Traumatic experience...this goes on and on


#1

Not sure if this thread is supposed to be here, but here I go. In the seventh or eighth grade, after my parents had put in internet, I was wandering about on the computer. Unfortunately, I stumbled on a obscene website, of an illegal nature, but was not disturbed...I disapproved in the strongest of terms..but I was not pathologically disturbed. Fast forward to August 2009. I'm watching Lord of the Rings and there's a scene right before the Orcs attack Helm's Deep and for some reason that resurfaced an obscene image from that website. I have been pathologically disturbed since, with feelings ranging from guilt, embarassment, shame, confusion, unreality, and a sense of irreversible condemnation (despite what dumb-obvious logic tells me). Nothing I've told myself has made this go away permanently and I'm frightened I'll live with this forever. I've thought "who else has seen this besides me and the sick perverts that are actually in desire of this". I am so screwed up...this has never happened before in my life...and I am at a loss...nothing is works...pills, thinking it through, self-comforting or trying to explain this way. I have a feeling of "it happened, therefore you're screwed".

I'm already going to group therapy for mood swings, I've confessed and talked about this to a priest (who has been very supportive), I'm taking pills, etc. etc....but this just won't end and it been months now. :confused:

Has this ever happened to anyone else? What do I do?


#2

Oh hon :( I'm so sorry that you are having these thoughts :(

Can I suggest picking up a rosary? I will, to my dying day, promise anyone that thoughts tend to be purified after a few days of steady rosaries. You are on the right track...therapy, meds, priestly confidence. Try a rosary. Say a few Hail Mary's when the thoughts come in.

I will be thinking of you!

Heather


#3

As advised you need to call on the power of heaven to assist you. I heard on the radio the other day that the porn industry has "web-napped" ( like kidnapped) 29 of the most commonly used childrens words/phrases in an attempt to capture them into porn as they do web searches etc. You need to have strong Christian based firewalls and filters protecting your children at all times on the web.

This is the prayer I use daily as many times a day as necessary to keep me from the temptation of sin and refocus my mind and thoughts.

St. Michael the Archangel, defend me at this my moment of battle, be my protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him I humbly pray and do thou O Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God cast into hell satan and all the evil spirits that roam about the world ( and ... name where you are at) seeking the ruin of souls, and my soul, in Jesus name I pray.


#4

:( I felt a similar way about something once, though it didn't last so long. Remember you're NOT in 'eternal condemnation' for this and you didn't even sin because you didn't do anything out of your own free will. You didn't choose this..you just came upon the website, and disapproved of it. Remember you had NOTHING to do with this. But even if you had, it wouldn't have been outside of God's mercy! "Sooner would heaven and earth pass away than would God's mercy not embrace a trusting soul". Whenever you get these thoughts, try to just push them out of your mind and distract yourself. I don't think this CAN last forever....even if it lasts a long time. Don't get discouraged.

God bless


#5

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