Trying to get married but having difficulties


#1

Good afternoon, sorry if this is not the right forum, not sure where to post this question. Me and my girlfriend are trying to get married, we want the wedding to be around November of 2014 so we have time… We currently live in [edited], Florida, and we want our wedding to be here… We are currently not a member of any Catholic church [edited] because the few times we have gone to mass, something happens that disappoint us. Always small things like the priest sending a text in the middle of the mass, etc. We are both Cubans, most if not all of our family speak spanish, so we always go to Spanish mass…

Now we decided to get married, and since we are not part of any church we looked for the one closest to our wedding party place… We found that the closest church [edited], So we walked in one day yo get info, we found out that they dont have a spanish speaking priest, but they give the option to bring our own priest…

So we went ahead and looking for churches that had spanish mass and went to one, We went to [edited] Catholic Church and didnt didnt quite liked the priest there, so we went to to [edited] the mass was by father [edited] he was pretty good, so after the mass we went to speak with him, and he told us to call in the next day and talk to a lady, we called in, and she said that we need to make an appointment to Father [edited], that she could transfer us to his voice mail and that he would call us back… We did that, left a message, waited a week and no call, we went again to mass, and tried speaking to him, and he told us that he was to busy to talk to us at that moment, we insisted and told him that we could wait all day if necessary, and he told us on a bad manner that he was to busy, he told us to call his voice mail again and leave another voice mail, We did that, waited another week with no call and nothing, Today we went again to his mass, to talk to him again, and he flipped out on us that he is to busy, that he has to take care of 3000 families not just us, we were very polite and calm with him, but he flipped out on us, and stared doing hand gestures while almost yelling at us…

I didnt like this aptitude, and probably wont go back to him or that church… Now [edited] told me that i need a letter from a priest that states that he will train us, and that he will marry us…

Can any of you guys help me on how to find a priest that could do this for us?

pst: Im cuban but lived a long time in Venezuela, and priest were the best people around, they were the best person you can speak to, always calm, and always ready to help… Im not sure whats going not sure if religion here in the US is different but is hard to keep being a good catholic when you cant even find a good priest :frowning: maybe i just had bad luck… Thanks for your time…


#2

It sounds to me you have encountered a combination of bad luck and frazzled, overstressed priests.

From this statement: “Now Sacred Heart told me that i need a letter from a priest that states that he will train us, and that he will marry us…” it sounds like Sacred Heart is willing to host your wedding. What the priest there needs is a letter from a priest saying that he will provide you with pre-marital counseling.


#3

Well, if I am reading this right, you are not yet active and practicing Catholics in a parish. It is very important for sacramental preparation to be registered and actively attending Mass and Confessions at your chosen parish. I do not know why the priest was rude to you, but I can tell you that my own parish would never talk to you either until you were actively attending Mass for four months prior to your request.

I recommend that you take this one step at a time. Become a practicing Catholic along with your fiancée. Register at a parish and keep going. I don’t care if there are things that you don’t like. Every Roman Catholic parish in good standing has the Eucharist and valid priests, and that is all that is required to fulfill your obligation. Find an SSPX or Eastern church if you don’t like OF liturgies. But that is the bottom line for anyone considering receiving such a life-changing sacrament.

I work at the front office and I helped a young fellow just the other day who was in your situation. He wants to get married but he doesn’t go to church yet. So I explained our policies and I handed him a parish registration form, along with some helpful information about marriage and NFP. I fear that we will never see him again. I fear that many Catholics are too afraid to jump through the necessary hoops and just get a civil wedding and enter into a lifetime of mortal sin outside the Church through cohabitation in an invalid marriage. This is not what Christ wants for His Church. This makes all of us very sad. The sooner you are willing to be a part of our family the sooner we will accept you with open arms.


#4

First of all, and maybe this is a cultural thing, but Sunday is the absolute** worst **day to try to meet with a pastor. Unless it’s literally a life-or-death matter, you should try to meet with him during office hours during the week.

But more importantly, what it the reason you want to meet with the priest? Are you interviewing him to decide if you want to join the parish? Or are you trying to disucss wedding plans?

If you want to discuss your wedding, you are going about it backwards. If you aren’t a member of the parish, it is very likely that you won’t have a very productive meeting. You need to find a parish first, register, and THEN start the process of planning the wedding. Start with the parish that is your geographical parish. Everyone has a geographic parish. If you aren’t sure which parish that is, call the diocese. They will look up your address - or your girlfriend’s - and tell you what your parish is. If your geographic parish does not have a Spanish Mass, they will direct you to the parish nearest your own that does. Many parishes (but not all) allow people to register even if they don’t live within the parish boundries but you should start with your geographical parish. Almost all parishes will only allow weddings for registered parishioners.

Also keep in mind that, if the parish is large, it may not be one of the priests that you will meet with at first. There may be a deacon or a lay person who does the initial work in scheduling a wedding and the pre-cana classes/meetings/assessments.


#5

I’m sorry this happened to you. I think this is getting to be more and more common in the US because of the priest shortage. What people are saying about the way to do this is correct: you must choose a Parish, register in the Parish. Then you ask about pre-Cana classes. You schedule your wedding.

You might try, after you are registered or when at Mass, asking other people if they know of any retired Spanish-speaking priests whom you might contact to perform your marriage ceremony.

But, you also need to stop judging priests. You have no idea why the priest sent a text during Mass. He may have been on call for a death-watch for a parishioner in the hospital or hospice, and have gotten a message the person died and was telling them when he could be there.

Things here will be different. Christ in the Eucharist will be the same. It’s very hard to adjust to a new culture. Again, I’m sorry you are having so many difficulties. Go register at a Parish, become involved and ask about the marriage classes.

Welcome to the US and welcome to Catholic Answers.


#6

I agree about the not judging. You probably don’t even know for sure he was texting . He could have had apps on his phone with the readings. or notes for the homily announcements prayers…It could have been sources for the homily. Or maybe he remembered he hadn’t turned off the sound already. It is hard to know what a person is doing from any distance.
I pray all will go well. Sadly, we are all human with our faults and weaknesses ever our priest. Some are not blessed with the super abundance of patience that is needed to be a parish priest.
I agree it would be better to be a member of a parish. Most priests are busy enough taking care of their own flock.


#7

Please do not tell them to find an SSPX church. Their marriages are not valid in the CC as they do not have canonical status and are invalid due to lack of form. I don’t mean to derail the thread, but I think it is important they are married validly. Also, their Confessions are not considered valid.

Are you perhaps referring to the FSSP, who ARE in communion with the Church? This is a fairly common error , confusing the two.


#8

I agree with the other posters that you need to find a parish first. Ask your Catholic friends and family about their churches. I'm sure you will get some good recommendations. Pick one that you can get to easily so you are sure that you'll be able to go to Mass every week.

Once you've joined, make an appointment to speak to the priest during the week. Just call the parish office and ask for an appointment, don't worry about leaving a voice mail.

Preparing for your marriage (not just wedding) is a very important time. Use it to grow together in your faith and devotion!

PS - I did want to mention that if the priest was fiddling with what looked like his phone on his belt, it was likely just the controls for the wireless mic and not his phone at all. ;)


#9

Oooh, I am so sorry about that, I really meant to type FSSP, and my brain just went the opposite direction. Especially because SSPX are sometimes known as FSSPX, they jumble up for me when I am not thinking straight. I apologize for the confusion there. I am not in the habit of recommending SSPX to anyone, just praying for unity and obedience there.


#10

Yes, that is a common mistake, and when I first saw the abbreviation FSSPX I thought it was the FSSP. Took a bit to get them straight.:slight_smile:


#11

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