Trying To Convert Someone... How?

hello… im new here… i have searched for a forum of catholics to help myself with this concern. i am a Catholic, my fiance is a Born Again Christian. I have convinced him to come with me every sunday to attend mass. I have convinced him to have our wedding in a Catholic Church… I was afraid to tell him that he should embrace the Catholic faith and be baptized, i have tried showing him how is it being a Catholic, however, though he is joining me every sunday I feel that he is not yet convinced to become a Catholic. I dont want to force him also, as I might violate his right to choose whatever faith he wanted. Its just so sad that other religions are destroying the Catholic Faith, its like… they taught him of every criticisms to the catholic faith and that is what he is thinking. This is making me hard to convince him… please pray for me and teach me what to do. I wanted to have a family with one faith to follow. My faith as a Catholic became deeper when they started to criticize our faith. My understanding now is wider and have never taught of leaving my faith… Thank you and God bless you all.

Only the Holy Spirit can convict someone to become Catholic. If your fiance is willing, going through RCIA would be a very good way to learn the truth about the Catholic Faith, and he would be under NO obligation to join the Church.

The Catholic Answers library here has extensive articles that you might find helpful.


The Apologetics CDs available from the Bible Christian Society do an excellent job of explaining Catholicism. You can download them in MP3 format for free. There is also a 2-Minute Apologetics link where the most common objections are listed and answered.

I am a convert myself from a very anti-Catholic persuasion, so it’s not impossible but he must be convinced and convicted in his own heart and mind and must not feel that he needs to become Catholic just because you are. The RCIA directors at my parish said many times, “We don’t want you to join the Church because of someone else, you have to decide to do it for yourself!” :thumbsup:


Only the Holy Spitit can change the views of your fiance. I am praying for you and your fiance because I too was in the same boat as your soon to be husband. I was a born again christian while my wife was Catholic. Your circumstances almost fit our previous circumstances to the “T”. It was only God working in my heart that changed my views of the Catholic Church.

Eventually I felt lead to start reading about the Catholic Church to see if all of these claims against it were true. During this time in my life it was God that lead to me to the Catholic Church and not to a protestant church. Let him decide on his own, do not force anything on him.

Encourage dialogue between yours, his and both denominational beliefs. Be able to back yours and his disagreements with references that support the views of the Catholic church. If he does not make the initial step forward to learn about the Catholic Church then take it upon yourself to be the (aggressor). Learn about where is coming from and be able to ask him questions and provide him answers to his beliefs. Most of all be patient.

My wife waited 8 years for me. I thought I would neve become Catholic and I would stay a non-catholic christian my entire life, but God had different plans. Have faith, patience and stay stong. Hope this helps you. NMHS:thumbsup:

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I sympathize with you. My wife is Baptist and I am going through the same issues as we speak. I also want our family to be brought up under one faith so I feel your pain. However, as Catholics we are born-again Christians, just as John 3:5 says. Keep praying and ask questions. Really listen to what he has to say and tell him you are thinking about it. But ask him questions. Say for example he brings up confession and he thinks that you are to confess your sins to God and God alone. Ask him where does it say we are to confess our sins to God and God alone in the bible. He probably will attempt to give you some reply, but then ask, How come James 5:16-17 say that I am supposed to confess my sins to others?! You see what I mean? Just lower yourself to being the student and let him teach you. This way it takes him off the defensive and he feels like he is evangelizing you. But we know who really is doing the evangelizing don’t we? Our goal is not convert our spouses, but to plant seeds. Remove their roadblocks! Conversion is for the Holy Spirit. I will pray for you and your husband, that God may bring you two together under one faith, the One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Faith.

God Bless!

THANK YOU SO MUCH! For the replies you gave… i will do my best with this… definitely i wont let him baptize me… but i will let him be baptized. praying for that… thank you and i am with you… a proud but humble catholic!


Everyone’s comments here have been great. There is one piece mission however, and it is the most important of all.

i have tried showing him how is it being a Catholic, however, though he is joining me every sunday I feel that he is not yet convinced to become a Catholic.” has strong implications that you expect him to be Catholic.

DO NOT pursue this relationship if you have not already accepted the fact that he will always remain a born again Christian. Too many people go into the marriage expecting change in their spouse. When we say “I do” we are saying so right then, the way they are, we accept them and vow to God in front of man that we will love them and care for them until death!

In this culture - marriage is difficult enough. If God will’s the two of you to be wed then look for the “signs”:[LIST]
*]Does this union[LIST]
*]produce joy or anxiety?
*]bring you AND him closer to God?
*]result in a more prayerful life for you and him?
*]during the courtship or engagement period promote chastity or lust?
*]promote and cultivate virtue or vice?[/LIST] [/LIST]You should have a candid discussion with God first about these very questions, then with your friends, then your parents, and then with him. We can easily deceive ourselves and talk ourselves into things. Bringing other people into the mix that know both you and him help to bring an objective look into the subjective realm of relationships and feelings.

My family and I will keep you and your friend in our prayers. God bless.

I am in the same situation. I am engaged to a Protestant. He agrees to be married in the Catholic Church and he agrees to raise our children Catholic.

I hate admitting that I want him to come to the Catholic faith because I feel that I should respect him… but so deeply in my heart I do hope for him to someday convert to Catholicism.

Lately I’ve been reading books by Scott Hahn and my heart half sinks through every book… wondering if I’ll ever share the joy of receiving Holy Communion with the love of my life.

I’ll pray for you!

I don’t know if you read Rome Sweet Home, his conversion story, but his wife was adamantly opposed to him becoming Catholic. He went to Mass alone for a long time before she converted herself.

I would suggest that you humbly ask your fiance’ if he would be willing to sit in on the RCIA classes before your wedding. They will put NO pressure on him to convert, but he’d learn about the Faith that he’s marrying into. I think it’s important that he understand it so there are no surprises later when the kids’ Sacraments come up. Having a third party with whom he has no intimate relationship to explain things and ask questions of might be to his spiritual advantage.

Just an idea.

I agree that a third party is very beneficial. It will take some of the pressure off and allow him to not be defensive.

Thank you for your suggestion. I was thinking about doing just that. I did read Rome Sweet Home, that was actually the first book I read by Scott Hahn. :slight_smile:

If he is a born again christian, how come he is not baptized?

My dear friend in Christ,

Perhaps I can be of assistance?

**1. **, two don’ts. As you indicated don’t force, or ofter ultimatiums.

**2. **Never Argue (by which I mean debate or discuss in
anger). Simply say I love you, and walk away.

3. Notice what I highlighted in your post. That is the ideal starting place.

He needs to express each and everything he either disagrees with, does not understand, or has questions and or concerns about. We have the truth on our side.:slight_smile:

Their are many informed, practcing Roman Catholics, who can give you both as much time as you need, and address all your concerns. So start by getting him to please open up.

Now for several reasons you want to be completely upfront with him, we never fib, lie or exaggerate, nor should you. Start and keep your relationship truthful, candid, and loving.

If your going to be married in a Catholic Church, (and you definetly should be), you both are going to have to participate in Marriage Prepration Cllasses called “Pre-Cana” classes. It’s Church law.

One of the things you BOTH will have to agree to is to raise all your children as Catholics. He needs to know this before you go much futher. That does not mean that he has to become Catholic, rather that he both allow you to and SUPPORT you in this activity.
This is a GRAVE moral obligation.

Explain to him honestly, how important your faith is to you, and that you will want to bring all your kids up in the Catholic Church.

If he objects, then ask him to please be specific, and you’ll answer, or get the information he is requesting. You love him and want him to understand how very important this is for you.

It is vital that you continue to meet all of your Catholic Obligations, so as to set the proper example. See if you can introduce him to your priest, and Director of Religious Education on a VERY CASUAL BASIS. Maybe even one of the RCIA staff?

Don’t be pushy. Just let him know these people are friends and a part of your socal network.

Pray, pray, and pray somemore. If you gave good Catholic friends, see if you can do somethings with them.

Well that’s enough to get you started.

We stand ready to help, just ask.

Your doing good, and know that God is on your side;)

Love and prayers,

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