I thought that God wanted me to be a priest when I was a little kid, I strongly disliked the idea as I could never in a million years see myself as a priest and had extreme stress over it for a long period of time. I asked God to give me a sign if thats what he truly wanted for me and he gave me a sermon about the seminary through a priest at my parsh, could be a sign could not…who knows God’s ways anyways.
Its been many years since then. In fact I’ve gone through a period of about 3 or so years where I sort of fell away from a relationship with him due to some issues with having trouble remaining chaste. (I don’t know why the lord would risk having someone with that history in the priesthood for future risk of any kind). I have now been dating a girl for awhile now. She was someone who I never thought I would ever have interest in but surprise surprise…it happened. I couldn’t be happier. To me she’s the most amazing perfect girl in the world and I can’t believe that I’m with her. Truly a gift from God. She’s truly perfect in everyway…and not only that but her example of living a holy life brough me back to God and the Catholic church (she’s a protestant). Through her my relationship with God is on its way to becoming stronger than ever. Before her I never thought of getting married, I just planned on living a life as a single military officer and being happy with that. But now I want a family and I want to have children and to share that joy with a lifetime spouse. It just all seems perfect to me…especially if she ended up being the one I married. So here I am having thoughts about a life with her and I never truly received a “no” from God in terms of the priesthood.
I am thinking about everything now and don’t have much peace about it…why would God bring this amazing God-loving person into my life if he wanted me to be a priest? Why would he take her away from me after all that she’s done to help my relationship with God? Is it a call to be a deacon? I don’t know…in addition God has blessed my with a full-tuition air force officer training scholarship to a University for Aerospace Engineering? If he wanted me in the seminary, why would an opportunity like that arise?
If he does allow my to partake in marriage someday why hasn’t he given me peace about it? I’m praying hard daily and doing my best to place all my trust in his plan…but to say the least I’m confused and need peace. My girlfriend deserves the absolute best, which means a person who’s fully devoted to her while at the same time putting God as the first priority. In order to continue our relationship and keep God at the center I need to know his will…
Thoughts or Advice??