Trying to convince a friend


Not sure if this is the right forum… but here’s my situation…

I’ve got a friend who is pregnant for the fifth time. Her first child is 21 (and pregnant with her second baby), her second child is 14, her third is 4, her fourth is 15 months… and she’s due in Feb. (She got off to a rocky start in life with having babies and met the man of her dreams after her first two kids and a divorce were under her belt. The last three pregnancies are babies with her new husband).

They started off the relationship right… did everything according to God, learned NFP, no sex before marriage, etc. They are deeply devoted to each other.

This last baby was a complete and utter shock to them. She is viewing it as a failure on her part because she “should have known” and her cervix wasn’t all the way down so she failed. She has been severely miserable and hating this last pregnancy.

Last year, during RCIA, I helped her put together a scathing 6 page paper to read to the class because the “instructors” for RCIA had taught, the previous weekend, that birth control and abortion are ok according to the CC. She read the paper to the class while I deflected the rude comments and corrected the people that wanted to inject personal opinion into CC teaching. My friend was very adament to get the truth out. So I know (rather knew) her stance on birth control.

Now… because of this suprise pregnancy, she’s talked of allowing her husband to get a vasectomy. She even talked to the local priest and he agreed that it would be prudent for them to do it!!! Now that she’s got his “blessing” she wants the procedure to go through. I did tell her about two months ago that I don’t agree with them but I can’t force the issue between a married couple.

I got to feeling really guilty for that comment as I viewed it as an ignorant pro-abortionist claim of “my friend wants to abort, I don’t agree with it but I can’t change her mind so why bother?” So I spoke up, gave her my honest opinion along with scripture from CCLI and told her I’m carrying this burden with her and I just want to help her make the right, informed choice, she started crying because she knows where I’m coming from (and I do believe she respects me enough to listen and weigh what I’m saying seriously). I feel for her because I know this is a hard decision. She’s going to be 40 in April and she VERY ADAMENTLY doesn’t want any more babies… but because she views this last pregnancy as a failure on her part… she’s not placing her trust where it should be.

Does anyone have experience in how to possibly help her? I can’t confirm or deny if the husband has set up an appointment already, but she’s wanting him to “get it done” before the baby is born in Feb. Thanks in advance!!


Go to One More Soul’s website, and get her a copy of the sterilization reversal testimony. I hope it helps!


Maybe this isn’t the place to be saying this, but doesn’t it seem that you can find a priest who will give their “blessing” to alot of things? Not an abortion, but I hear more & more about priests being okay with a man getting a vasectomy or a woman being on ABC.


I don’t know how you’d go about it but it seems the place to start is to get her help in letting go of that false notion she failed.

She didn’t fail. God chose to bring new life through her. He needs her and since He does He’ll make sure she has whatever she needs to face this. She has only to open herself to Him in order to find peace and begin welcoming this child as the gift that he/she is instead of ‘a mistake’. God doesn’t make mistakes. He knows what He’s doing. We need to trust Him.

Besides, NFP is not only the woman’s responsibility. If either of them ‘failed’ then they both failed, as they are one, and the man has responsibility in NFP as well, but it’s quite possible they did everything they could correctly and God chose to bring life through them anyway. He chose to bring life through Sarai and Elizabeth in their old age, why shouldn’t be be able to choose to bring life through your friend who’s barely 40?

She’s struggling with that all-to-common “I want” thing…it’s not about what she wants. It’s always about what God wants. We are to respond, “Yes, Lord” to His call. The sooner we allow Him to work through us by no longer fighting it through guilt, resentment, anger, hostility, hopelessnes, the sooner we will be filled with joy and anticipation.

I wonder if she would be able to see the delight Satan is experiencing because of her thoughts about sterilization. This very woman who just last year spoke so adamantly in support of God’s Truth. What a victory it would be for him to have her actually succeed in getting her husband to commit this ultimate sin. I imagine it would be quite reminiscent of Eve and Adam. Satan only had to convince Eve in order to topple Adam as well. He’s working his same mojo on your friend. Pray for her. Invoke the help of Michael the Archangel and don’t let her drive her husband to sin.

Remind her her hormones are out of whack, too, which probably isn’t helping her to see things in their proper perspective. Bottom line:

is this child a child of God, yes or no?
is it a blessing or a curse to be chosen by God to bear His children?
does this child deserve to be viewed as a mistake?

No time for regrets…there’s a job to embrace and to be done…help her through this.

She and her husband need to continue to pray together and they should probably revisit a Creighton seminar or NFP seminar for a brush up course.


I feel so badly for your friend. My husband and I have had continual struggles over NFP and he has often “threatened” to get a Vasectomy. I imagine though with two toddlers and a pregnancy, she is feeling overwhelmed and not thinking clearly. I am sure that she needs practical help with babysitting, encouragement, household chores, etc. I hope you will arrange among your friends to provide some relief for her. When my husband and I were in the worst of our struggle, I had a friend who tried to arrange for me to go to a liberal priest who would give me permission to contracept. I was so angry that I was fighting so hard for my marriage and soul and this priest wanted to give me an out. I have a friend who after a surprise pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage abstained for a year!

I guess I would encourage your friend to wait and try to arrange practical and emotional help for her during her pregnancy. Obviously, she won’t need contraception for several months anyway. Perhaps your prayers and encouragement will help her see past her “shock.” I’m sure that when she sees her baby, she will be able to rejoice!


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