his sister marriage gets Over.

But because of this sin, my mind is really troubled and I have also asked confession to a priest and promised not to be like this. But it was just lasted only for few months and Im tempted to fall into same sin. Since we both live together Im unable to stop the sin. Only after doing that sin, Im realising my fault and crying to God.

Im at the age of 28 now and my dad or mom is not taking any steps for marriage. (I really dono wats there in thier mind, but no steps were taken still). My Boy friend is a good person, true to me and ready to marry me. He is a Muslim, not ready to convert to christian Faith but He has not compelled me in any conversions. He also believes in Jesus and he is ready to do marriage according to catholic Church and also he says that he will allows the children to be grown up as Christians.

I really dono what to do now and how to stop this problem. I dont want Sin. I want Jesus.Please pray for me.
I would appreciate your advices and suggestions.

Thanks,


#2

[quote="jantony, post:1, topic:254129"]
Hi,

Please advice /suggest/Pray for me on how to handle this problem.

Im living out of home for my work. My Boyfriend and I took a Home and staying together before Marriage. Also I admit that we are having sex before marriage. I don want to live in Sin and seperate myself from Christ. I love to live a life which is Holy. My Boy Friend says to me that For sure He will Marry me once his sister marriage gets Over.

But because of this sin, my mind is really troubled and I have also asked confession to a priest and promised not to be like this. But it was just lasted only for few months and Im tempted to fall into same sin. Since we both live together Im unable to stop the sin. Only after doing that sin, Im realising my fault and crying to God.

Im at the age of 28 now and my dad or mom is not taking any steps for marriage. (I really dono wats there in thier mind, but no steps were taken still). My Boy friend is a good person, true to me and ready to marry me. He is a Muslim, not ready to convert to christian Faith but He has not compelled me in any conversions. He also believes in Jesus and he is ready to do marriage according to catholic Church and also he says that he will allows the children to be grown up as Christians.

I really dono what to do now and how to stop this problem. I dont want Sin. I want Jesus.Please pray for me.
I would appreciate your advices and suggestions.

Thanks,

[/quote]

My opinion is just my way of thinking. I do not affirm that this is Church's teaching and I am in no way exposing the Pope's view on that matter. I obey to what the Pope says.

My my head was made to think and I think. And I consider that I am free to think.

My remarks were inspired in an article where a priest mentioned that in Indonesia, in the island where he worked, the brides all went to marry already pregnant. They were Catholic, but the question is that they performed a ritual in the tribe and from then on, the tribe considered them married. The Catholic Faith was there and they wanted to get married in the Catholic Church and they saw no contradiction in getting married pregnant. The tradition of the tribe considered them married socially and then they wanted to be married in the Church for they were Catholics.

I wrote to the priest and asked whether it would be possible for them to perform the tribe ritual AFTER the Catholic Marriage. He said it was very difficult for it involved some steps, the exchange of gifts, dowry, discussions, and it had a timing which was incompatible with the timing of the Catholic Church.

Then I thought on the marriages that are annulled because there is no consummation, which means there was no sex afterwards. For me it was a little troublesome to understand that for I heard the story in my wifes's village of a soldier of the WW I who came impotent for he was badly hurt in the was, The wife only knew after the marriage, yet she maintained faithfully to him and my wife knew them when she was a child and they were very, very old, always together and loving each other. That is a story that moves me a lot.

So, put together, the Church thinks that for a marriage there must be an oath (english OK?) and 2in1, as Christ said, the 2 will be one Flesh, I dont like the way I am going to say, but you need sex.

Oath before sex? Sex before Oath?

Oath before sex it is what the Church says.

Still, I am wondering, under the present circumstances of modern day life, as you mention it is yours, as you say that there will be an Oath, if the temporal sequence cannot be accepted by God.

I end up saying that I know what the Catholic Church says.


#3

Do you want to be a faithful Catholic? if yes then you need to be faithful to the Church and its teaching! can a Priest celebrate (say) Mass before he is a Priest? NO he can't, he must first receive the sacrament of holy orders (become a priest) before he can celebrate Mass. so should you have sex before the sacrament of holy matrimony NO you must first receive the sacrament of holy matrimony before you should celebrate sex. we all sin thats what sacrament of confession is for. go to a Catholic Priest and do what he says if you want to be a faithful Catholic. you both need to go to Catholic RCRA class if you want to get a Catholic marriage. you boyfriend really needs to understand more about the Catholic faith it is very very very different then the muslim faith!!! he dosn't necessarily have to become Catholic to marry you but he should understand the Catholic vows he will be taking on the altar (oth). I think you should learn more about muslims too. the two religions arn't campatible in marriage. what I'm trying to say is you both need to understand who your marrying spiritually. the path to hell is wide and easy but the path to heaven is hard and narrow and few will enter. if you want Catholic answers go to a Priest. just because someone claims to be a Catholic on CAF dosn't mean they are faithful or have a Catholic answer. I'll pray for you.


#4

jantony,
It is obvious that you are in deep torment and beyond what anyone here can really do to be of any great help since we do not know you very well at all.

About all that we can do here is to reaffirm the Church's teachings on certain matters and urge you to get yourself squared away on these. For instance, you need to stop living with your boyfriend since it is obvious that such a situation leads to sin.

The matter of being involved with someone not of the faith is also problematic when it comes to children and how they are to be raised etc. Talk of conversion (either way) may not be a factor right now, but what about later?

My advice is to make an appointment with your priest/pastor/confessor - Someone you trust and really talk these things through. Possibly get set up with a Spiritual Director. It will take some time but it will be worth it.

Peace
James


#5

Hi jantony.

I agree with JRKH.
You put yourself in a very difficult situation to be living with this man and then try to avoid intimacy with him. It is like entering a lion's den and expecting not to be mauled. I say this with the best of intentions only wishing for you to see how serious the problem is. The first thing you need to sort out is the living arrangement. Once you are living apart from him, the second thing you need to deal with is the fact that he is not Catholic and is unlikely to convert.
I wish you God's Blessings!


#6

Happy to pray for you. God bless.


#7

[quote="jantony, post:1, topic:254129"]
Hi,
Im at the age of 28 now and my dad or mom is not taking any steps for marriage. (
Thanks,

[/quote]

you are 28 years old, take charge of your own life, and stop waiting for your parents or your boyfriend to move. If he has not married you yet, what makes you think he is going to do it "someday?" He has given you absolutely no reason to trust him and instead he is using you.

Get your own place, which you can do since you work, and move out and leave this unhealthy situation. Return to the sacraments and practice of your Faith.

Sometime in the future you may want to re-evaluate the relationship with this guy and see if it is going any where, but until you have reestablished your own self-discipline you won't be seeing him in any situation where you might be tempted beyond your strength. Will it hurt? definitely, like any necessary surgery. In the meantime, see your priest for counselling to help you discern if there is any hope for a happy healthy marriage and family life with a non-Christian.


#8

I would encourage you to seek first the kingdom of God. Its much harder to do than it sounds, but it works. I wish I would have done that better at a younger age. I was always worried about what I wanted and I wouldn't sacrifice anything that wasn't in my plan to get what I wanted... suffice to say, those plans got be no where but backwards.

The sooner you start sacrficing/risking everything for Christ, the sooner everything will fall into place. Trust God to take of you, he will. I should note that it took me til about the age of 29 to start following this advice and I wish I would have started day one.

I was afraid of losing what I wanted... not realizing God was waiting on me to start trusting him more than myself. The more you can do this the better the foundation will be for what will hopefully be a long, happy and Holy marriage.

I wish you the best and I will be praying for you and your future spouse.

God Bless.


#9

Dear all,

Thank you so much for your replies. Your replies strengthened my heart. Im writing to you in tears. As you all suggest me, Im gonna first put everything into prayers and then take steps to live apart from my Boy Friend (which stops me to sin), do a good confession and talk with a counsellor. Next if my Boyfriend comes to me and ask me to live with him, I would tell him to marry me first according to catholic church and then stay with him.

But I also say from my heart, It is very difficult for me to accept any other man in my life. More than having sex, I loved him so much. So I have decided one more thing too, If i dint marry him then I'll not marry anybody. Its better to stay alone.

Let God lead me according to his wish !!!

Please I urge you all to pray for me.

With tears,
Jantony.


#10

[quote="jantony, post:9, topic:254129"]
Dear all,

Thank you so much for your replies. Your replies strengthened my heart. Im writing to you in tears. As you all suggest me, Im gonna first put everything into prayers and then take steps to live apart from my Boy Friend (which stops me to sin), do a good confession and talk with a counsellor. Next if my Boyfriend comes to me and ask me to live with him, I would tell him to marry me first according to catholic church and then stay with him.

But I also say from my heart, It is very difficult for me to accept any other man in my life. More than having sex, I loved him so much. So I have decided one more thing too, If i dint marry him then I'll not marry anybody. Its better to stay alone.

Let God lead me according to his wish !!!

Please I urge you all to pray for me.

With tears,
Jantony.

[/quote]

You are doing the right thing.
Have faith in God. He will see you through.
Be Blessed!


#11

[quote="puzzleannie, post:7, topic:254129"]
you are 28 years old, take charge of your own life, and stop waiting for your parents or your boyfriend to move. If he has not married you yet, what makes you think he is going to do it "someday?" He has given you absolutely no reason to trust him and instead he is using you.

Get your own place, which you can do since you work, and move out and leave this unhealthy situation. Return to the sacraments and practice of your Faith.

Sometime in the future you may want to re-evaluate the relationship with this guy and see if it is going any where, but until you have reestablished your own self-discipline you won't be seeing him in any situation where you might be tempted beyond your strength. Will it hurt? definitely, like any necessary surgery. In the meantime, see your priest for counselling to help you discern if there is any hope for a happy healthy marriage and family life with a non-Christian.

[/quote]

FYI, the OP is in India, and there it is customary for parents to help their children find spouses if they are not married by a certain age. In fact, a younger male sibling cannot marry before his older male sibling, thus putting extra pressure on the older sibling (I know that the OP is not male, but I just wanted to illustrate that there is a cultural difference here).


#12

[quote="Norseman82, post:11, topic:254129"]
FYI, the OP is in India, and there it is customary for parents to help their children find spouses if they are not married by a certain age. In fact, a younger male sibling cannot marry before his older male sibling, thus putting extra pressure on the older sibling (I know that the OP is not male, but I just wanted to illustrate that there is a cultural difference here).

[/quote]

I know plenty of people in India, and from India, and the traditional parents there do not encourage their daughters to live with a long term boyfriend w/o benefit of marriage


#13

[quote="puzzleannie, post:12, topic:254129"]
I know plenty of people in India, and from India, and the traditional parents there do not encourage their daughters to live with a long term boyfriend w/o benefit of marriage

[/quote]

That is not what I was referring to. Recall what the OP stated:

[quote="jantony, post:1, topic:254129"]

Im at the age of 28 now and my dad or mom is not taking any steps for marriage.

[/quote]

and your response:

[quote="puzzleannie, post:7, topic:254129"]
stop waiting for your parents or your boyfriend to move.

[/quote]

(bolded emphasis mine).

The point I'm making is that often on this forum in various threads I've seen posts that are obviously from a middle-class suburban cultural perspective even when dealing with a foreign or immigrant culture, especially one in which people live with their parents until they get married and/or the parents are involved in the "spouse search".


#14

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