So since coming back to and embracing my faith I feel like my wants that I do not pray for are being answered, but what I ask for in my prayers are left unanswered. My prayers have been to have any pangs doubt quieted or removed are only answered in the short term. I find that my return to chastity (mainly porn at the moment) tests my faith at times and I feel like my mind keeps going, but what if I am wrong? Then I think on the times I swear I have felt the Holy Spirit warm my heart when I asked for comfort and how I have walked away from things that should have left me dead or severely injured some how missing by millimeters or minor miracles. My other prayers have been to get my parents back to going to church. Which seem to have gone unanswered, I have brought it up and my fathers goes I should, then has a bunch of stupid excuses like he does not like how most of the priests have accents too thick to understand, that mass is boring, typical boomer complaints. On the other hand things I would never ask for because they are so material I would never ask for them in prayer. Stupid things like getting lucky on getting special editions of games and headphones that are sold out or what not. I might be lucking into a newer upgraded version of my car and I just feel like I am being given not things that are good for me on spiritual level; I mean I mainly “go” to mass, by watching online, because I do not like being public alone unless it is going into and out of a store where I know the owner or workers because I have been shopping there for years.
One of the best things I ever heard from a priest is “God is not a vending machine”
It is wonderful that you want your parents to come to Mass.
It sounds like you also have some major mental health issues to address, starting with your agoraphobia. Perhaps that will help you to develop a better spiritual life.
Haha, God is always so many steps ahead…it’s quite a beautiful thing.
Look, you’re already putting so little stock in the material, caring, yearning for the spiritual! God bless
Thank you that made me feel better.
Don’t look at the Mona Lisa from an inch away and say it’s a bad painting. God’s plan might be more complicated than you realize. Your prayers will be answered in good time.
As for the material wishes…you are God’s child. Just like a father, God sometimes will fulfil your material wishes, even when they’re not important. If you want these things, God knows you do, so as long as you dont want a bad thing, it’s fine to pray something like, “God, I know that this is really not important, but I do really wish to find a pair of headphones here.” God loves you and does what is best for you, but he often also grants your little wishes as a father does for his child.
I find being in public even more draining recently as I have started a full time job. I am naturally introverted and frankly being around people is just tiring to me. I have been pushing myself to be more social, but I find it easier when I have an extrovert I pass conversations off to and I can pull back a bit.
ALWAYS pray for something IF it is God’s will and that His will be done not yours. If we go against what God wants we will just be sad and frustrated. If you pray for His will to be done then it all is for the best.
Mental illness can excuse you from Mass, but you really need to seek professional help if you are so overwhelmed you cannot attend Mass in person. It isn’t about being an introvert. Many introverts need time alone to ‘recharge’. I’m introverted, so is my husband an most of our friends. What you are describing sounds like more than introversion.
I feel like it is unearned and I am not worthy of it. I know it is wrong, but on the whole I feel like I have received more than I earned and deserve. I mean I feel like somehow I end up coming out ahead in the end after so many bad choices and years of being sinful. I know I shouldn’t, but I expect a punishment for it in someway.
YOU need to get to Confession and talk to a Priest and he will help you through this.
Yeah, I have been working on it. I have been slowing improving.
I have been going more. I am lucky as my church is close to my job and I can get their on lunch. I maybe should talk with a priest outside of confession.
Perfect idea. Perhaps if you can build a bridge things will be easir for you.
Seeing you live your faith though difficult will be a great motivator for those around you.
Yeah, but other than saying so to my parents you wouldn’t know it. I do my rosary alone and in silence. I have always lived by Mathew 6:6.
People see more than we know.
God doesn’t punish us for our past, he strengthens us for the future. He has forgiven you and loves you.
On a sidenote, watching Mass digitally does not fulfill your Sunday obligation.
I guess it is true.
You should read St. Terese of Liseaux’s autobiography. God granted her so many little favors (along with a lot of big ones).
I would never dream of being in the same esteem or level of holiness, but I understand your point. I will have to read that autobiography.
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